Saturday, April 28, 2007
soooo HAPPY !
the moment my stitches were removed , i had this feeling ...
weird but yet SHUANG arhhhs !
the reasons of feeling weird were becos ..
i felt a hole in my gums ...
its somehow painful after the removal of strings...
no more string attached , its feeling loose .
also , i felt so SHUANG were becos ..
i no longer felt it tight ...
i can relax ...
most imptly , im able to MUNCH very soon !!
slowly slowly , its healing ...
oh yays !
alrights , took 57 bus back home to change my clothing and off to catch a cab for my vocal lesson as im running late .
during the lesson, we did warm up exercises first then individual singing .
oh god !
i forgotten abt the preparation of song but thank god that my instructor was able to understand my situation .. so, i'll sing next week instead as its still hurtful when i tried to sing .
" very soon , this will end ...
once and for all ."
Friday, April 27, 2007
as usual , i woke up at 3am to have my medication becos i was in pain then woke up at 8am to get myself rdy for sch .mom doesnt want me to attend sch at first as i was having slight fever but i insisted on going .she was worried abt me but i told her that im fine .
dad fetched me . i was having abit of car sickness during the journey . mich and evi came to find me at locker room. at that moment of time , i was feeling dizzy . i scared them . they helped me carried my bags and books to class . so helpful hors ?
when i entered the class, my classmates asked me if im alright and i said i'll be fine after a while . they really took care of me for the whole day. and i managed to catch up loads of gossips here and there . frens been updating me abt the stuffs . hahas !
stupid colin , isa they all kept on making me laugh when i cant . you know how painful i actually felt . oh god ! but its entertaining afterall . they were so funny bunch of people ! hahs !
wait till i recovered ....
i'll shoot back!
lesson ended at 4pm . so classmates were planning for outing . i didnt join them as i wasnt feeling good . well, there's always next time yea ?
i'll join you guys when i have recovered !
tml wil be removing my stitches at 930am . though i felt afraid ... but thinking that my torture is gonna end soon....
im feeling excited !!
i wanna munch my foooood !!!
there are so many food im craving for now.
" munching of food ..
is all im dying for . "
Thursday, April 26, 2007
to me at nite ..
it was the worse medication among all . it harmed me so badly that my wound bleed a little again . i was seriously in huge pain . thought i was getting better initially becos it doesnt hurt that much anymore but becos one moved that i made ...
it really turns out to become a nitemare to me eventually . i felt giddy out of the sudden. quickly , i asked my mom to pass me the medication and i went to sleep . at 3am plus i woke up . the pain came back again . thought im able to control it . so, i went back to slp again . never did i thought at 6am i woke up again . the pain is no longer bearable . i broke down in tears . it really hurts me to the core of it . then i realise , its time to take medication . so i drank a cup of horlick .. took my medication and went back to slp .
i really felt so xin ku ...
but who wld exactly understand the pain im going thru ? only my mom knows becos she has been with me throughout day and nite .
you ppl may think ..
ohs ~ its only one wisdom tooth that's taken out wad . whr got so jia lat one ? some had 4 wisdom teeth taken out and they had nothing wrong . they are still able to take it . all i can say its basically base on individual . don't compare ! becos i hate comparing !! its takes up one individual to see how long it takes to be fully cured or rather to be able to eat normally again .
fastest : 3 days .
slowest : 2 weeks .
for those who doesnt had their wisdom tooth . when you get one and did surgically , you'll finally understand how i actually felt !
im not trying to say anything but just vent out my inner feelings . im just very exhausted of what im going through already . understanding is all i need okays ?
alrights . as usual been waking up almost every 3 hrs . i didnt go to school becos mom says im still not in the state to go . so i had to stay at home instead . will go tml . that wld be a definate . i felt much better in the afternoon . though i wanna go to sch badly but i just do not have the energy to do so . just let me replenish my energy so that i wld not be as lethargic as todae . meanwhile , i wld just read thru my books so that when i return back to sch tml , i'm still able to catch up.
