`` Back to my old self .

I wasn't well once more . Dad kept saying I keep skipping school . As & when I want I don't go . But the fact is , I'm really not well . My giddiness came back & I can't even walk straight . Sometimes I really want a supportive dad.

Anw , today is Evi's sis birthday .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS !
May you stay strong and be happy always . Because seeing you smile , would make the world go round . Sorry that I can't be able to wish you personally but still I hope you would have the most memorable birthday of all . LYDD SIS !

I'm back to my painful life .

I'm tired , I'm exhausted .

Seeing my friends all being strong .

I'm happy for them .

Sometimes do you ever think ? Why are you able to help others but not yourself ?

I had a nightmare . The worse that ever happen to me .

Same thing happened .

I can't move , I can't scream .

All I can do was to just chant & fought my way through.

The moment I woke up ,

I see no one but myself .

I felt so lonely .
I just wish someone would be there to hug me so that I am able to feel secure.

I thought I could handle alone .

But never did I thought, I felt even worse.

Then I receive dear's msg & I decided to call him .

I dreamt that the world is going to end .

Leaving this world with darkness & seeing nothing but just black clouds covering over me .

I'm leaving this place .

I panicked , I shivered , I broke down.

Even this is just a dream but it can never erase those painful memories behind.

It's imprint in my mind .

I'm back to my old self .

So many things , so many words left unsaid .

Don't worry .

I will learn to be independent .

Because I know sometimes , being depend on someone would lead to disappointments.

And I do not want to feel that .

Neither do I wan the other party to feel down .

So I won't be selfish .

I will spare a thought for them as well .

" I'm sorry for missing the fun though I wish I could .
Don't worry , I won't make you guys worry . "