Tuesday, October 31, 2006

`thank you messages ..

was crying myself to slp last nite .. sigh . anw, i felt slightly better todae .. as usual , didnt do anything except studying.


intensive revision on biology. dats my paper for tml .. 0800 - 0915 am .. wish me all the best for my 'o's barhhs . JIA YOUS !

to all 'o' lvl students :
hey ppl ! whether i noe u or do not . i dun mind . just wanna wish all 'o' lvl students all the best for their upcoming exams . do ur best no matter wad !! its our final stretch after spending 4-5 yrs of hardwork . after this, we will be travelling to a high stage . so, lets us put in all our efforts for this exams . once again, i wish u ppl all the best & jia you s !

feeling so lethargic todae. thanks to brother's call . otherwise, i guess i wld waking up till noon . hahas ! woke up at 10am plus .. had my breakfast , watch one dvd of princess hr & zoom to study ...

i wanna gib a big THANK YOU to my frens who wrote msges to me in ur blog . its realli sweet . i felt real touch . thank you for ur encouragments ..

*apologies for those who called me bud not picking up as i do not wanna answer any calls .

here's my dedications for u ppl .. hope u lyke this song . i will always remember u guys . u ppl will always keep a memory in my heart .

here are the msges for u ppl :

to alex kor :
kor, thanks for keeping accompany in msn even though i do not wan to chat wid u on the phone. u ve been consoling me . dun worry abt me. i'll be fine after awhile yupps . i wont let it affect my studies . u too take care of urself yupps ? anything also can let me noe. i'll be there for u when u nd me as well . thanks for being there wid me and making me smile . thinking all ur lame jokes just make me smile a little. i owe u one . will meet up wid yea one day after 'o's yupps ? as promise .

to kelvin brother :
my beloved sister !! alrighty . brother !! thanks for calling me in the morning and sending ur msges in the morning asking me if i'm alright . thanks for ur concern . dun forget our promises we made together arhhs . studying hard together. make sure neither one of us is left behind . i'm realli fortunate to haf u as my brother . u never fail to make me smile . come to think of it, we haf noe each other since pri 1 . so let me think .. consider 10 yrs of friendship already ? WOW ! dat's long. hahas ! let's jia you together for our 'o's. i cant promise u dat i am able to meet u after results day. bud i'll definately make one of my days free for u . we haf simply loads to catch up yupps ? missing u ! one more thing ! i wanna see ur dogg soon. ((:

to baobeii marmie :
yupps ! not to worry .. i love our jokes ytd. though i'm feeling sad. bud i'm trying my best to make u luff. hahas ! and yes i did it. sorry for not saving ur life bud instead harming u. =P .. is ur stomach still pain ? i hope it feels better . (( : .. remember . whenever u haf stomach pains , drink hot water . or u may also lie on the bed , use a flat cushion to press on ur tummy . it helps. dats how i reduce my pain whenever i am hafing stomachaches. u can try if u wan ..

dun worry abt it . i won't let it affect my studies . like wad i said, i am pushing aside . i dun wanna think abt it anymore . studies are more impt than this. if he cant attend, its okay . we dun haf a choice isnt it ? no one wants it to be like dis. thanks for ur understanding mama. he knows that i'm surpporting him no matter wad happens . so not to worry yupps ?

of cos ! who wants to be sad ehhs ? its realli very hurtful to be sad. dun u think so ? i will be waiting for u phone call regardless u are sad or happy. 24/7 .. my phone is switched on for u no matter wad happens. u noe wad? i guess the only thing we haf now to keep our mind away from troubles are studies & exams . only that .. then we are able to keep our mind away from things for awhile . better than thinking abt the situation and crying right ? hahs. neither do i wan it to be this way either. lets be happy happy !!

ohhs ! dat day . hahas ! i still remember we were playing some kind of soccer game. hitting some round stuffs . we were so excited abt it. we kept on screaming . the room was filled wid us. we felt so comfortable wid it . hars .. i really miss those gd old days. let's retrieve that after our 'o's ehhs ? i dunno when will that be. bud we will definately find a day .

i guess todae wld b my last msg for u till 17 oct barhs . all the best for ur papers ! haf confidence & i'm sure u can enter ur fav jc ehhs ? cjc right ? if i'm not wrong. u can do it ! i haf confidence in u. ((: .. see u tml ! loves u !

to jia en ( darling / ah ma ) :
darling !! i also wan phone chat .. can the 3 of us conference ? i dun wanna be left out. boohoooos !! eh eh eh ! ni men liang ye too much le barhs.. go pub never invite me lorrs. u two private dating. hmppfffs !! hahas .. jus kidding. i dun wanna be extra either ..

come to think of it, we are turning 18 next yr. time realli flies. we are going to be grown-ups . =)

darling , dun kill me . im sorry abt ytd for not telling u . i jus wanna be alone for a moment . like wad u said , nd some time for reflection ? moreover , my mom was in my rm .i dare not call u . dun be angry okays ?

i am very clear .. u are my grandma, u are my close fren , u are my darling . we promise each other that we wld b there for each other regardless wad happens. i'm sorry dat i broke it ytd . cos , i really nd sometime alone. yuan liang wo barhhhs ..

thanks for urre understanding .. thanks for ur msges for me.. thanks for urrre reply. i dunno how many thanks am i going to say to u. cos its alot. once again. thanks darling ! dun worry alright ? it wont affect my studies. i can bao zhen dat . i will study real hard for my 'o's . its my main priority for now . i dunno if he wld make up for it . bud i dun mind anymore . whether he wants it or not. it doesnt matter anymore . as long as he's by myside i'm contented . realli .. i dun ask much .. i just nd him to be wid me.. dats all ..

tml is our paper . let's jia you together and achieve our best results ! ((: .. meet u at 710am at my hse downstairs alright ? we shall travel to sch together by my dad's "car".. hees ! see u tml darling. loves u loaddddddssssssss !!

to darling / sotong / sister / pig / sim :
heys ! u got alot of nicknames. i guess there are some i missed out . hees ! look how many i given u ? hahas ! anw, sry for making u worry ytd. u kept asking wad happen to me bud i did not wanna answer . cos, i was afraid that i may cry again. i dun wanna cry infront of my mom . she's in my room. so apologies for telling u ytd okays ? thanks for yea concern yuuppps ? bud dun worry , i am quite alright now . i'll be back to normal soon. promise okays ? if i'm not wrong, tml is the first day of u starting ur work . hope u enjoy doing ur sales barhhs . bud i bet u are going to. who knows, mayb u will be getting free shoes home ? wahhhs .. that costs very expensive ehhs ? i guess, thats in my dreams barhs. if its only for real. i wonder if the shoes are nice. hehs ! if they are not, even if its free, i bet u wont even wan. agree ? after my exams, let me noe the time of ur break and we will meet up for lunch.. and as usual , we will do our craps and gossips. =) darling , wo xiang si niii leeeeeeeeee !! ai niii ..!

to besties van & sher :
hey babes ! its been quite sometime we had fun together ehhhs ? i am missing those dayyys.. keep urself free after my exams end ! hahas. i am booked wid u gurls to haf overnite movies , outings , shoppings, gossips ,drinks ! i am dying to meet u gurls soon ... XD .. and also nt forgetting to ask my new god cousin to come along too ? shao min ? if i'm not wrong. kee kee ! our new kaki . ((: .. see yea soon babes. missing yea loads ! muacks !


` pls, grant me some breaks ?

[play this song while reading this entry . cos it creates the emotion how i really feels right now.]

work , wOrk , WORK ! my mind is full of wordings .. memorising.. my head is going bombard-ed very SOON !! in front of me are books , papers, pen for me to note down and memorise .

2 more days ! just 2 more days to my first paper . its making me freaking crazy abt it . am i too tensed up ? yes i'm . it shows very clearly. i'm trying my best to relax whenever i can. i guess for now, music is the only thing dat i'm able to relax myself wid barhhs.

sometimes , whenever i try to memorise stuffs, it just cant get into my head. i just cant absorb . i wonder why . mayb becos i'm too tired ? hahs ! well.. in fact , i am. been slping late till 3am plus .. waking up at 9am plus to study .. i just nd to bare for another 22 days or so ? till my exams are over . from then, i'm able to haf a gd rest . able to do wad i wan. 22 days ? its long . i'll just think positively . everything wld b fine ehhs ? it wld b just fine ...

okays ?! wad did i do todae ? the same old thing . study study study ! these two days i'll be focusing mainly on my bio as well as my lit . which is coming on the next day of bio . lit paper 1 . enemy of the ppl & unseen prose / poetry .

