I thought I was ready. I thought things were improving. I thought I was stronger.
But everything of what I've thought, turned out to be an ultimate wrong mind-set!
Lying on the bed at night & fears start coming by.
I couldn't control what my mind was thinking, it just happen all over again.
To test on my bravery was a sign of stupidity. I was just being a smart alec. I failed - badly!
At the very end, I can only blame myself for causing this.
"You expected what the scenes are like. You truly know your phobia you had over the years. Yet despite all the warning signs, you didn't care at all. You went ahead thinking that you will be fine. And now that you've watched. So what if the show was nice? Just look at what you've done to yourself! You deserve this."
I hated it so much, the mental torture was unbearable. Who likes those bad feelings anyway. But hey! Though I may have been blaming myself umpteen times of what I've created, I'm not regretting it. At the very least I know, where have I been standing all along. So, no matter how many times I fall, I will still continue to try. And as I'm trying, please grant me the strength to carry on.