` mixed-feelings .

some photos of sweetie & i sometime ago.
we went on a date .
hahas .








as for todae ,
while waitin for my sweetie's call , i was being zi-lian . cos i just LOVE my hair ! as i just style it for once and its PERFECT !
not many times .
((:


















emo emo .. :


once i heard the ring ring from her , i left the hse immediately . thought i cld catch the same bus as her . unfortunately , i wasnt in time .

who ask the driver to drive so fast ?!!
hmppppf ~



anyways , we went to queensway to get our necklace engraved . darling jia en joined us later . then , we decided to proceed to esplanade to have dinner at makan sutra . however , the scenary was so beautiful that we sacrificed our dinner and took photos instead !




my sweetie pie :



the both of us :








outside fullerton hotel :

one fullerton :

hugs hugs :



My two LOVERS :



my TURN ! :






the city :




she's MINE :

thats what i needed the most at that point of time :

enjoying the view :



what were we looking at ? :



NDP stage lightings :







whoa ~ look at the beautiful lights :


whats that shiny shimmering thing ? :


wow ! we saw diamonds !! [ the actual fact was just bright lights . LOLS ] :


sometimes , life is so tough that it really leads me to the route of committing suicide :


its just the two of us :


weettts ~ hello ! :


my bestieees :



looking else whr :

feeding my darling eating uncle's ice-cream :


sweetie pies' necklaces :





we wore for each other :






our necklaces :


kisses to her .. :


and to me :


after everything had ended . they came to my hse eventually and stayed overnite .
hees .

before reaching home , jia en went back home to bathe and pack her stuffs while me and ping went to seven eleven to check out some stuffs and i saw HELLO KITTY ! they were so adorable . i love the black one . unfortunately , i got the blue one instead . but anw , i got the nicest among the three of us . im contented ! hahas .

mine :

en :

ping:

and we went to playground to have some childhood memories ..
i LOVE swings !

















































and we went home .......
soon , they went to my bedroom & look what ping is doing ?
emo-ing with my pig doorsign ?
hahas !
that was my d&t proj when i was in sec 2 .
LOLS .

then they started playing with the stuffs he gave me ...

my poor bearie :

eat the cactus up [ though its dead ] :

the keychains :

do you know how much i wish the ppl who were posing were just you & me and not others ?

eventually , i gave the keychains to them . each of them will have one . yups ! its unbearable to leave but i guess i have to do it in order to forget abt him bahs .

SIGH ~

my darling was being zi lian :

same goes to my sweetie:

and the photo-taking just keep on going & going till my phone got no memory .
>.<

do you know how hard issit for me to put on a false front in front of everyone ?
i may look very lively ..
they may felt as if im okay .
but the fact is im nOt .
everynite , whenever im home ..
hiding myself in my room .
do you know ,
all i thought was you ?
do you knOw how much am i missing you ?
i may hate you but that doesnt mean i do not love you .
i have been deceiving myself everynow and then that i do not love you anymore .
but then again , i still do .
can you tell me what am i surpposed to do to refrain myself from thinking of you ?
whereever i go ,
you just came across my mind ..
so all i cld do was to keep myself busy ..
and do what i want in order to move on .

now i do finally understand why frens around me who broke up ..
been trying hard to move on but yet they can't ,
though ppl around them been advising them to do so..
that's becos they love the other party too much till they cant let go .

its ur birthday todae .
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU .

i dunno if u wld read my blog .
but these are all the things i wanna say to you .