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
i thought i was alright all the while even though i'm tired. till i received a call from dar . must he disappoint me once again ?? mayb i shld not haf even invited him for my graduation day in the first place. in this way, i may not even feel hurt at all ? lucky i did not pinned high hopes on him comin for my graduation day . i may even feel worse ? i dunno .

do u noe wads my biggest wish ?
is to be able..
for u to see me receiving my graduation cert from G.O.H ..
witnessing the whole scene ..
seeing me dress in white ..
able to take a picture wid u ..
hoping to receive flowers from u ?
okays !
for that ,
its okay if i dun receive it .
bud at least,
seeing ur presence ?
it wld b enough ..

oh well , i'll just haf to stop thinking abt it barhs. no point broading over it ? he has camp to attend . can i even change the fact ? the answer is NO .

on dat day, i'll jus imagine that he's there even though he's not. when he's back from his overseas camp den i'll shall share wid him my happiness barhhhs .

let me put it this way .. or rather asking u ppl some questions ..
u invited ur partner , dun u wish ur partner to attend an important ceremony in ur life ?
seeing u graduating . sharing ur joy wid ur partner ?
if he/she says that he/she is unable to attend or rather last minute back out , wad is ur first reaction ?
on the outside, u may say u dun mind abt in .. bud in ur heart ? truthfully , how do u feel ? mayb for some u may not mind . dat's okay .

i just wanna say out my true feelings.

if u ppl are reading dis, can u reply me how exactly u feel ? i dun expect a perfect answer . i just nd some rough answer . thanks ! tagged me yupps ?

u said that i'm always quiet whenever i received news from u ..
i admit for that ..
i nd some time to think ...
i cant gib u a immediate answer sometimes ..
why ?
1 ) ur job : i was thinking abt ur safety. i know u are the guy who likes adventurous kind . one thing i am worried abt was dat i'm afraid u might get hurt again ....

2) travelling overseas : u are going away . i'm here in sg. i'm thinking, how am i going to spend 6mths without u ..? 6mths ! its not short . its half a yr. for 2 mths , its already realli hard for me. 6 mths .. i haf to bare wid it .. i am also afraid .. wad if it drags longer ? or rather , wad if u are too used to the environment there till .. u dun even wanna come back ? or mayb either of one will change ? ( okays ! i'm thinking too much. STOP ! )

seriously, i realli nd some time to think . u may think, why am i typing here instead of telling u personally .. that's becos wads comes in my mind now, i just wanna type it out. since u are sleeping now .. the time is 2:37am . i'm still awake. u ve to wake up early for work later...

u said u cant attend my graduation ceremony. does this means dat u also cant celebrate wid me when my 'o's are over as well which u promise me in the early months ?? forget it barhhs. wadever u said to me .. i wld just pretend that u didnt said to me at all . cos its realli hurtful for me to hear someone who made promises to me bud did not fulfill it. its not urre fault anw.. no one wants to . so, let just forget it barhhhs .. neither do i wan dis to affect our relationship ..

come to think of it . i am actually quite prepared dat he cant make it . dun ask me why . cos i guess its just my instinct ? i'm used to it anw . he always been busy wid his work . moreover, he is leaving next yr for 6mths overseas training . so, just let me get used to it that he's not by my side barhs.

regretting getting into this relationship ? no i'm not. i made this decision & i'm happy dat i'm wid him . he's the one who made me understand myself better . he's the one who made me realise wad true love is all abt ... being wid him , i felt so much happier in my life . yups ! at times i mayb tearing over him or some situation .. bud dat brings us closer to one another . isnt it ? he may not realise it bud i do .. whenever i'm sad , he's the one who cheered me up and be wid me always ..so the word, regretting ? is being crossed out . Xxxx ..

i dunno whether he wld b reading this entry . bud its alright even though he reads it . cos he has the right to noe yea ? like i said b4 , or rather agreeing wid each other dat .. we wld b truthful to one another regardless wad happens.

hahas ! know wad ? i said i wld not tear anymore and be a happy person . sorry ppl for those who i promise . i broke it . i broke down eventually ..

i drew this to show my expression .. hmms ~! i apologise for my bad drawing .. it turned out cute eventually ? hehs !

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

i was wondering , why are mostly gurls always tearing for guys ? i dun get it at times. bud i guess, that's the life of being a gal barhhs.. hahs ! gals are always so emotional . i realli admired strong gals . they are able to control their emotions real hard. unlike me. )): ..

i find myself useless at times. i am able to help others bud why cant i help myself instead ?

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingPhotobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image HostingPhotobucket - Video and Image Hosting

i just nd to be alone for now ...
i'll be fine after a while ..
i'm tired ..
i'm real tired of everything ..
i just nd some break ..
for now,
i noe its impossible if i ask anyone to grant me any break ..
exams are nearer ..
can i afford to haf any breaks ?
no there isnt ..
22 more days ..
just 22 more days ..
i'll bare wid it ...
after that,
my freedom wld b back ..
i'll just keep myself busy for the time being ..
to prevent me from hurting
or thinking ..
studies are my main piority now ..
and i wont let it affect my studies no matter wad ...
i'll just push everything aside for now ..

to marmie jess :
sorry if i broke my promise todae .. i broke down todae. i am unable to fufil this promise as well . yups ! as long as wad u promise me. just try if u can. i trust u & i wld not be worried abt it ..
okays ! after 'o's yupps ? regardless wad happens.. ring me / sms me alrighty ? u promise me dat.. dun broke it . ((: .. lets study hard and jia you together barhs. 2 more days to go.. we wld be seeing each other aagain .
yeahhhs . i miss those good tymes we had together. it was just so MADNESS .. u, me , sim , gen ? the four of us ? wld just go mad anytime whenever we are together. i ve no regret knowing u either. u brighten up my life . XD
dun worry ! i will not forget u .. in my heartxx is being carved ur name inside .. jesscia . my baobeii marmie. it wld never be erased no matter wad happens . i love u too .

Saturday, October 28, 2006

` -- feeling troubled ? ...


my stomach is still pain .. haisyoo . bud luckily i felt much better todae. ((: .. hope e pain wld stop soon barhs . come to think abt it , issit due to exam stress as well ? that's why its causing me the pain ? hmmms ..

during noon , i was shock to received an sms from minnie that they were coming to my hse in 15 mins time. i was like .. ? oh shucks ! i didnt even pack my table.. arhhhs !! and they are coming without telling me earlier ?? i quickly packed my table neater by abit and lied on my bed. hahas ! my stomach was pain .. so i'll just haf to lie on my bed using my pillow to surpport my tummy to reduce the pain . i'm some kind of worm . wriggly around . lolls !

received a call from dar after they came not long ago . he said he received a call & they said he practically haf to travel overseas everywk to do camp for a yr . its starting from next yr onwards . my mind went total blank . i went silent. i felt confused . he asked for my permission . i did not wan to answer . luckily he had a new case & had to hang up the call . i went back to my room and gave a thought . i was thinking , "why must he travel overseas all the time ? whyy ? " .. its okay if its once in a while bud does it haf to be so often ? leaving me alone here ? i thought i am able to spend more time wid him after my 'o's or rather next yr . bud looks like .. its impossible to do dat now . i dunno whether its confirm . he didnt explained to me clearly bud i'll find out soon .

if i say no ..
would u still go ?
would u be happy ?
disappointed wid the ans i given to u?
asking why i dun allow ?
the answers are in the above ..

in conclusion , i will hear from him abt this job again & will decide again barhhhs . i felt so lethargic suddenly . i wasn't crying on the outside but in my heart . i dun wanna hear anymore .

first , he told me that he's going 4 mths training course in australia . it took me quite awhile for me to decide .
secondly , he said he is planning to go for 6 yrs studies & wont be back till 6 yrs later. which is impossible for me to accept dat .
now , its this news ...

i'm clueless . i wont think abt it anymore till my exams are over !!

okays ! back to topic .. the 3 of us were studying our own subjects . jia en and minnie were studying on ss while me concentrating on my bio . i haf to score well for my bio and focus on this sub. cos its my worse sub among the rest. bud of cos i wont neglect my other subjs as well . ((: ..

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

wow ! i'm so hardworking. keke ! its not for show okays ? i'm realli studying !!

minnie was summarising her ss on my white board . and she said she wrote that for me to learn . hahas ! so sweet of her . thanks sweetie !

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

wads my darling doing ?!
revising her ss ..
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

and denn .. i dunno wad the hell happened to them ? they just snatch books away & stop me from revising my work !!
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

i am left wid these on my bed .. urghs !
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

minnie : aiyaa ! bu yao yi zhi du shu marhhs . o er ye yao xiu xi yi xia. zhe yang cai neng du de jin qu ma ..
jia en : ya lors ..

okays ! i'm left wid nth . so i just stone on the bed . i was bored.. went out of my room eventually to took a piece of gummy for me to chew. and guess wad? they locked me outside the room !!

me : [ knock the door ! ]
minnie : wait !!
me : [ waited .. thinking wad they are up to ? ]
minnie : ok !! [open the door ]
me : [sit on the chair .. searching for my "lost books " ]
me : whr's my books ?!!!
minnie : go and search lors .
jia en : treasure hunt !
me : aiyoos ! i already gong le la . quick ! whr are my books ? [ still searching ]
minnie : this is ur room. u shld noe whr to find . quick search search !
jia en : its not in my bag !!

hahs ! i was digging her bag actually and made a mess .. =P .. who cares ? i wan my book back. dats my main piority. keke !

me : AIYA ! whr issit ?
minnie : check ur cupboards !!
me : [ searching under my tv cupboard .. ] ohhhs !! my stationaries ! okay . now my books .
jia en : its around ur clothing area .
me : [ open my dressing cupboard ] whr ?!! dun even haf ..
minnie : [ took a peep ] jia en arhhs ?! are u sure u kept there ?
jia en : yupp !
minnie : i dun see any either .
jia en : [ came along to look ] .. nehhhhs !!
me & minnie : [ faints * ] ..

let me show u whr she hides them !

