*_i can no lOnnger take it_*

ytd was moii bro's graduation ceremony. tyme flies and so fast..moii bro has graduate frm ntu university. congrats !! seeing him graduate just makes our whole family proud. was out the whole day shooting his graduation photo and family protrait.

moii neck pains are back and i was trying hard to control moii pains during the photo shoot. whenever i am in the vehicle i just take a nap.

called up jia en to update me abt the sch work and she told me dat they had bio mock practical exam ytd. haish !! and i missed it which contain 15 marks of the paper.

i made a terrible mistake ytd dat i didnt even inform him dat i was out for photo shoot. frm morning till nite. i didnt even msg him nor pick up his call as i didnt bring moii bag along and i left moi belongings in moii mother's bag and it was kept in the van boot and i forgot to charge moii phone too and its running low. at dat tyme i just didnt think dat i could actually use moii mother's phone or who ever phone to msg him. such a square minded of me. i was basically sitting the front sit as i was wearing skirt.

i was in the wrong and he was so angry and worried for me. now i realised moii mistake and i wont not repeat again. i am realli sorry abt that. everyone makes mistake right ?? all i can ask for is his forgiveness now. hopefully he cools down and forgive me and b like wad it used to b. i suddenly felt so...so...i dunno..todae onli msg bud no call. i felt so weird so cold..

ytd i was feeling so troubled. thinking why am i so useless. sometimes making a person angry and i cant even do anything to calm the person down or wadever. i can help ppl bud not moiiself. dis sounds abit stupid rite ?? reflecting of ytd, i realise i was being so stressed up.. i told me moiiself. no matter how pain moii neck is i will not cry. moii head was actually hurting very badly too. i felt so terrible.

i haf so much sch work to do..so many exams, mocks coming up..prelims...moii neck pains moii health it seems getting worse and i just haf to control it. and now i made him angry. why are so many things/ problems occuring ??

todae i felt terribly sick in sch. i am not in moii usual self. i felt so weak. realli weak. i can hardly tok. moii voice change. moii face colour changed frm pale to red. i felt so feverish. was also hafing a bad flu. moii mood was kinda bad too.after sch, while i was studying/revising for the format for the eng paper 1 letter writing, i was actually hafing double vision. cant read the words clearly. felt goggy too. todae ish moii mock exam for eng and i cant take the exam as i felt too weak. i wanted to take bud moii frens forbid me to do dat and ask me to go hm. mr tan also said dat too. cos even if i take i wont b able to do well. i was actually controlling very hard to hold back moii tears in sch. moii eyes were turning red.

fri is moii ss mock. dis tyme i cant afford to miss it. i will definately take it.......

i reached home, felt to moii rm put all moii belongings. sitting on moii study table chair. i cried moii whole heart out. why are there so many things occuring to me ?? i needed u bud u were angry wid me. i dun dare to. moreover u are busy wid ur work. u are already so tired and now u haf to worry for me too. i just feel so bad..

suddenly i feel, wad haf i done moii part as his gf ?? i couldnt do anything. i couldnt help his work. all i noe is always making him worried abt me. i am jus a failure of being a part of his gf..haish.. felt so useless...

wanna thank all moii lovely frens taken care of me. helping me to carry moii bags and files and books....just so sweet of u gurls.

pls tell me wad shld i do now?? i am realli very troubled. I AM SO STRESSED UP. I NEEDA BREAK !! i guess fri i going to moii aunty's church and meet up wid van to the beach to relax moiiself barhs..i just cant take it no more.

sorry for making u worried & angry,

i admit i was at fault. it's realli moii fault...

i called u and explained to u but u didnt wanna ans me

seeing moii bro graduate,

seeing him & his gf together,

they just reminded me of me & u.

how i wish u were there wid me

how i wish we could b like them

so ssweet, lovable.

at the graduation ceremony,

me imagining moiiself,

a graduate

seeing some of them,

giving their gf a bouqet for flowers.

how i envy them.

would u do that e same to me to ?

how sweet can they b.

'during the shoot i think of u

day and nite i think iof u

how badly i wanted to msg or call u

worrying that u called, msg

bud i left it in the vehicle.

it was moii mistake. '

i sense a bad feeling in the beginning

and i noe,

something doesnt seem right.

the first thing i thought was u

and

i was right.

i realli do not noe wad i am gonna do to ame u cool down

or rather

not to b angry wid me again.

i jus hope u wld forgive me & be like wad we used to b

i am sorry,

realli sorry....

right now, gonna haf a gd rest..hopefully i feel better tml barhs..haf to turn up for sch. i cant afford to miss anymore lessons. i gotta catch up. i just gonna keep moiiself busy and not think abt the unhappy stuffs....... i am physically and mentally tired !! am i being too emotional too ??