" heal me fast .
i can no longer take it further . "
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
woke up at 1am then followed by 4 am plus becos i was hungry and in pain. the feeling was horrible . i almost puke in the middle of the nite . felt so dizzy out of the sudden. the pain is no longer bearable even though i took painkillers . so mom gave me 2 extra panadols instead to relief the pain and it helps !
thank god .
drinking liquid food just makes me go hungry very easily . its just either milo or horlick with oaks . thats all ! i had no other choice .
poor thing right ?
honestly speaking , i really admire those who got 4 wisdom teeth and they did surgically on 4 of them . i wondered how they survive man ! unlike me . 1 got out and i felt so torturing already .
i just cant live without chewing larhs !
okays . i ve been visiting the toilet for 6 times already since afternoon. terrible diahorrea . wonder what have i ate . my ass hurts so much now . open flower already lo.
stomach upsets . dar says im having gastric flu . took medication to stop it . felt so much better now . anyways , i felt so happy for him todae becos he passed his maths and eng test for his enrolment. so.. this means he is able to apply for the course that he wants in BMC .
LOVES HIM !
my gums are better todae . im able to take wheat potato. mom bought it for me at KFC. so NICE ! at least i had different food instead of just milo and horlicks with oaks . though its still somekind of baby food but so long its not liquid food , im happy !
however , after eating , the pain comes back again.
oh wells , its slowly improving as each day goes by becos im able to study and talk a little . plus my swell on cheek doesnt look that swollen anymore . showing good signs yea ?
im going back sch tml.
cant afford to miss lessons already .moreover , tml are all the core subjects ! i have to attend . i know this is the very first time you hear geradine saying this . hahas ! but im really serious in studies already . no more fooling around . its tyme to get down to business ! though its a long day tml but i'll try my best .
815am to 6pm.
i'll survive !!
oh gosh ! it's raining soo heavily now .
i hear thunders roaring .
i see lightings flashing .
" baby ,
you shld know how much i love you ..
as each day goes by."
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
now, fever has been coming on and off . i really felt torturing .
firstly , my gauze has used finish even though my wound is still bleeding .
secondly , i cld only open up my mouth a little becos it hurts .
thirdly , i cld eat nothing but just drinking . temperature can't been too warm nor cold .
fourthly , my cheek is still swollen .
you know , its lyke worse than having mumbs ?
i felt so exhausted . i have been lying down on the bed practically the whole day becos i felt so weak within me. though i managed to sleep a little but at least its better than nth yeahs ?
mom asked me to rest another day at home becos with my condition lyke this ? i definately unable to attend school for lessons tml . so , i 'll be back to sch on thurs instead .
2days ago, i designed my own neeOn 2 [my first time ] :
my wisdom toothie :
kenny just sent me the bday bash they did for nic . awwwws ~ suddenly i felt so lonely at home . hahas !
my lovely classmates :
the bday boy :
alrights gonna turn in for now . im feeling very dizzy .
todae was the worse day of all!
" was wishing you cld be here by my side .
comforting me to ease this pain of mine ."
Monday, April 23, 2007
went to school for maths todae . frens asked me to stay at home to rest but i insist on going . hehs ! just dun wanna skip lesson .
i LOVE my classmates larhs . so caring bunch of people . somemore, they sent me off to bus stop during lunch break . so touch !
lesson ended 1130am . took bus 188 home first . gums were very hurtful todae . its the whole stretch this tyme . mom cooked for me soup and went off to take mrt . appt was at 230pm at bishan . didnt noe grandma waited for us at the clinic as she knew the doc there . so may charge cheaper . hees !
when i entered in , i was reallly scared. guess wad silly stuffs did i do when the doc say i have to do surgically immediately while he was preparing his equipments ? i was actually praying to god tell him to bless me ? hahas ! i was really scared ! i know it sounds stupid larhs . but i just wanna do it . give me some ease .