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

u dun see anything right ? they are just clothes / skirts ..

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

tala ! its there .. !!

LOL ! its lame.. i noe .. only a gal like her wld hide my books in these kind of places .. haiyoos !

alrighty ! enough of the playing .. lets continue our study .........

5.30pm .. they took a break while i continued mine. they were actually surfing the web ..
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

these gals . played some slow musics. making me falling aslp too !! i was feeling abit troubled too . so i just took a short nap . never did i thought, they took a pic of me !
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

hahas ! they said this pic makes me look like star fish . bud i called myself turtle. why ? because there is a minnie mouse cushion on my back ! & i treat that as my shell . cute issnt it ? i'm a special and unique tortise !

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

dis jia en !! added more soft toys on my back . minnie squashed/flattened me wid that . arhhhs ! poor me .. boohooos ! :'((

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

i am feeling so dead . LOL ! its 6pm . minnie gotta leave . so i sent her off my hse & bid gd bye to her while darling went off at 7pm . oh well . dats my day todae wid these two MAD gals ! hahas .

went back to my room to pack my stuffs & was reading jess's blog .

to my dotter, geradine:
i'm sorry for making you worried just because of me. sorry for not replying ure sms. i read it immediately when you sent, but i just didn't have the mood to reply to any sms-es ytd.that night was very bad. and it was already 2am - 3am plus. i wouldn't want to be soo inconsiderate as to call and disturb you just to tell you my sorrows.i'm always a problematic girl. i don't wish to burden you more with my problems.dotter, i know you're always here with me. i really appreciate it alot.i'm very thankful to have you and my marmie. no words could really express my feelings to you both.i promise you, you will definitely leave one big footprint in my heart.because i will never forget you at all. thank you for everything.and sorry for what i've done to myself.

to my marmie, jess :
marmie arhhs marmie .. u dun haf to say sry . its not ur fault . its okay ! i understand dat u do not haf the mood to reply my msg. i dun blame u . like i said b4 , its alright for me no matter how late it is. moreover , i wasnt aslp at that time . so, its okay for u to call me . if telling to me ur sorrows does makes u feel better , den go ahead and call me . dun always say dat u are bringing burden to me . u are not ! neither u are a problematic gal . i noe wad u are facing now and i understand how u feel . i'm willing to be ur listening ear no matter wad .

marmie , when i'm sad , u are there for me as well . showering me wid concern and care . sometimes even brightening up my life wid ur crazy actions . its my turn to do my part as ur dotter . did i ever complain to u when u told me ur problems ?

dun hurt urself anymore nor suffer alone. remember , i am always here .. just ring me .. no matter how bad the situation is . i'm here to accompany u till u are better . i promise u . i wont leave u alright ? i'm always here . take lotsa care ! love u !

well , frens been suffering wid troubles . so its my job to help them when they approached me barhs .

thanks darling - sim for sharing me ur problems as well . dun forget ! during dec , our outing . our date . plus , our gift for one another . we ve in mind . hees ! gosh ! i miss our past tymes we had together . the fun we had . we just wont get bored wid one another . we'll just keep ourselves busy wid entertainment no matter how bored we are . i'm missing u loads . hoping to see u soon . ((:

abt ur blog entries arhhs . u dun ve to caps my name la. i noe u love me loads . bud also dun ve to do dat marhs . hahs ! yupps . dun say dat too soon. soon .. u will find one. wahhaahs ! i know u too well ... =P !!

to ahma / darling , jia en :
i'm glad u are sharing ur probs to me now . i said many many times .. no matter how late it is just gib me a ring if u need someone to talk to . i wld pick up and u wont hear any complains from me . dats a gurantee ! i noe dat sometimes u just need sometime alone to do some reflection .. bud if there's one day u need me , just ring me ! dun cry alone in ur room anymore & stop keeping things to urself anymore !! think again , why am i here for ? i'm not some invisible sole okays ?

btw , thanks for todae's accompaniment ! u gurls did a very "GOOD JOB" TO ME !! urghs !

mum's is back for dinner at 745pm . was kinda pissed off wid my bro though . just becos i accidentally off the internet wireless server switch ? he was so pek chek ?? soccer is indeed so impt to him .. he is doing soccer betting on the net ..

i admit that it was my fault as well . i was so used to switch off the main switch after finish using the comp . its connected to the main plug . and i just off the main switch. so , that's why the the wireless server is off . i always got scolding from becos of this situation . arhhhs ! i'm praying hard that i will not off the main switch ever again ! otherwise i wld get another scolding from him & he wld gib me a black face .

my mom was telling me dat he was jus showing young master attitude. just ignore . LOL ! anw, i'm used to it. i've been staying wid him 17 yrs . his temper . i can understand very well .just like my dad . like father like son . hahs !

dad made orange juice for us . i came to a conclusion dat .. i cant drink orange juice whenever my 'best fren" came, i wld just end up hafing diahorrea & causin stomach pains . no drinking of fresh milk as well . okays ! noted for me !

dar is going for his fren 21 st bday tonite . he was surprised dat i allowed him to drink as much as he can. cos, normally i wld not allow him to drink . hahs ! dunno wad has gotten over me . he said i ve eaten wrong medicine. that's so unlikely of me. since i said den just let it be barhs . hope he's able to enjoy himself . i understand he's tired from his work . he doesnt haf a life . all day long its all abt work work work . its time for a day to enjoy himself.

i'm still feeling troubled ..
i ve no idea wad isst abt ..
i'm just feeling uncomfortable ..
wad has gotten over me ?
i'm clueless ..

Thursday, October 26, 2006

`- stomach pains .. again ?!! X(

after so many days , i finally got my sleep !! xie tian xie di ! yeahhhs ! i'm sooooo happy ! woke up at 6.30am to gib dar wake up call . den went to the toilet to release myself & guess wad i saw in the kitchen ??

i saw this little tiny thing on the floor. i switched on the light. i wasnt wearing my spects at that time. so i took a closer look & i saw my "best fren " .. its cockroach ! "xiao qiang" . hahs ! went to find my mom in the room and told her abt it . she says the cockroah is playing "dead" wid me ! she's actualy laying eggs. it was soo true !! oh my tian .. !! poor "best fren" was realli dead after dat . LOLS !

i went back to slp after that .. Zzzzzzzzz .. i haf such a nice slp todae. finally ! hmms ! questioning myself. why issit dat whenever i wan my slp i cant haf it ? or rather whenever i dun wan as yet, i can just slp so peacefully . dis is so weird .

had tution at 12 plus. as usual . my tutor was late . went to meet my darling at NTUC . we bought 2 bottles of 1 litre peel fresh orange juice .. den she bought sour skittles and den sour plums .. we seem like hafing picnic though . lolls ! we went to our "old" place. and STUDY !

abt an hr later ........ * kids coming * ... @#$%**%#@!!!! .. the place was filled wid noise ! oh my tian. i cant take it . guess wad? i was blasting my music. i guess jia en could not take it as well. hahs ! she took one of my ear phone and listen . we shared ear phones ! lols .

at 6 plus . my stomach hurts again ! this time its not normal hurting bud it that kind of diahorrea feeling . i felt so uncomfortable bud yet dun wanna abandon her alone. since we are going back at 7 .. its just a while more. so i just control lorrs . till i cant take it further. i decide to pack up and rush home .

went to toilet. & yupps ! i had diahorrea !!! again ?!! yea again .. wad did i eat again ?! arhhhhs ! i dun realli feel well after dat . didnt realli haf appetite to eat. my stomach hurts so badly. after eating i wanted to enter the toilet again bud i controlled. & I DID IT! lolls . i noe its not gd larhs. bud i just dun wanna enter the toilet anymore . u shld noe how uncomfortable it felt hors ? hee hee !

was talking to dar just now & i dun feel well . feel like vomitting out of the sudden. i almost puke out . luckily i hold back . phew ! though it seems yikey . bud no choice larhs .

arhs ! i'm feeling so uncomfortable . hopefully i feel better tml .. ((:

i just came to confirm wid my mom regarding abt the korea trip ! dar told me that its confirm . i was shockk when i heard that he knows abt it. wee wee knows it & i dun even noe it yet. urghs ! yeahhhs !! finally its been confirm. i'm so happy abt it. MY DREAM PLACE !!!

sry dar for not telling u cos i didnt noe that its been confirm. hee !

was reading jess blog & it scares the hell outta me ..

to marmie :
i seriously dunno wad happen to & u scared the hell outta me. u silly gal ! why didnt u call me when u nd someone to talk to ? why didnt u sms me instead since u dun feel like talking. i told u b4, wadever happens i am always here for u and not allowing u to suffer alone . dun do dat anymore alright ? pls ...

