Sunday, December 30, 2007

`` what do you expect me to do ?

didnt went for vocal class todae . i was feeling really unwell . really giddy . my head hurts . i cant even walk straight . i was feeling real terrible . i cried myself to slp last nite again . i felt really lost , confused , hurt and pain .

i took another 1 hr nap for myself . i regretted doing so . nightmare occured to me . i dreamt of those " things " again . i felt so " dirty " and afraid . dragged myself to work as i dont wanna stay at home . also , i wasnt feeling that giddy anymore . so why not just keep myself busy and earn some income at the same too right ? and you know what ? it wasnt my day afterall .

i was caught in a traffic jam . ended up raining heavily . lift lobby lights just suddenly went off and one of the lift was spoilt . there's only one lift left and i had to wait very long for it . plus , there were alot of people as well . i ended up late and i lost my bonus already . T_T . i almost broke down . i felt so terrible when i had reached my workplace but i held on my tears .

honestly speaking for now , only work can replace all my thoughts . it cld only keep my mind off from all my troubles and pains . but once my work time is over, its back to normal again . i cried while i was on my way home . i felt so down once more .

when i reach home all i know was just to be with him . to keep him company online because he was feeling very down and i told myself , no matter how haggard im , im just gonna stay strong and be with him . unfortunately , it turned out to be worse . i was utterly hurt . but thanks to darling and nek nek for being my listening ear . alright , just let me correct my sentence from my previous entry . not none but only one or two understands me afterall . (:

my head hurts terribly for now .
working morning shift tml .

I have done my best in everything in order to be with you .
I have never wanted to leave you at all .
However , sometimes , there's always a time we would be away .
And this is the time where you have to learn to be independent .
To learn to stand up and fight against your own problems .
I know its hard to avoid negative thoughts .
But you just got to be strong in everything you do .
Don't think about now but think abt the future .
How are you going to handle it the next time if you can't even handle this ?
Do have confidence in yourself .
You truely know how much our love is for each other .
I can promise you this that no matter how far apart we are ,
You'll never lose me .

Please do not say such hurting words anymore .
It really hurts deep inside my heart .
Let's just go through this together ,
And I hope this will never happen again .
This will be the first and last time .

Saturday, December 29, 2007

`` Painnns deep inside .

i cried myself to slp last nite .
pain , hurt were all i felt .
No one knows how much am i going through .
All this while , i have been suffering silently to myself .
Because only me , understand it all .
How much more do i have to go ?
When will this truely end ?
I question this my own .
However , the answers have yet to reveal .
Come to think of it again ,
All these answers will never be known .
Because life is never perfect .
If it is for you , I would say you are the luckiest person on earth .
On my way back , phobia just struck me once again .
I was walking home alone past midnight .
Then again , i was seeing things .
I wasnt sure if it was for real .
I just felt so lonely on my way back home .
Mind started to wander around .
I was afraid .
i told myself to be strong whenever im feeling this way .
right now , im struggling .
im afraid i unable to carry on anymore .
im falling down ..
Are you there to pick me up when i fall ?
Or do i just topple over ?
Baby , I need you badly .

Friday, December 28, 2007

`` My fault ?

These are the gifts that dear bought for me from m'sia .
Cute Hello Kitty Keyboard :

Customize Shirt :

x'mas is OVER ! hope you guys really enjoyed your x'mas yea ?
somehow , other than receiving gifts , i really dont feel the mood of celebrating x'mas at all . i just felt something is just missing . however , i do not know what was it . maybe for this yr , many things just cracks up . hahas ! I don't know . just feeling so cranky about it .

i wanna be with my frens .
but i seemed to neglect them .
i wanna spend time with my love one .
however , i could hardly do so.
i wanna spend time with my family .
unfortunately , i cld barely find time for myself too .
so , the only thing i could do to make myself feel better is to pen down all my feelings here .
i just felt that everything seemed to be my wrong for now.
i can do nothing but to blame myself .
they have said to me about their feelings .
then what about mine ?
they said they understood me .
yes, they mayb there for me when i need them.
but when it comes to understanding of my true feelings ,
they never do .
i ended up suffering alone .
keeping all my pains to myself again .

Sunday, December 23, 2007

`` PIES met up . (:

had my vocal lesson ytd . we had gifts exchange . it was pretty fun though . hahs ! i picked up number 3 and that was Doreen's gift . (:
thanks !
we wrote a x'mas card for teacher too .

card preparation for LAOSHI :

Gifts Exchange :

Present from Doreen :

rest of the pics are with doreen . will be waiting for her to be online .
took the same train down with doreen and i went to meet up with my two sweeties ; ping and jia en at bugis .

I bought my black shoe already . (:
for the rest , i shall let the photos cont what we have done yea ? hahas ! took a total of abt 211 pictures in total ? horrible us isnt it ? but i simply LOVE THEM ALL !
oh yeahs . i passed to them xmas gifts too . hope they LIKE it .
MUACKS to you gals . XD

waiting for train to town :

Hayatt Hotel :

EMO-ing :

Drawing circle :

Vivo's Xmas tree :

Walking back in to have dinner :

at Starbucks for dinner :

snatching for the final bite :

Clean plate :

sheltering my MR Snowman :

It's R-A-I-N-I-N-G .... :

We are in between the HOLES :) :

SHE kissed me :

Staircase :

walking towards our MR Snowman :


Sweet moments :

Our Shoes :

Black Phones :

Its time to pass them their x'mas pressies :

darling was angry cos i bought present for HAMMY ( her hamster ) too :

their gifts :

the 3 of us :

went back at 10 plus . on our way back , i witnessed an entire scary accident .
a car knocked down a motorcyclist .
it had been running through my mind for the night . it turned out to be a trauma to me . ):
i'll never forget , my first experience .


after a long entry of ytd , shall cont for todae . woke up at 11 plus . met up with darling to buy her stuffs at giant and went back home around 3 plus . was preparing myself for dinner at vienna buffet restaurant in united square .


celebrated for them . time really flies and todae was their 1st year . the food spread were nice . the food was good . never regretted going there . (:
walked around velocity and united square after bloating ourselves up . hahs ! cousins came over to play MJ . here comes the NOISE again . @#$%$#@ ....

anw, dear is finally back from M'sia . im so delighted . gonna meet him tml .

Welcome Back Dear !
much LOVES .

" I just wanna be with you ,
For the rest of my life . "