first he gave me 3 jabs . then covered me with surgical clothes and blind folded me . first jab was pretty pain cos it was the first one . other than that , it became numb so it wasnt that bad . dr tang said i was cool . i was like .. " heh heh " .. becos most of the people wld scream after jab or tremble before the operation starts .
overall .. the operation went smoothly . it doesnt hurt at all ! just that i can feel the pressure when he was doing it . had drilling . the plucking out of teeth and the stitches . oh god ! when i saw i strings .. and he started sewing . i felt so yucky. Sat wld be my next appt to remove the string ..
eeeeee ~ felt so er xin .
the whole procedure's bill was so expensive . $500 . heartpain . luckily , mom managed to pay for medi-save . so it wasnt that bad afterall .
on our way back home , mom wanted to buy some breads at prima deli . so i waited outside . after buying , i felt very giddy outta sudden . vommiting feeling started to occur. i do not know where's my route . i stayed still . i felt terrible ! luckily the shop keeper saw me and gave me a chair to sit down . he gave me oil and mom applied on my head . i felt better after that . but still feeling very terrible . i wanted to talk to tell them how i feel . however, i just cldn't. i felt so numb . once i talk , i just wanna puke .
oh god ~ i almost fainted on the street .
then another lady came giving me warm water . they were so caring . i rejected them by giving them sign language . after that, this boss came to my mom and told her then he has fetched a cab for us . so nice of them !
i got up slowly . mom was surpporting me tightly and got into the cab . created attention when i reached home , i got myself changed and went to bed to have a rest . not long after . it wasnt 3 hrs yet . cos the numbness wld stay on till that period . unfortunately , it was less than 3 hrs . abt 2hrs , the pain starts to occur badly . i cld not get myself to slp . i was in real pain . so , i quickly got up and took painkillers . whatever things i cld do to stop my pain .
i had difficulty in swallowing . cos the numbness was still there . the feeling was just horrible ! the disgusting thing was , when i swallowed my medication , the water started to come out from my nose . i know thats gross .
it sound so sick ehhs ?
and i went back to bed after that to rest .
3 hrs was gone . the numb was over . at least i am able to talk . to communicate a little better than none . without communicating a day , i can DIE ! hahs . though i am feeling much better now but my teeth is still hurtful . moreover , its bleeding as well . i doubt i cld get a nice sleep tonite .
wad i had for dinner was just liquid drink . red bean soup . just the soup itself . no solid food at all till abt 3 days later or so .
i wan to cry already larhhs . havent even last for a day and i got craving for food already ! so nan-shou ! a food-lover like me , just cant live without munching .
hees hees hees ~
i got 5 days mc from doc . however , i am just gonna gib myself 3 days MC . which means , wed i wld be back to sch if im able to . hopefully so as i do not wanna miss so much lessons . there are so many things to catch up . plus , my dearest classmates misses me !! hahs . so sweet of them to have called me , sms-ed me or msn-ed me to ask me how am i .
sadly to say that , im unable to join the fun tml as they wld be giving someone's bday surprise ! well , health is more impt ehhs ? this pain wld last me for days . i have no choice but to control it . nvm . just let me suffer this once and for all and i wld be able to enjoy my days once again ! hees .