`suffering from insomnia ? --


am i suffering from insomnia or wad ? urghs !
its been like dis for days !! i simply had enough . i wan my precious SLEEP !!


the pain is killing me .

ppl been telling me to take panadols or sleeping pills. i decided not to. i dun wanna depend so much on medication . i am afraid i may get addicted one day. moreover, its not gd for health .

though listening to mp3 makes me fall alsp . bud its only an hr or less . i cant get myself to slp even though my eyes are real tired and pain. 3am plus i finally got myself to slp . howev its just for awhile .. then i woke up at 4am .. followed by 430am ... 445am .. 530am ... 612am ...

*alarm rang * 630am . my head hurts terribly when i woke up . wanted to go sch . becos todae is my last day attending sch b4 my 'o's start . i wanna spend more tyme wid my class. unfortunately i cant. so sad ! )):

was reading my frens blog . i just realised , why most of my frens are facing troubled now ? after i settled mine . issit a cycle ? dar is troubled too . hmms ! now its my turn to cheer them up . bud HOW ?? !! let me plan .. keke !

hey ppl ! i know 'o's are coming . u ppl are facing stress . studying so hard for 'o's . some of u even haf fallen sick . pls pls pls ! take gd care of urself. dun breakdown during 'o's alrighht ?? be strong ! jia you ! i noe u all can do it & so can i yupps ? if there's anything, just send me an email or rather ring me/sms me if u nd someone to talk to. dun keep things to urself . its very hurtful . just like me. u can just go crazy anytime. take lotsa care ! <3

alright . though its sad that i cant attend sch . from todae onwards there wldnt be any more classes . no more sch days. no more teaching . no more craziness in class . oh god ! i realli miss the days. 2002 -> 2006 . i spend 5 yrs in this sch. it just ended just like dat. 24 nov 2006 , 1230pm . my journey wid this sch will end. time realli passes so fast ehhs ? i'm so gonna miss my sec sch life !

tried to get myself to slp at 12plus till 3pm . woke up to wash up and study. though head still hurts , just control lorrs . my revision is going well so far . just burn more midnite oil & i think it shld b fine . i will b then be ready to do my papers barhs . ((: . let me gain my confidence back !

gonna wake up early tml to meet darling in the morning at around 9 plus to study ? its early ehhs ? hope i'm able to wake up at that time barhs. i wanna wake up early too .. to study . den haf tuition at 1130am till 1pm .. den down to meet my darling again for study .

pls gib me back my precious slp
i nd it badly ..
the pains are killing me.
i can take it no more .
if this continues ,
i'm just going BOMB-BARDED !

geradine is praying hard ......

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

|i|i|i| mummy's bday |i|i|i|

our class seems smaller and smaller each day . hahs ! everyone is falling sick . basically my whole clique are sick .

cheryl , me & sandy -- > having diarrhoea & stomach pains
suzanna & ai yue -- > sore throat
shi hui --> flu

wonder if it is due to haze. we were discussing abt it . i agreed wad they say too . it may b due to exam phobia. like wad sandy's tuition teacher said , everyone wld fall sick b4 taking their exams . dis is due to exam phobia . after everything is clear , u will b well again ! true ehhs ?

left abt a wk to 'o's . so students taking 'o's . pls take gd care of ur health okays ? dun fall sick during that period . take lotsa lotsa care . (( : ..

urghs ! my stomach still hurts . its been for two days already . hmms ! wonder wad haf i ate . in the morning, we were discussing abt chalet . thinking whr to book . we haf decided to haf a try at changi chalet . though its far , just gib it a try barhs . if not, always hafing chalet at pasir ris is kinda bored too . so why not we gib it a try at changi . change of taste ? keke !

aww ~!! bud sadly, jermaine msg to me in the afternoon and told me dat the rms been fully bk . so we haf to find another destination . let's see how it goes barhs .. oh well ..

didnt haf much lesson todae actually. we were mostly doing self-study in class . yupps ! this is my last time hafing lit lesson !! i am so going to miss my lesson wid ms puspalm . such a sweet, caring and nice teacher . its realli hard to find such a patient teacher like her . she ishh sooooo SWEET ! . everyone loves her . agree wid me gals ?

she let us off early at 2pm . seeing all our tired faces .. hahs ! she gave us a choice to choose to end lesson either at 2pm or 315pm . we decided to choose the earlier time . yeah ! all of us were tired . exhausted from studying so much . one look at our faces , u will noe . like zombiee !! hahs .
2pm ! we are dismissed . since me and jess wanna haf our last and memorable lunch together , we decided to haf in the canteen . we crap alot . dis day , 231006 , will never be forgotten . guess wad ? this is the first time i see aunty from the indian stall , frying such a nice egg for my marmie and me ! shoooooo happy !!

see marmie's egg .. so flat and nice isnt it ?
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

too bad i did not get to take mine . i destroyed it already . hee hee !

this is our END - PRODUCT :
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

while eating , we were actually exchanging phones . i saw her pictures ! i found some practical pictures in her phones. i stole some from her .. kekeke !

chemistry : titrations
the apparatus :
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

it is yellow in alkaline :
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

red in acid :
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

orange if neutral :
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

biology :
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

my practicals memories .. ends : 191006 , thurs , 1130am ..

then while i scroll down. i saw broke nails which she hurt her toe during one of the pe days . she took a picture of it .
look how long her toe nail was ?

oh my tian ! she actually ask me to send this pic to my phone . i was like for wad ? she was so happy when i send that to my phone. lolls ! poor thing . her toe nail broke until like dat . i'm very sure it hurts real badly . ouchie !! the photo seems so sick sia ! i was eating while i look that pic . going to delete it in my phone sooner or later. hahs !

after eating, jess went home while me waiting for my darling to dismiss from her f&n class .

to jess :
marmie , i wont forget our last lunch together todae . i enjoyed our last lunch together & it wld never b forgotten. in my memories forever . we treat each other food todae . i treat u orange juice and u treat me mash potato . yays ! and we treat our own chicken rice wid egg. keke ! fair fair . wahhas !

one more thing, i forgot to carry u todae ! which we plan to . hahas ! nvm . next time barhs . keke !

its okay if u can only keep 4 promises for now. its alright . i noe its hard to keep the other promise. bud just try okays ? cos i wanna see u smile and be happy again. the jessica i once see b4 who always bring her beautiful and sweetness smile yea ?

i read ur blog messages . its realli sweet . and u noe wad ? dun think dat u dun deserve to b my mother . i telling u now. no matter wad happens, wadever u do . u are always my baobeii marmie . pls do not say like dat again anymore alright ? dun feel bad becos dats wad frens are for. dats wad marmie and dotter shld b like . there for each other when the opposition are in nd ehhs ?

i love u always .

took bus back wid darling . the bus was so crowded . we stood the whole journey . when i reached home , my family seems excited to see me . dis is the first time i felt dis way . hahas ! espeically my mama .

me : popo ! ( calling my grandma )
grandma : come back already arhs ? ( in canto )
nicole jie : wahs ! ur hair so long already ? can tie already arhs ?
me : yupps !

when i stepped into the living rm, the first thing i saw was mj table . i was like .. mj again ? hahas ! my grandma , mom, bro and nicole jie open a table and they start playing . oh my tian ! like dat also can . hahs ! while they were playing mj , i'm watching tv .

grandma ( talking to my mom ) : next time teacher geradine how to play and she can join us liao .
mom : haha !
me : hahas ! wait wait ! soon soon .

LOL ! after 'o's. anything also can la ! hahas . its 7pm . time to change and head to jumbo restaurant at clark quey to ve our dinner . celebrating my mom's bday . (( : .. 8pm was the reservation time .

who attended ? well , our grp pics tells it all . hee !
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

this is the pressie dat the "kids " bought for her :
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

nice hors ? even i love it too. keke !

mama and grandma :
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

mom showing off her new watch ( hees ! ) :
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

whoa ! o_O ! the food tastes so delicious todae . we had chilli crab too . the crab is real giant and big !! hahas . its so fresh . yummy ! look how BIG the "GONG" is ?!
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

arhs ! all of us were full after our meal . we wanted to cut cake in the restaurant intially. bud decided not as we were too full . so decided to proceed to our hse instead .

while walking back to the mrt station , had our grp photos again . i found another place to release stress. dat is clark quey . able to sit at the stair steps there. its realli nice and relaxing. darling ! i shall bring u there one day .

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

reached home , we rest forawhile and watch " liao zhai " .. we cut cake after the show and sang happy bday !! mama is "younger " by a yr . hahs ! look how happy she is ?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

after dat, we ate our cakes, enjoying the dvd . hahs ! we were actually watching the past time when my mom joined the wheel of fortune singapore . and also, how retro she looks the past time as well . keke !

nicole jie and her siblings went off at 12plus am . and now, its the actual of my mom's bday !
mommy ! happy bday ! i love u always . muacks muacks !

to my darling jia en & baobeii marmie jess :
hey gals ! guess wad ? if u realise , after our msges wid each other in each of our blogs . i felt dat our friendship haf grown stronger and also we haf known and understand each other more . i hope our friendship continues to be like dis. remaining strong and not fade away okays ? dun forget our promises dat we made together after 'o's okays ??

our plans together after 'o's :
1) take photos around the sch . 20 nov . 9am .
2) esplanade
3) borrow music scores from library
4) shopping !!

hmms ! did i miss out anything ? keke !
thanks for being there for me and the encouragment u gurls have given me for the past 2 days or so . lets jia you together for our 'o's den we can enjoy and haf fun together yupps ?

no one can ever break us apart .

love u gals loads and loads and loads !

urghs ! my stomach is hurting again .. hafing headache somemore .. i haven been getting gd slp though for the past few days . i dun think i am going to haf gd slp for todae as well . haish ! i am feeling so tired already bud i still cant get myself to slp . in order to make myself fall aslp, all i can do is to on my mp3 .. that doesnt last long . only for an hr or less . i just wan dis torture to b over fast . dat is 20 nov. my end of 'o's . dats when i get my freedom and rest .

jia you barhs ! =) .