" Though i may still love you ,
but things wld never be the same as before anymore . "

` WHY?!

our baby cactus died on 010707 .

you once said before if the cactus died ,

means our relationship ends as well ?

is it true that this is for real ?

my heart is still feeling bleeding so much that it cant stop .
every now & then , im still thinking of him .
yea, its not used to it becos he is no longer by my side anymore .
also, i cld no longer hear his voice nor receive his msg for the moment .
i love him .
Yes i do .
but i cant forgive him for the moment .
thinking back the things that he has hurt me , i cant .
i really cant bring myself to do this .
if i were to do it , i may somehow ended up being hurt again .
i had enough ! i really had enough .

sigh ~

surpposed to attend class bbq todae but i didnt attend at all . partly becos my leg was still in pain and im afraid that i may not walk again . also , im still emotionally weak . i just do not want to attend the bbq event feeling moody . i dun wan my frens around me to see me moody , the fake side of me . they know me well . if i were to go there , i just wanna be myself and really enjoy myself . however for now , im sorry i just cant do it !

forgive me frens if you were to read my blog . i'm sorry !
but i miss you guys !

had dinner with my family and relative at botanic gardens . de tiu brought us to eat black pepper crab . and hey ! its really delicious okay ? the sauce is simply yummy ! imagine the plate was filled with black pepper sauce gravy ? and soon , it became white after that .

uh-huh !
thats how yummy it was .
hahas !

after that , they suggested going holland v and have haagen daz ice cream . LOLs . so, all drove there and eat . we sat there for quite sometime , thinking what ice cream we shld eat . then all of us spotted this cold rock ice cream just opp it . mom went to walk over and checked out the place . the ice cream looks pretty cool . we hop over !

hehs !
horrible us ehhs ?

all of us were saying :
" aiyOOos ! so horrible ! the person gave us 3 menus , sitting over there for so long and we hop over just like that . "

((:

thats how kiasu singaporeans are . they just go for long queues and nth else becos they think that the stall is nice . after that , they went to order while me was sitting there .. yeah ~ i was feeling moody , stoning and thinking ... till people snatch our seats until i dunno .

LOLS .

got a scolding from de tiu .
>.< . ice cream was so-so . wasnt that nice . everyone still prefer haagen daz . hahs ! bid gd bye to them after ice-cream eating and we went to nic jie's place to spring her a surprise . with the in-laws together to celebrate her bday ! xD .

went home at 1130pm.

why ?

why in times like this you are still lying to me ?

can u just tell me the truth for once ?

just for once ?

and not hiding things from me ?

how cld i trust you further ?

how much more do you want to hurt me ?

retrieve your friendster mails before you start denying again .

if you love me , you wouldnt have change your friendster status .

if you love me , you wouldnt have deleted the comments i sent to you .

if you think i have hurt you .

then think of the things you have done to me first before saying so .

" trust is always the one i need ,
when going onto a relationship . "

` IT's OVER !

its over !

whatever thing is over !

you lost my trust .

you hurt me most .

you hide things behind my back and worse still i found out .

how much more do you wanna hurt me further ?

im sorry .

i can no longer bring myself to carry on this relationship anymore .

i felt so much like a fool .

a fool that has been cheated for a yr and 2 mths .

anyways , thank you for giving me some wonderful memories i had with you .
our journey ends here .
110406* (11pm) - > 300707 * ( 8:08 pm)

GOODBYE !

if you were to ask me if i felt terrible ?
yea i do . i mean who wld feel happy when they end their relationship ? ok ! mayb some wld .
rawwhhhs ~

this hurt wld last me for quite sometime .
i just wish to be alone right now and nth else bothering me .
whatever it is , life still goes on for me .
i will try my best to remain strong whenever i can .

thank you so much frens for being there for me ! i LOVE you all . mwwaaahhs ~

on my way home , my legs were cramp up . i cldnt walk but just fell on the pavement . immediately , i sat on the grass patch .
cars driving pass ,
people walking by pass me .
staring at me ..
i felt so paiseh .
but who cares , whats most impt is my leg . i cant walk !!
called my mom for sos and what makes me feel bad was , they were in the midst of singing bday song to my sis-in-law .

not long , my dearest mom and cousin came to my rescue and carried me up home .
sigh ~
i felt so terrible .

and yupps .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BELOVED SIS-IN-LAW !

((:

" my heart is bleeding .
it will never stops . "