" Let me be strong ..
to hold on this pain bravely . "
Saturday, April 21, 2007
i cant delay any further . i do not feel the torture anymore . mom booked an appt for me on mon. which means that i gotta take half day off from sch .
gonna miss lessons .
okays . as promise to my dear , he asked me to upload photos of our baby cactus . cos he misses it .
baby is growing taller and fatter now.
time really flies and one wk of sch had ended! well , i really enjoyed being with my classmates .they were really one great bunch of people to be with ! imagine ? just one week and we got so close with one another . its really great ! lots of gossips around here and there as well.
i really enjoyed being in school. though hrs are long, projects coming up are giving us lotsa stress. plus , econs is really a killer for me !! however ,thinking of the moments we spent together with my classmates, they just brightened up my day and they willingly explained to me patiently if they do understand . nice ppl aren't they ?
went to sa kor hse in the evening .poor me ..didnt really had the appetite to eat . mom harmed me by asking me to put bongela gel cos she said i wld be able to feel better after that . never did i thought it got worse and i felt so painful !
reached home at around 1145pm and i was running slight fever . just took my painkiller . gonna rest for now .
" im missing you as each day goes by ..
when will i see you again ? "
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
" HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY TO JESSICA !! "
celebrated her bday at marina pizza hut ytd nite. however , before that , me and jia en met up first to get her present . though she was the bday gal but she dun have to be so late marhhs . somemore still can online until forget .
she mo yi shi marhhhs !
anw , when she came , this woman started taking photos while me and jia en were starving like hell .
the food that we ate :
me and jia en's pizza :
jessica 's spegetti :
after enjoying our food ,we foot the bill and went to the restrooms to release ourselves . hehs hehs ! jessica got sabotage a little . all thanks to me as i reminded jia en abt it .
18th bday cant just let off easily !
this gal was happily screaming away and running like some kind mad woman like that . hahas. the scene was so funny .then we went mini toons to look at some stuffs and jia en hid in between the pooh bear by leaving the present behind and asked her to look for it .
im really glad that she likes it . after which, we went to have a seat downstairs while jess was opening up her pressie. me and jia en were playing along with her.acting as if we were very scared that she may not like it.we were actually immetatin her .we even video-ed it down.
and we took pictures after that .
the present for her :
the 3 of us :
kiss the bday gal:
marmie and me :
and we went home at 10 plus .
i was beat tired when i got home and jessica wants me to put her solo pic inside my blog .
as promised ,
i did it !
i was really exhausted todae . feeling very sleepy in class .in fact,everyone do actually .i guess mainly becos we were attending very dry subjects for the day .
will be stopping here for now cos my keyboard's spacebar is giving me a headache !
LONG DAY TML !
830am to 6pm.
to marmie jess :
before my keyboard go berserk again.shall type you a short one .
i hope that you enjoyed our mini celebration with you. though its only for dinner .hehes ! anw ,not to worry,even if we were to be very busy with our sch work,i'll definately pickout some tyme for my marmie yeahs ?
take care of yourself !
and before i end this ,i just wanna congrats you that you are eligible to apply for driving lessons already. better learn it wellbefore your sch starts unlike me yeah?actually i regretted for delaying .honestly speaking.
yeps ! so anything just contactme alright ?
as promise before ,iwld always be there for you 24/7 nomatter how busy im.
LOVE YOU !
have a sweet 18th yr.
" keep me awake ..
so i cld be lively once again."
Monday, April 16, 2007
i shld not have even dyed my hair black ! all my classmates didnt do it except me .
i felt so dumb ! LOLs .
it also shows that imma good gal !
i followed the school rules . plus , i tied my hair as well.
mayb i shld not obey the school rules tml ..
shld i ? or shld i not ?
its a start of my school todae . was feeling pretty shy when i first entered . cos i mostly see guys more than girls . eventually, i chose a seat at the corner . very very far apart from the guys.
all my classmates were friendly . on this very first day, we exchanged numbers !
we cld keep in contact le.
basically i had 3 subjects . no lessons as trainers wanna noe more abt us . been having self introduction every beginning of the lesson which we found it quite sian but nvm larhs . for the sake of our trainers . lets just do it !
had lunch at westmall with my 8 girlfriends . thats quite alot ehhs ? went in a grp . then bought our books together on our way back . can you believe it ? during tourism lesson , on our very first day, we were assigned to have project in a grp and our trainer enjoyed giving us stress. cos she says ..