Sunday, October 22, 2006

`messages [][][][]

urghs ! was having stomach pains in the middle of the nite . my stomach hurts so badly & i had diarrhoea in the morning. now it still hurting so badly . overall - > i cant slp well ..

was thinking last nite abt dar , he's too busy and tired wid his work & i do not wanna to create more further . just lyke ytd. no calls / msges frm him . 2 days its been lyke dis . i waited for his call till 2am plus . there was no sign . i was too tired & i decided to turn in .

this morning , he replied & apologised to me . i made a conclusion and i decided i dun mind him not calling me if he's too busy .

again, i questioned myself if i really dun mind ? my decision was yes. once i made my decision , its done ! i dun wanna create a burden to him or wad . he is already tired from his work . so for now, i'll just let him concentrate on his work while i concentrate on mine . i am basically tired of everything and i dun wanna think further . after my 'o's den i will think abt it again bahs . as long as our relationship remains strong , i seriously dun mind . as long as he is happy. cos, i wan him to b the 1st and last guy to be wid . the guy dat i wanna b wid forever .

though at times, i miss him loads , sometimes even tearin over him , wanting to call him and hear his voice bud yet dun wanna disturb him . well , i felt dis haf to stop for now . its making me feeling very hurtful and i dun wanna remain like dis . i ve to be strong . its time to stop !!

okays ! regarding abt my previous entries or rather the past 2 days entries . i'm sorry if i made u guys worried . i was feeling terribly emotional and talking all those nonense which hurt u ppl feelings . bud i promise it wld not happen again alright ? i noe u ppl care for me as much as i care for u guys . i felt touched when u gurls wrote msges for me and i almost cried . indeed i did . a little though . hahs !

these are my msges to u gurls ..

to jia en ( ah ma / darling ) :
darling, i wont think so much anymore . i ve let go all my probs already . so not to worry. u will see the happy side of me again . ((: . mon , it wld b a brand new me . or rather , u will see the geradine , u once see again. i noe u gurls are joking wid me and didnt mean wad u said . i terribly sorry abt my msges to u gurls as i was in a foul mood . i apologise to u gurls once again . well , its not hurting me anymore cos i noe wad u gurls mean yea . dun worry .

i wont think too much abt jeff anymore . i'll be letting him concentrating on his work while i concentrate on mine as well . i am not going to allow him to affect my mood again . cos its realli hurting me for me to do so . after 'o's den i'll focus on relationship barhs . i'll be strong yupps ?

i promise i will b sharing my probs wid u no matter wad okays ? thank you for being there wid me whenever i am in nd . i love u loads always and i always will . our friendship will remain strong no matter wad yepps ? muacks !

regarding abt the chalet . we haf not decide . so , once it's confirm .. we will discuss abt it again barhs . shi hui is in our clique . no matter wad, i will not leave her out . like wad i said , will discuss again once it's confirm .

to jess ( baobeii marmie ) :
marmie , u made 5 promises to me and i will not forget . make sure u remember too okays ? otherwise i will b very heartbroken worrs. keke !

1) orange juice
2) call me when u are in hk
3) try ur best to be happy no matter wad
4) the 3 of us wil forever be together
5) take photos around the sch after 'o' lvl . 20 nov . 9am .

though tml is the last day we will b hafing lunch together , i will treasure the times we had together . regardless whr we will b . must remain in contact . dun forget me okays ?! love u loads mama ! muacks !

to vanessa jie ( bestie cousin ) :
heys ! sry abt my entries of wad i said dat i ve no one to share my burden wid . i felt real emotional at that time . so, i am typing some sort of rubbish . just ignored dat alright ? i noe u been treating me like sister instead of cousin . we haf been beri close since young . we shared probs wid each other no matter wad . u noe me well . we haf gone thru ups and downs . meet up after 'o's okay ! i miss u loads !! let's haf our shoppings , movies , stayed up .. etc.. !! our crazy moments together will always remain. (( : ..

to moii dearest dar :
its okay dat u are too tired to contact me . i dun mind anymore . i understand u are busy wid ur work and got urself too tired . i dun wanna create extra burden to u or wadsoever . i dont wanna u to feel bad that u cant spend time wid me . like i said, i dun mind anymore . so for now , just concentrate on ur work . contact me when u are free or able to barhs . as usual i will still msg u . just reply or ring me whenever u can . i miss u loads and love u always . no matter wad. no one can ever replace u in my heart . we shall meet up after my 'o's alright ? u promise me dat . =P ! dar , I LOVE U !! muacks !

awww ~! i tearing again while typing msges to u gurls . hahs ! u gurls better feel touched okays ??!!!!!

opps ! my stomach is growling ! i'm hungry ! gonna haf my dinner for now .

once again !
I LOVE U LOADS BABES & THANKS ALOT FOR BEING THERE FOR ME NO MATTER WAD . dats wads frens are for ehhs ? u babes realli made my day . i am back to myself . and i will always remain happy no matter wad . XD .

surppose to go to my uncle hse to haf family gathering . decided not to go in the end as i had too many stuffs to catch up . i haf no time to waste . so , it shall b my study day todae ! its all abt work ! i am left at home wid my brother . he's busy watching soccer . hahs ! he rather watch soccer than go for family gathering . look how impt soccer is to him ? =P !

Saturday, October 21, 2006

` apologies !

was crying my whole heart out at nite . its time to let everything out. i cant hold it longer. my heart, is getting heavier . was listening to music to make me fall aslp . i confess out my feelings to dear. how i actually felt.

this was wad i told him :
dear, i am missin u loads. donno when will i see u again . u been busy wid yea work. now, u hardly contact me as well. no morning msges from u. every nite, i been waiting for yea call. when u call during the nite, its only for a few mins/secs just to report me dat u are home. i dun ask much dear. i just haf 1 request , if u are realli busy , i dun expect any calls from u . a morning and nite msges from u will do. are u able to do dat ? gd nite dear & love u ..

come to think of it .. am i doing the right thing ?

after sometyme, i decided to post my 6 mth gift. like i said, i wanna throw all my unhappiness away. i dun wanna keep anymore. so i decided to post it ..

1) box
2) coloured papers in the box
3) diary
4) cd - love songs
5) my sch badge ( he wants it )

in the diary , it was filled wid my poems, messages , photos , song lyrics etc .. 2 months of hard work for him . and now, i decided to let go ... will pass it to him for the next meeting barhs. i dunno when will it b. sigh !

i admit i was feeling very emotional ytd . oh well ! since i let cried my whole heart ytd and got everything out. i must as well let it out to him as well . i felt much better todae ! i not gonna think of the unhappiness anymore. i ve let them go & i will move on .. sorry ppl if i made u guys worried abt me. i'm fine now.

went to bugis temple to pray wid jia en . prayed for exams and personal stuffs . oh my tian ! the place was so crowded !! its always like dis. never change. XO

after praying , i stepped out of the temple. i told myself . its a new start again. i haf let go . i am back to normal again . i wont think of anything bud just on studying now . yupps ! study study study ! books books books ! days are getting nearer each day . i'm starting to feel afraid . bud i will gain my confidence and do my best !

went to bugis street to walk for awhile, & we saw some piggie stuffs. its so cute ! sadly, they are imitations. the pigs looked disfigured somehow though . lolls ! didnt buy in the end though we thought it was cute . hahs !

went to sim lim square . jia en wants to get her cd-r . and we head to vivo city . guess wad ? we were stuck in the jam for 1/2 or more in the bus . we decided not to go in the end and head straight back home. so saddy ! all thanks to the jam !! arghhhhs !

oh well , looks lyke i haf to wait till 24 nov ?? heh !

was reading marmie's blog. and i read this ... i was so TOUCHED !!

to my nuer, geradine:
i've read ure blog on monday. i'm really sorry about my blog entry on monday. sorry if i've made you unhappy about it. i didn't mean it. i was too sad. but anyway, i've read what you wrote to me. thanks alot. it was one very thoughtful & sweet reply indeed. thanks for willing to be there for me. (:and you also take care ok? just read ure blog. wells, just try not to think soo much yupp? relax and take it easy. don't stress yourself soo much. you will definitely be fine soon.though soon, we may be separated because school's closing, i hope you will never forget me as once ure friend, and ure marmie.trust me, friendship is forever. =pp our past photos ~ memories (:i hope you remember them all.

awww ~! she put our photos inside too . hahas !

to marmie :
mama ! its okay .. u dun haf to apologise. i understand how u felt. so its okay . dun haf to feel bad abt it alrightx ? yea ! i will not think so much . dun worry . i'm fine now. though we will be separated after sch closure but we will always keep in contact okays ? promise ? u will never b forgotten in my heart. once u are marmie , u will forever b. my deario marmie. ((: . its so sweet of u to upload our photos in ur blog . take lotsa care especially ur health. u been hafing late nites causing u insufficient rest . dun cry anymore . i noe its hard. just try ur best barh . nu er is always here for u okays ? wadever ur decision is, i will surpport u . i love u loads mama ! see u on mon . orange juice ? hahas ! i will treasure the last mon we will b hafing lunch together. awww !

