Wednesday, August 09, 2006

*_wads.wrong.widd.mOii ? _*

on the start of august.things haf never go well for me. everyday do i haf to cry to slp ? or whenever i am alone, i just feel so terrible. i seriously dunno wads bothering mOii. am i suffering frm depression or wad ? i going crazy soon. tears rolling down moii eyes everyday. haish !

i guess, dis month is not moii month barhs. all probs start occuring to moii. one by one.

ytd went out wid dar after shopping wid shi hui and jia en for class graduation photo taking on sat. bought alot of stuff. and i going broke soon !! didnt actually haf the mood to shop. i was kinda quiet. bud i tried to speak up and joke somehow. making moiiself better and also the 2 gurls.

had heart to heart talk ytd wid dar. face to face around marina. he was actually asking me wads wrong wid me. why was i so quiet ? why am i always keeping quiet ? and not telling him moii probs ?

the prob in moii..i always keep quiet and keep things to moiiself. if u see me keeping quiet all the while. dis means something is going wrong wid moii. i always bottled moii things up becos i dunn wanna ppl to worry for me. everyone is tired. i noe. dar is already so tired wid his reservice or even work and i dun wanna tired him further. haish ! bud in the end he found out. i just dunno how to express moiiself out. why is dis soo ?? i eventually cried in front of him cos i felt so terrible. i cant take it anymore. how much i wanted to shout out loud. venting all moii angers, moii sorrows, moii pains, moii troubles away to the sea or river. bud i am in public. i cant do it. and i dun wanna scare him too.

he's already so tired. he wanted to go back. and van was late. i asked him to go off first bud he insist not to. so i haf no choice. ytd outing was terrible between me and him. haish !

ytd was the first time i watched fireworks wid him. it did make me feel abit better. it was simply beautiful. how i wish i can b like the fireworks. being shoot up and den beautiful sparks came out. how wonderful it can b. troubles wld just fade away.

i just haf to find moii way back !! i cant hold it longer..... !!

so many ppl were dere. it was realli crowded.

after he left went to meet sher. den van. watched moii super ex-gf. van's mood wasnt actually well too. she spilled the drink at burger king den she just dashed out. i guess she was also feeling so stressed up and she cried. seeing her like dat also makes me worry. why is everyone like dis..one by one..?? bud luckily, her mood went back to normal. so dat makes me feel eased..

the movie was kinda funni. everyone was laughin like hell. i dunno why me, moiiself, i cant laugh it out. i cant. throughout the show i just smile. dats all. de tiu fetched us hm after dat. i was seriously tired.

went to van hse to stay overnight.. reached hm at 3 plus am ytd. and i was crying to slp while listening to music. felt so terrible. i was alone in vanessa's rm as she was doing her comp work. mayb i just nd some time alone somehow barhs. like i said b4. i can onli express moiiself thru music. i wanted to go to the beach so much. bud just who can accompany me ? sch work is just to much. test are coming up pretty soon. prelims as well. whr can i find time to go ? moreover, now is 7th month. i cant go back late. otherwise moii month wld nag. arghs ! its just getting me crazy .

cant realli get to slp. cried whenever i wake up. listening to music to make me feel better.. i simply dunno wad to do wid moiiself. felt so .......so..........EMPTY ..

going to sa kor hse later to celebrate national day.
HAPPY NATIONAL DAY !!

i am feeling so terrible..
so
so
terrible..
the feeling,
inside moii heart,
the weight,
its getting heavier.
how am i gonna release them ?
how ?
how ?
wads exactly wrong wid moii ?
i seriously dunno.
i haf no idea
whr is the happy side of girl i used to b ?
it seems like its fading away ..
how can i find back moii path ?
haish..

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