"its good to have it ! cos it makes you work faster ."
during the last period of the day , our form teacher was actually suggesting class outing every class family time . well, i dun mind . it cld be very fun ! but the fact was that , we dunno our classmates well enough yet ! how cld we even plan an outing so fast ? i mean... its like our interests of going to this or this destination mayb different .
oh wells , we had our class committee to organise the event . so i guess it shldn't a problem. then our trainer start suggesting abt make-up course for females !
and he says ..
" if i organiseed this , i strongly wld accept all females to attend this course . of cos the males dun need larhs . but if you are interested , you wld be most welcome to join ! i wld like to if i cld . "
everyone was laughing outta it .
class ended early at around 4 plus as our trainer finished up early . from tml onwards , it wld be lesson proper as we mostly got our books . went straight home after sch as books were damn heavy .
guess wad ?
i forgot to bring my keys and i was having high tide . luckily jiaen saved my day cos she's at home . so went to her hse to release myself while waiting for dad to be home . wanted to go out with her initially after dinner to get some stuffs . however ,in the end , we did not as i wasnt feeling very well . so, would be going tml instead after sch .
school was kinda fun.
looking forward towards the next day !
starting sch at 830am. meeting my peeps at lobby so we cld go up to class together .
im afraid , i mayb LOST .
" this is just the very beginning ...
and not the very end .."
Sunday, April 15, 2007
him: "wake up! wake up! lets go vivo and eat ."
me : "huh? orhhs .but i wan to alter my skirt lehs. "
him: "ohhs ! den we go queensway and eat then."
me : "orh..ok lors . "
i was surpposed to meet 2 of my frens as it has been quite some time i have met them. unfortunately, i had to reject them eventually and it made feel pretty bad abt it larhhs .
anyways , kor kor , me and dad took bus 100 to queensway to get my alteration done and went to ikea for a walk as my skirts would only be rdy in an hr time. while walking around Ikea , i just cant wait to re-renovate my room !! i simply had so many ideas in my mind and i really do hope i cld design my own room next time . that wld be next yr ? when my brother wants to get married ? hees . i'll be looking forward for that day to arrive .
dad bought some stuffs from Ikea . as usual ! he wouldn't have left the shop empty handed . hahas . then we walked back to queensway to collect my skirts and got back home .
i got my hair dyed black again .
though was feeling very unbearable but it's worth it afterall .
i cld feel the fatherly-LOVE !
cos dad dyed it for me .
i was feeling very awkard when i first saw my hair.. it was in total black in colour as i wasnt used to it . awwsss ~ i'll miss my coloured hair so badly.
oh wells !
3 yrs later .
i'll be back !
finally, my preparations for my sch tml have all been done ! was indeed feeling excited but yet sians and nervous becos it wld be a total new environment for me . and its been so long i have last touched my books .
starting school at 1015am ..
ending class at 6pm.
its gonna be a long day for me !
oh gosh !!! i was checking my handbook and i came to realise i forgot to buy stockings !!! hmms ~ first day in school tml . i guess they wouldnt be that strict larh hors ?
prays hard !
I MMA GOOD GAL !
okays . abt my personal probs for now have somehow been settled ! i have straightened out my thoughts and i believe everyone deserves a second chance . its not the end of the route . there's always a way out .
so, therefore , in conclusion, i decided to give him a second chance and continue to carry on with the relationship . treasuring each other is the most important thing for now and as well as trust . if another mistake occurs once again . the relationship would then be OVER !
thanks people for give me advises and surpporting me in whatever decisions i made becos all of you really helped me alot ! not to worry . now dat i have set my own decisions , i would noe wad im doing and im basically very serious abt this .
i ve promised to take care of myself and from now on ,
its a brand new me ...
the geradine you used to see yeah ?
I LOVE YOU ALL .