Friday, October 20, 2006

XX( saddist ] *

i did not slp well ytd nite. woke up at 330am .. all i remember was i dreamt of dar . i did not feel good. i cant remember wad was it abt . haish ~! i miss him loads .. i realli do .. say me dat i'm suffering from love sick barhs . LOL ! not sure when will i b meeting him again. he's been busy wid his work and now he hardly call me . even so, he wld call at around 10 plus to report to me dat he's hm . and after dat , we wld hang up call . its just only a few secs / mins . worse still , now he didnt even send me morning msges which he normally do . i understand dat he's busy and tired after finishing work. so am i .. making myself so tired after studying . urghs ! just let me brag abt it barhs .. i'll b fine after awhile .. just wanna let it all out .

went for toilet break at 330am plus and found out moii bro was still awake watching his soccer . i walked back to my rm and went back to slp . 6am plus ! out of a sudden, i was crying so badly. i scared my mom. she was thinking wad was happening to me. the dream seemed so real . i thought it was real till my mom woke me up. den i realised it was a dream afterall . as usual , i cant remember wad my dream actually was. all i remember quarrelling badly wid my mom sigh !

i felt so terrible when i woke up. mom said dat i overtired myself .. causing myself hafing too much stress and told me to haf a gd rest at home. i listened to her advise and did not go sch eventually . i was dying to go for a swim at that time .. able to swim as fast as i could, able to let out all these terrible thngs away. unfortunately, its still early . how cld i do dat ? only afternoon then i wld b able to ..

i am unable to slp well after dat. been waking up almost every hr & whenever i am awake , tears been flowing down my eyes . yupps ! i realli felt terrible. come to think of it , i haf no idea wad time i woke up actually . whole nite and day . i am unable to slp well. shld i consider myself being able to slp ? 1030am plus . i got myself out of bed. i cant take it no more . i was hafing a terrible headache. if i haf noe in the first place, i shld haf gone to sch instead of staying at home feeling so sickening ! i haf no appetite to eat anything . only drank soup. mom went to work early cos her boss needs to see her regarding the upgarding of gym. i will be going in the afternoon and study as well as exercise .

reached my mama office at around 1 plus . i was lyke : " OH MY TIAN ?! WHY SO MANY PPL IN THE CLUBHOUSE ?? ITS SO UNUSUAL .. "

mom : ya lor ! i was surprised too . i thought everyone wld b back home at 12pm . never did i thought they came over here to play game.
me : so scary !

hahs ! cos .. everytime , when i enter the clubhse, its always so quiet . so its not surprising dat i felt dat way . i am not used to it though.

had my lunch first b4 these two gurls came. potato noodles. i beginning to fall in love wid dis noodle sia. it's simply nice . after eating , was studying bio and these two came . wahhhs !! so chatty sia ! say dat it's a waste that i did not went to sch as i missed out all the fun. another sigh !!!!! jia en gave me so many presents. looks like this wk end, i gonna be real busy again . they were asking me why was i wearing so nice ??

me : cos i wanna wash this clothes of mine which i wore halfway the other time.
minnie : aiyos ! just wear normal can le ma. shorts like last time wad u wore ? bu dong ni yao gei shuei kan ..
jia en : [whispering to minnie ]
me : wondering wad are dey talking abt .
my mom : let the chef see.
me : errr ...

i guess as much dat jia en was saying dat i wore so nice is to let her see ! bu yao lian arhhs !! like i said , i wore becos i wanna wash it ! arghs ! LOL ! oh well .. they went to haf their lunch. as for me , just in time dat my food got digested and went for a swim . jia en and minnie advise me not to swim as the haze PSI is getting heavier . i did not listen to them. i went into the pool and swam . as i swam , my mind was full of things .. the dream, the stress i had . the troubles dats occuring me . i told myself " just swim as fast as u could . see the other end ? do u see the ending point ? yes ! swim till the end and finish it. u can do it ! let it out .. just let everything out . wadever u haf. just let it out . " i swam all the way . i took a break for 3 times. the rest of the time i was swimming . even though i was tired. i just told myself to swim no matter wad . got myself out of the pool after 1 hr or more ? so dat is around 4 plus . i saw ppl dipping in the pool for a swim. i decided to stop .. went to bathe . i was draining myself wid water .. yupps ! draining myself .. i felt much better after everything . went up , took my stuffs and went into the meeting rm .

me : why are u gurls looking so dead ?
them : u say leh ! we are very tired lehs. look at me (minnie ) ! see wad am i studying ?! we woke up very early to attend sch and u able to wake up until so late . can slp until so shuang . able to enjoy ur food and go for a swim . able to freshen urself up b4 studying again.

when i heard that, i noe dat they are just kidding bud i dunno why i felt kinda hurt . i kept quiet, blast my music and began my study . i was holding back my tears very badly .

while i was blasting the music, in my heart , i was thinking :
you think dat u gurls are tired ? so am i .. i understand dat u gurls are tired wid sch work stuffs, waking up so early to attend sch . i felt so envy when u gurls are sharing ur happy moments in sch . no one knows wads inside me at that moment. suffering like hell. crying like no one business in my room . dun compare me wid u gals regarding who are tired . u may not noe, mayb i am worse than u gurls ? u think i haf sufficient rest ? i'm sorry to say dat i'm not ! u gurls at least haf some hrs of slp bud i hardly haf any . i felt so much like going to sch . bud i was too weak to do dat . i regret myself not going . i wanted to join u gurls so badly . if i do dat, mayb i wld much happier than staying at home so solemly ?? as if someone who is close to me haf left me out of a sudden ? sorry gurls if i'm anti-social todae. or rather , sounding mean, showing u gurls some attitude. i just nd some time alone. i am not healed yet .

yupps ! and then i continued studying my bio and increasing the vol of my music . till abt 530 pm . this was wad happen ..

minnie : mei niu !!
me : [ no response ]
jia en : geradine !!
me : [ no response ]
minnie: oiieee !!!
me : [ no response ]
jia en : [bang the table]
me : [no response ]
minnie : mei niu
me: [ no response ]
jia en : [ bang th table harder ]
me : [ looking back ] huh ?
minnie and jia en : wahhh !! u finally response . call u like dunno how many times.
me : sry la ! my music too loud cannot hear .
minnie : ya lor ! even if there is a bomb beside u . u dun even realise arh . other ppl run away already u still happily sitting down there doing ur work .


minnie and jia en : wah ! dunno how u survive sia. the music so loud. even we can hear la ! sooner or later ur ear drum confirm bombak !
me : sorry lor ! i realli cant hear u gurls .
minnie and jia en : lets go home.
me : orhhs .

i packed up my stuffs and went home .

sry again gurls if i blast my music too loud. causing disturbance to u gurls cos whenever i am in a foul mood i tend to on very loud . i agree wid u gurls dat my hearing got prob especially my left ear ever since my dad slap me wid a hard plastic ruler when i was pri 5 due to some situation . i dun wanna think abt it anymore . and then, my ear drum just went eeeeeeeeee .. from that moment on, my earing wasnt dat gd . dats why i cant hear when u gurls talking to me and made u all repeating urself several times. being so fed up and ended up not repeating . when listening to music, u gurls may think its loud bud to me , its kinda soft . so, i guess its like one lvl lower from u gurls barh . next time , if u gurls felt disturbed by my music just tell me. i will lower down okays ?

took 57 home . had dinner and watch goong ! 7pm show. dis show is realli nice. i love dis show. sadly its only 24 episodes . and there will b change in character for vol 2 . so sad ! e turn out wldnt b dat nice anymore . i guess i wont b watching ba .

going to temple wid these two babes again at bugis. cos jia en wants to pray for her exams. intially, jia en asked me to accompany her. den minnie says she wants to. so in the end the 3 of us going together. (( : . hopefully, after praying, everything wld go smoothly .

HAISHHHHH ! = ( -headache ! headache ! headache ! the pain is killing me !

who can i actually share my burden wid ?
everyone is busy wid their stuffs .
dar is busy wid his work .
frens been busy wid their studies .
they haf their own probs .
why shld i add more into them ?
i wld feel guilty and sad .
even if they dun mind ,
i wld still feel the same .
i just dunno who to turn to
bud to myself .
i wld rather face my probs alone
than adding them into it .
i felt so clueless at times .
i just do not noe wad to do .
i'm feeling so terrible ...
i'm shouting out this word now ..
H E L P !

