`` FINAL shots .

OUTING WITH MY GIRLS

resting after a long shopping day :

our shopping bags [ combined ] :

Lunch at Sakae Sushi :

Shopped around Marina , Suntec and last min decision at Bugis because there isn't anything attracting at the first two places .

Went home at around 10pm plus . SHAGGED !

These few days I've been being optimistic . Maybe I should be thankful for have those nightmares because it had made me stronger . Recently , I just can't be bothered with those nightmares that I am having . hahs . Have i been immuned by it ? Basically its mainly psychological larhs . I'll still stay strong no matter what . Overcoming it is another factor . But I'll try my very best . Give me sometime alright ?

Now for another situation that is haunting me . Just let me pen this down okay ? Its not refering to anyone but just myself . (:

This guilt , this pain will never fade away .
Until the day it is back normal once again .
No one knows how much am i feeling behind .
Because I can never show it all .
Either one I would ended up hurting to .

So all I could do was to express all my emotions to myself .
That is why i am typing here .

I know how much pain he is going through .

Seeing him feeling like this does hurt me deeply as well .

If only I can turn back time but I know its too late .

Unintentionally hurt whom I had given to ,
I blamed myself .
Indeed , the fault lies on me .

Pressurized and stress are always there .
As one person's life is in my hand .
You can never know how bad it feels like when you became some sort of murderer .
It has left a deep cut scar behind .

Anytime it happens again ,

You are in hell .

Therefore , I am trying my best to bring it back .
By keeping all my promises once again .

Also , to be there whenever he needs me .

This is the guy whom i can't afford to lose .

Because I love him deeply .

I know this phobia of his takes a long time to be cured .
But , I will never give up no matter how hard it takes .

Sometimes words simply hurts so deeply by him .

But I'll never blame him for saying those .
It's never his fault .
Because , I was the cause from the start .

I just hope he would remain strong .

Because , it's simply too hurting watching him being hurt like this .
Worse still , when he did something to hurt himself where he doesnt even realise .
I don't want to see this anymore .
I really don't want to .

I know it takes time .
I know the period is long .

I know it is pain .

I know it's hurting .
The main issue now is just the waiting period .
And that is the most killing part of all .

Right now , all i could do was to be by his side while waiting .
This is the best I could do .

I'm sorry .
I know apologies cant change the fact .

All i can say is that , I am really trying my best and keeping my promise .

I love him and i really do .
Please do not let our phobias tear us apart .

God , please let him be fine so that he would be able to take care of his own health .
I do not want anything bad to him either .
I can't afford to lose him.

He is part of me .

I do not want this to be the end of everything .