" tomorrow would be a brand new chapter of life .
a brand new me .....
a brand new Geradine whom you just knew . "
Saturday, April 14, 2007
THEY REALLY DID IT !
thanks babes !
jia en , me and gen were sharing the queen size bed while nana was sleeping on the floor .
at 2am plus , we were abt to turn in . they wanted me to slp in the middle instead of sleeping at the side . so i agreed .
i was seriously being "raped" by the two of them larhhs . for an hr , they kept on tickling me ! how torturing can that be ????
zhen de shi qi shi wo !
however , so sweet of them to hug me to slp .
i LOVE THEM !
they really did make me feel better .
finally, i am able to get myself to slp for a few hrs . at least a few hrs do me good . better than none . i was fortunate to say that my vocal teacher wasnt well todae . so , lesson was cancel . i need not need to go !
jia en and nana left in the morning ..while i left in the afternoon to meet marmie . finally we collected our rings. went to harbour front after that to buy my black cork shoes for sch on monday and i bought my pair of shoes . its so COMFORTABLE ! i just love DMK shoes .
then had dinner wid jess's parents at noodle hut and we went seperate ways before the movie starts .
we watched Sunshine together. caught 6:50pm show . i was seriously sleeping during the start of the show. feeling extremely exhausted . i do admit that i was having slight fever when i woke up in the afternoon at gen's hse . only had 2-3 hrs of slp . anyway , overall , the ending was simply exciting. not a bad show afterall .
walked around for a while after the show. it lasted for around 2 hrs . then her parents fetched me home .
gotta go queensway tml to alter my skirt . its simply too looong for me .
gonna be busy day !
have to settle all my school stuffs by tomorrow.
its the dateline !
to marmie jess :
though we have not officially open ceremony for our rings bud dun worry . we'll definately find one day to have our celebration at our desired destinations yea ? however , from this day onwards , we wore this ring . so this means , we'll never be apart !
our rings wld forever be special . becos, there's a secret code engraved on the ring which no one knows wad does it means . its only between the both of us yeah ?
do you still remember wad i told you the last time ? the things that you shld promise me . hopefully , you wld agree to it yeah ?
i'll LOVE you always !
do always remember , dotter is always here whenever you needed me .
TAKE CARE .
" Life still goes on no matter how troubled im in ...
i'll still remain as strong as before . "
stucking myself in the middle .
whom shld i exactly trust ?
after finding out the truth from my bestfriend.
i already felt so hurt for myself .
to think my bestfriend ..
can you imagine ?
my bestfriend actually hide things from me for 6 months ?
i dun blame her .
becos she wants me to be happy.
i shld thank you so much for being frank with me .
for 24 hrs again ,
i cld not slp ....
i would like to gib special thanks to my frens for accompanying me throughout the nite .
was conferencing with them on the phone .
i just cld not have the strength to do anything .
it leads me curiousity .
in the afternoon,
when i was clarifying the truth ,
my boyfriend actually says he forgot all abt it .
not exactly all but partly .
but i felt relief that he still LOVES me as much as i do .
honestly speaking ,
though i have somehow clarified .. i still cld not have a piece of mind .
thats another case .
in love , isn't there a saying of honesty ?
the reason why i was angry abt wasnt becos of the anniversary .
but becos you hid things from me and i found out !
you know i hate people hiding things from me .
worse thing stil , i actually found out from someone i know !
wad i wan was TRUST !
if you really love me ,
stop hiding things from me anymore .
stop doing things behind my back which i do not even like .
can you please ,
promise me not to do it ever again ?
mayb we shld just breakfree ourselves for the moment .
give each other some tyme to cool down before we start all over again .
had shatec orientation todae . it turned out alright afterall . bought my uniforms. 2 sets of it . of cos, i made frens ! they were gonna be my classmates afterall . so why not make it now ? nice people i shld say .
and guess wad ?
i got loads and loads of international students in my class !
thats pretty cool ehhs ?