Thursday, October 19, 2006

`science practical ..

todae ishhh the day. didnt slp well though. keep on waking up. guess i am too "excited" for the practical barhs. wahahas . woke up at 5am to revise my practicals till 635am .. i get rdy.. and off to sch .. arghs ! careless me forgot to bring my calculator. in the end haf to ask dad to u-turn back to get my calculator. luckily i was still early otherwise, i gonna b so dead !!

didi and cheryl were waiting for me at foyer den we went up to library .. cheryl was shift 1 so she went to report first while me and didi were in 2nd shift .. reporting time was at 915am. slowly slowly one by one came.. and time realli flies ! 915am .. tala ! time to report.. get all my stuffs and line up according to register number and down we go to sci lab. i was so nervous and scared. i cant seem to remember all the observations and all dat... the reaction.. arhhhs !! my mind was in total blank. all i noe was... " OH SHIT ! " .. LOL !

walked past the lab .. we saw, leaf .. etc .. 2nd thing came thru my mind .. " I AM DEAD ! ITS SO TOUGH ! " .. everyone was basically complaining abt it .. okay ! time to get in.. blah blah blah.. instructions were given .. bio was kinda tricky and interesting though . there are so many apparatus on my bench. i was quite confused at first bud got used to it in the end. chemistry was easier than bio .. if i'm not wrong, i got some ans wrong. let's hope dat my practical dun score dat bad barhs ..

1 1/2 hr passed just like dat .. practical is over !! no more pract anymore !! shld it b a joyful event ? or shld i b sad ?? cos no more experiments. now is all theory !! sianx ! wash up everything and went up to theatrette for quarantine. we were doing more on talking than hafing self-revision. had 15 mins longer the gurls in shift 1 and 2 were too noisy. didi and cheryl were saying that its good.. cos ! we will haf more bonding wid one another. LOL ! true also la.

145 pm .. go home ! me and shi hui stayed in library to haf our self-revision. then i realised jia en staying back also cos she thought i staying in sch alone so she decided to accompany me until she found out dat shi hui also nds to stay back as well .. so sweet of her ! sry darling ! i thought u noe dats why i didnt tell u. in the end, minnie join us too ..

i was feeling so dead after practicals. my mind is going zero rate soon. shi hui keep saying dat i'm so dead .. sry babes ! hafing 4 hrs of slp .. the result of me wld b like dis. went to canteen to haf our lunch. i had indian rojak again .. i choose alot alot den share among the 4 of us .. so full ! i was quiet all the way. enjoying my food while the 3 of them .. so chatty .. haiyOos ! they seem more like entertaining me ! hiak hiak hiak ~!

after eating, went to clear my plate first.. and i went back , jia en was putting her leg on the chair .. heh heh ! sooooo ... i pull out one of her shoe lace .. dis woman !! go and pull mine.. then mnnie and shi hui came along ! arhhhhhs !! gang bang !! wth !! jia en got her revenge .. !! they grab me . stop me from escaping .. den pull my shoe out, tickled me and pulled out my shoe lace as well.. jia en was saying : " THIS IS MY REVENGE !" hahas .. i still cant forget the day when i did this to her outside bugis cinema after our sports day carnival .. wheehee ! ok gurl ! u win .. i was luffing like hell. i just fell down the floor.. stomach was in pain .. i felt so maluated !!!!!!

me sitting at another side of the table and happily put back my shoe lace into the little holes ! thanks to them !!!

jia en : she is like doing sewing like dat la !
minnie and shi hui : ta hao ke lian oh ~!
minnie : i see a black shadow inside her .. like the ouran high host club show..

i looked back at them gibing them dat look.. hahs ! all of them luff .. haiyOos ! qi si wo la ! went back to library .. this is the first time that the library seems like ours ! no one was in the library except us !we did our self study there .

stayed till abt 445 , jeslyn they all came. 15 mins later or so ..

rachel : mrs leong say that lesson been cancelled .. !!

all of us were like .. HUH ?!! yeah ! a big huh . ?? she cancelled it. i guess she is too busy abt todae's practical dat she cant make it barhs. haiyOos. make us stay back for nth .. bud its okay ! cos i enjoyed myself alot todae. den dis jiaen ! was solving dis stupid maths qns. and guess wad ? we spend 45mins on that toppid qns which is like so easy to solve ?? poor her spending more than 1 hr ++ .. hahs ! the 4 of us were like cracking like mad ! and i went high eventually. the 3 of them say that i was mad + noisy ! hahahs .

minnie : now i see the true self of ker when she trying hard to solve a qns ! hahahaha ..

shi hui went back home first. the 3 of us still dun wan to gib up .. finding hard to solve dat qns . the time is already 6 plus .. arhhhs ! bth .. time to find ms wong .. went to find her to solve dat qns & realise that it was so easy !! arhhhhs ... i realli wanna bang the wall. hahs . cannot b blame. all of us were so tired already .. my energy lvl is 9/10 already .. i am dying to go back and rest .. my eyes were painful ..

jia en says she wants to top up her ez-link card at bm . so accompany her lor . she bought tibits back home. the whole journey we did not talk at all. i closed my eyes in e bus .. Zzzzz .. bud not to worry .. i did not miss my stop . hee hee !

okays ! i'm going to turn in early. just gonna study abit and then off to bed early. still hafing sch tml.. sighhhhh !!

MY SWIMMING DAY TML ! no rain pls ?? ((:

sry dar dat i did not chat wid u ytd & todae ..
i was dead tired .
and busy studying .
bud i promise u ..
tml will b back to normal okays ?
i love u loadsssssss !!
muacks !!
-misshing u ..

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

` science practical tml ..

tml is the day for 'o' science pract. oh my tian ! i am feeling so afraid. hopefully nth goes wrong. hopefully the examiner who set the questions wouldnt b dat evil to set so tough barhs. ? i wishhh.... i wld remember wad i haf learnt. pray hard !!

remind myself :
1 ) entry proof
2) IC
3) calculator
4) stationary

i think dat shld b all barhs .. heh ! wish me luck ehhs ?? kia kia *

reached sch at 720am todae. thought there was morning assembly bud there wasnt. met them at foyer and sadly, 21 ++ gurls came to sch todae .. didi, me and cheryl were hoping no one came to sch except the 3 of us cos it was so peaceful ytd. wahahahs ! evil ehhs ?

poor moonie lost her voice todae. whenever she speak she just go out of tune and its so funni. we are so bad to laugh at her .. keep away from her to prevent spreading of germs. wahahs ! we are jus kidding so dun take it to heart. (( :

mrs low was so nice todae to let us revise our chem pract.. den we had combine sci wid mrs leong and mr yeo. how nice if two teachers were in class together everytime cos its so entertaining.

i wont forget this part :
mrs leong : girls ! the best way to smash the particles is to use a ruler to smash it.
mr yeo : use ur head to smash it ..
mrs leong : mr yeo ! their practical is tml !!
hmms ! wad if u wan to smash wid watermelon ? use head also arh ?
mr yeo : [ gives a gd sign . thumbs up ! smile widely ]

whole class luff so loudly !! this is the first time i see mr yeo not um chio-ing bud smiling so naturally. hahas ! i wanna see more of it. the class says dat he's cute & i agree dat too . both teachers went thru practicals .. tml is our day. after tml ! NO MORE PRACTICALS ! yays ! bud i will miss it. cos, it's really interesting and fun doing practs.

had accounts lesson after dat. was mainly doing practise of sch papers and den recess. chery, me and didi seems to addicted to rojak which we ate ytd. wahahs .. eat till so shuang. went up to hall after eating for graduation rehersal.. all of us sat according to register number and class .. practised going up and down the stage as well as bowing. haf to reherse again next wk wid our heels so dat we are comfortable wid it. i dun think there is a nd for me though as i'll b buying new heels. my heels is going to spoil soon. the colour are fading though. i decided to buy after my 'o's ..

went back home at 1.30pm.. bathe ... and went to my hse nearby to study. i found a new study place wid my darling !! the place is cooling .. though the environment is not dat nice la. bud still its quiet and windy. there are tables too ! i beginning to love dat place. whee ! thanks to jia en's intro.

1st pic .. look like those fast food restaurant hors ? we studied there ytd as well .. and we bought this drink ytd .. dont u think the can is cute ?? ( 2nd pic )
and i'm so in love wid that drink. its so nice. bought frm nearby vending machine. just a few steps away. keke !!

after a few hrs .. was resting .. den, i caught her sleeping !! (3 rd )
dun think i dun noe okays ? wahahs ! i caught her in action. she's going to kill me when she see this. and think i'm wu liao. well, in fact i'm la. i dun admit dat...

and me ! see.. so heartworking ! revising my chem.. (( : (4th)

arghs ! was hafing stomach pain around 5 plus and i wanted to go home .. dis jia en dun allow me too. lucky the pain subsided .. otherwise i am going to murder dat woman ! =P .. well, we went high at 6 plus till 7 pm.. questioning each other .. was msging mrs leong to ask her some qns. we were some kind of like playing guessing game and we guessed correctly. hahs ! that light in dat hdb flat seems kinda slow motion though .. other flats were lighted up at 6 plus and dis flat was lighted up reaching 7 .. and its not all .. its only a few and then after dat, den the rest. we were luffing away. LOL !

gonna stay back in sch till 7pm tml .. hafing lesson wid mrs leong .. i guess i am going to b dead tired . wonder if i still wanna go sch on fri .. hahs !

i going to choose my days to sch next wk. as tml is the last wk b4 the 'o's start .. i wanna stay at home to do intensive revision. so may not go sch some of the days barhs ..

alrighty ! back to my revision. wish my luck for tml !! (( :
all the best gurls for tml pract & also those students who are doing pract tml as well.

though i noe dat u are still feeling moody ,
i still hope dat u are feeling better each day ..
bringing each day wid a brighter smile .. XD
its hard to forget him ..
i understand ..
it takes time ..
stop tearing over him ..
seriously ,
its nt worth it ..
who knows ?
one day ,
u will meet a MUCH better guy than him ..
u are a strong gurl ..
i believe,
u can do it !
i trust u ..
love u loads mama !

Monday, October 16, 2006

`awww ! the haze is back !

hmms ! suddenly haf the temptation to blogg. dunno why also.

whoas ! the haze is back. hope it gets heavier and sch will stop ! i feel so evil. hahas ! its getting heavier and harming so many ppl. causing them to haf gastric flu and me praying for the haze to gett heavier. =X.

morning wasnt my day todae. guess wad ? i finally managed to tie my hair ! finally after quite sometyme ever since i trimmed the last time. hee hee ! i haf to practise tying my hair b4 practical on thurs. haf to tie otherwise i gonna haf water fall especially when i on the bunsen burning. its making me hot ! woot ~! yays ! my hair is growing long. =) ..

okay back to topic ! i was almost late for sch. why ? dis was wad happen.. its 7:20am already. i was rushing like hell. i prayed. wear my shoes and i realise dat i forgot to bring my keys. so i took mom's keys instead. waited for the lift. and finally ! i enter... the lift door kept on opening and close when i step in till i step out with the 2 uncles. den followed by one aunty. its still the same thing happening. i got fed up. and went down to wait for the lift and i realised, once i walk down, the lift is back to function again ! heys ! wads that surppose to mean man ! den i waited.. aiyOos ! the lift seem so busy and i was running late. so i ran down the stairs. morning exercise ? can say so. imagine for 10 over storey ... running down ?? do u noe how tiring it can be ??

i was panting. running towards my dad car. he was scolding me.

dad: now wad time already? u are going to be late..
me : the lift got prob. wad can i do ?
dad : then u can use other lift wad.
me : the lift is stuck . it wont stop another level wad. i went down one lvl bud its so slow so i ran down the stairs instead.

i was panting. hahs ! i was already so pek chek and he is addin more. haiyOos..

dad : u confirm stand outside sch..

i was so afraid man ! bud thank god i wasnt late. i was just in time for morning assembly. heng arhhhs !!!!!! xie tian xie di ..

didnt do much in sch todae. didnt realli hav lesson. were mostly doing work. i wonder wad is happening to baowei sia. her condition seems to get worse .. she been asking those non-sensical stuffs .. i dunno. she is hafing some kind of attitude problem as well. though i am worried for her at tymes bud i just dunno how to help as well. the prob is dat whenever u wanna talk to her, u just feel agitated and thus not talking... u wanna avoid her so badly. dats how bad her condition was.

during recess , it was sandy's fault. she wanted to show some concern to baowei bud instead creating the situation worse. dont worry ! we will side u. cos its not ur fault at all.

PART 1 :
baowei : shi hui, can i join table to sit wid u? why do the class hate me ?
shi hui : sorry ! i am used to sitting wid ker (dat's me ) already. we are used to sitting together.
baowei : why never join sandy they all ?
shi hui : like i said , i already used to sit like the two of us alone . dats why we sit infront of them. get it ?
baowei : orhs !

PART 2 :
sandy : baowei ! u do finish ur accounts already ?
she walks towards sandy ..
baowei : can u tell me why the class hate me ?
sandy : its not the class hate u... its just dat dey just wanna remain in their clique.
baowei : i feel so lonely sitting alone. can i sit wid u ?
aiyue : sandy is already sitting wid suzanna. u cannot possibly break them up right ?
baowei : bud... i feel i really haf no frens. i feel so lonely.
shi hui : since u are already sitting alone den just sit there lor.
sandy : sometimes u just haf to be independent. its better to sit alone than sitting in grps. u just cant concentrate. sitting alone can make u concentrate more and thus u will listen in class unlike me, suzanna keep on asking me accounts qns. sometimes, i cant even concentrate.
baowei : den, why u all dun wan to talk to me ?
sandy : its not dat we dun wan to talk to u. u always ask those wu liao qns. dats why we don wan to.

blah blah blah ...


she threw her temper and walked out of the classrm. all of us felt worried. i wasnt interfering actually as i was busy looking through aiyue's work. bud i was listening. dis is call multi-tasking. heh heh. as all of us were worried abt her, me and shi hui went to the toilet to find her. bud there was no sign of her . went to release ourself and went back to class. still wondering whr is she. she came back when the bell rang. oh well...

during mt went to MM class to haf our bio. we did our bio work. Jeslyn came to us and told us abt baowei. they said they tried talking to her bud she just ignore. dunno wads wrong wid her la. irina said dat becos huiying and irina is in my class dats why. i was like. dots dots.. wad does it haf to do wid that ? question mark .. ?!!

mrs leong is so nice ! she wants to haf one to one teaching on thurs wid me and shi hui at 5pm till 7 plus. i dun mind as long as i improve my bio. if i got gd grades for my 'o's. i really gotta thank mrs leong no matter wad. she made me improve and i will not forget it ! show my graditude to her.

after mt was lit. did unseen prose during the first 2 period. had break. baowei wanted to join us for lunch bud we rejected. she asked jess and jermain bud i do not noe why she doesnt dare to talk to me somehow ?? i feel weird. hahas ! even she ask me i dun even dare to ans her as well. as u noe ? i cant bare to hurt ppl's feeling. i am not hard hearted person though. bud in the end she got the meaning and went to eat by herself. actually i dun realli mind her joining us la. bud since the majority doesnt wan den dun wan lors.

heard the news dat she splash water at mary in the toilet after dat.. basically wads wrong wid her sia ? i am so afraid during 'o's. she can just break down .. look at her condition now.. if we stress her more who knows she may just go crazy like no one business ? just pray hard that nth goes wrong.

ms puspalm went thru wid us sense of belonging. we came to the topic abt movies .. and baowei ask this qns..

baowei : ms puspalm, are u married ?
ms puspalm : wad makes u think i am ?
baowei : cos, some teachers are married bud they prefer calling ms instead of mrs.
ms puspalm : well, i am not.

all of us were like.. urghs !

ok 315pm ! time to go home... helped mama to bring back the chair and she went crazy as well for dunno wad reason just becos i dun put her chair back to the same position ?? haiyoos ! and we went arguing.. wid jermain as well . wahhas ! went back wid jia en after dat ...

so sad ! no one is going schhhh .. except a few girls. tml attendance is gonna b real bad .. !! dis is mainly becos as tml is 'o' lvl sci practical for pure girls.. so teachers haf to invigilate other schs as well. therefore, cant haf lesson wid us. tml will only b hafing 2 periods of eng and dats all. and the rest of the periods are free ! some say its a waste of time to go sch. i do agree for dat .. bud i prefer going sch cos it realli makes me study. waking myself early and study instead of staying at hm waking at 12pm plus. and i wasted alot of time for dat. so i b a gd gurl and attend sch tml. yays ! applause for me pls ?? LOL ..

was reading jess blog and i was kinda affected by it. mayb she is too sad barhs. dats why she said dat.

this was wad she wrote :
yes, in school i may seem to be happy, my usual normal self. joking ard, being crazy with my classmates.but who actually knows my inner feelings? who really know how terrible i feel in my heart? who would actually ask me "jessica, how're you?"who would really come to have a private talk with me in school?who would do all these?none of my close classmates. all seem that they do not really care for me.friends always say "i'll always be there for you?"yes yes, so where're they when i do need them ?nobody seems to ask me how am i at all.. nobody.even if there's somebody, it's like only a while and after that, they don't bother you?hais.so next time whenever they say "don't wry, i'll always be here with you"i will just say in my heart "ya ya ya. as if" because i've enough of these.all are just lies. nobody is really here with me 24/7.call me a loner or anything. i can't be bothered anymore.friends are afterall just friends.no true friends.true friends are indeed very difficult to find.and i am crying now while typing this very entry.

i decided to reply her here :
u think nobody cares for u in sch ? marmie ! i do.. bud i just dun show. seeing u everyday, i know dat u are hiding the fact. u are trying to b happy on the outside bud not on the inside. ur heart is breaking.. i noe. like i say, i may not show it on the outside. bud in my heart, i was wondering how are u .. if u think they are lies. well, let me tell u truefully, they are not. this comes from the bottom from my heart. reading ur blog.. seeing u like dis. sometymes it realli makes me worry. u are not a loner. u still haf me. even if u do not haf any frens, i will b here. i promise ! i hate u seeing u in tears cos it makes my heart burst. trying calling me if u wan. i will b here. stop keeping ur probs to urself. share it wid me. let it all out if it makes u feel better. i just wanna see the jessica i once noe again. its ur choice if u wanna share. i dun force u. just to let u noe i will always b here no matter wad happens and i love u mama !