i had students from :
etc etc ..
unfortunately, i have to dye my hair black once again as dyed hair in shatec is not allowed in the school premises . tidiness is very IMPORTANT in shatec . i had no choice .
highlighted hair has been with me for 4 months only.
to think i even haf paid for $90 wid treatment as well ..
using my own money !
i have to dye my hair black till 3 yrs later !
but who cares ?
wad most impt was my future and not the hair colour that counts ehhs ?
i m still able to do my hair till 3 yrs later .
plus , money cld be earned back anytime .
everything ended at 12pm plus . it ended early . in fact VERY ! 2 hrs earlier . i had my evaluation at BBDC at 2:50pm . can you imagine how long was that ? i have not waited that long in my life before larhhs . this was ever the first time . though i was tired , i just cld not get myself to slp . then suddenly , this black guy came to me and say hi ..
i was like ...
me : " hi . do i know you ? "
him : " don't you remember me ? "
me : " er . no ? "
him : " you are from shatec right ? who attended the orientation just now ? "
me : " oh yeah ! hello ! "
thinking back ,
this guy really got a good memory and he even remembered my name ! oh gosh . he sat beside me and we started chatting .
soon it was 2:50pm . bid goodbye to him and i went for my evaluation .
honestly speaking , i shld not even have attended the evaluation . i wasnt in the state to . wads the point of attending when im not even concentrating and ended up failing from time to time again ? at that moment of time i was thinking how am i gonna clarify with him ?
break up ?
i have to definately study hard for my BTE and get it down with . book the same test date wid sa kor and pass TOGETHER !
you know , it really pains me so much . yeah ! i am seriously emotional weak . im the type of personal who cld not handle my personal emotions well between work and personal life . it wld somehow be mixed together .
however , like i mentioned before , after clarifying , though i am still left in confusion , i have stand up strong . i just wan it to stop affecting me . went back home to pack my stuffs and off to gen's hse to enjoy myself . though i may still be in a foul mood . i wld just have my pretended smile showed in front of them so as to keep them from worrying .
i rather stay outside than staying at home . it wld only make my life miserable and make me worse !
thank you buddies for really willing to spend tyme wid me when im sad .
im seriously fortunate to have you guys around by my side .
whether i wanna be back to normal or cheer myself up again it wld definately have to depend on myself .
but dun worry .
you'll soon find it back once again .
i need tyme to straighten up my thinking .
everyone deserves a second chance .
don't they ?
whether i'll be back to him .
the decision still lies within me .
i ve my vocal lesson tml .
i still have to sing in front of the whole class . however , im afraid i may just feel too emotional and just break down .
shld i attend or not ?
all i know is that ,
im too tired to think of anything .
i just need plenty of rest for now .
" no matter how much we ve gone through ,
i'll still LOVE you as ever . "
Thursday, April 12, 2007
however , no matter how hard they tried cheering me up , i cld hardly bring up my smile. i felt totally exhausted . ever since they appear , i thought that i have finally controlled my tears . i felt relief in myself. but.. becos ping was choosing songs from my comp , she played some sendimental songs and jia en came to me . i cld not control again and broke down in tears one more tyme .
i noe i really hurt them seeing me turning to become like this . but, i simply cant control myself.
sisters im really sorry . im realli sorry .
they began to consol me and explained everything to make me feel better . then, i decide to be strong a little . i just cant be depress all the way .. it wld affect them . am i right to say that ?
they pulled me along to bugis . got myself changed and wore my shades . they wanna buy their poly stuffs while i wanna go out to take a breather to make myself feel better.. rather than staying at home alone thinking elsewhr again . i dun wanna torture myself further .
during the outing, i felt really restless . seeing the both of them feeling so happy , while me walking slowly at back . i do indeed felt extra . mayb i shld not have tagged them along and spoilt the fun .
what the hell am i thinking ?
cant find anything from bugis . only jia en bought one of her shorts from ebase . had dinner at open market. i do not have the appetite to eat . at that moment of them , i was hoping he wld appear in front of me to spring me a surprise . however, there wasnt any bud just part of my wishful thinking cos thats never gonna happen . he's working ! how cld he haf appear ?
on our way back , i teared in the bus again . while walking back home , i looked around my block to see if he was around . again , its my own wishful part of thinking .
i do not haf the energy to do anything . i felt exhausted .. i really felt exhausted . even talking , i do not even haf the strength to talk to anyone bud just reamaining silent .
do you know how torturing i actually felt ?
this morning when i woke up , i cld still feel the pain . i can no longer cried out though its still bleeding inside . my tears have all dried up .
though i ve chatted with him ,
though i ve forgiven him ...
i still felt weak within me ..
lasr nite i still cant get myself to slp ! even though i was trying my best to .
how am i gonna heal this hurtful pain of mine ?
then , i just read jia en's blog . [ http://iloverainbowforever.blogspot.com]
the pain started to occur again ...........
i really felt furtful ..
i really felt terrible ....
tell me wad exactly shld i do ?
my eyes are hurting very badly ....
i cld barely open my eyes ...
i dun wan to torture myself anymore ....
STOP ME FROM TEARING FURTHER .......
its hurting ..
its really hurting ...
" give me the strength ...
to pick myself up once again . "
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
me, dar , en, ping and gen went to zoological gardens together . it was indeed an enjoyable day .
pictures tells it all becos i didnt have the mood to blog them .
i'm SORRY .
ah dar choosing his small umbrella :
the animals in zoo :
two of them HUGGING . so sweet ! :
the utans sure noe how to pose :
the monkeys "sayang-ing " :
animal dustbins :
after taking so many , forgotten to take one wid dar . however , he doesnt wan to .. so, forget it . i dont force ppl if he or she is unwilling to .
he went home while the rest of us went to cine to have dinner at kobayashi wid des. i was indeed feeling very lethargic . i scare my frens . they thought i was suffering from some depression . however , thanks to them . they cheered me up .
took bus home wid ping and reached home at around 10pm plus .
as for todae .. i ve not been sleeping for 24 hours .
tears have been flowing down repeatingly .
my eyes are terribly red and swollen .
im seriously exhausted .
its our FIRST YEAR !
do you noe how impt the day is to me ?
for one month of hard work ...
its my ever first time i composed a song for someone . i just wanna play for someone special in my life .
letters , wishes , lyrics, poems ... etc... etc ...
were all GONE !
i smashed everything up .
how hurt can i feel ?
promises are just empty . i felt lost . i really felt lost . there's nth i can do bud just cry my whole heart out !
you have to work . what can i do ?
i have given up in pinning high hopes .
i have given up on all the efforts i have done .
i even teared the stuffs away .
can you imagine how hurtful i was ?
when i chatted with you last nite , you even fell aslp !
do you even spare a thought for me ?
you may say you will make it up for me .
however , the actual day is over !
would i even feel that its SPECIAL ?
i dunno .
i won't even noe when will i be free .
i just wanna spend my most memorable day with you before i start school .
during the 6 months anni ,
you could not make it
i already felt hurt enough.
for one yr ,
it hurts me MOST .
i once told myself before ,
if he's unable to fulfil the promises hemade tome during the first yr anniversary ,
i dunno wad i wld do .
how hurtful wld i felt .
i finally realise the pain .
OH GOD !
i am feeling so torturing .
the pain inside my heart wld takes a long tyme to be healed .
what can i actually do to make myself feel better ?
in order to ease my hurt a little ,
came to realise that my sisters did not go for camp . which surprised me .
so, i asked them to come over and accompany me .
hopefully they wld be able cheer me up somehow to make me feel better.
HAPPY FIRST YEAR ANNIVERSARY .
" i spent this very special day ...
ALONE ! "