`` 第二十一天： 苦。-

今天是第二十一天没有你的存在。
再次的，第五次梦见你。
再次的，拿起手机，希望发简讯的人，是你。

心理：苦
想你。

Inspiring post which I've came across: 

Every little thing

Every little thing you do makes a difference. 

Each action, each word you speak, each thought you think will in some way change things for you and your world.

As you move through life, you are constantly leaving consequences in your wake.

 The nature of those consequences is what makes up the quality of your life.

Even the smallest things make a difference. 

And those small things can quickly add up to a big influence.

Your attitude and your outlook on life truly matter. 

They have a powerful influence over what kind of difference you are making, in the big decisions and the small ones too.

See the world as a beautiful place, filled with positive possibilities. 

And your actions, your thoughts, your consequences will take on the color of that positive perspective.

Everything, every moment, every person, every stirring in your heart matters. Let yourself love and value life, and be overjoyed at the positive difference that each of your moments can make.

— Ralph Marston

Read more: http://greatday.com/motivate/090926.html#ixzz2DQVeyWyj

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Every little thing creates an impact in life. Even the smallest thing, which most of us may not have realized do plays a part. As a result, it accumulated and ended becoming big. And that's when you start losing things around you. #nevertakethingsforgranted

`` Polaroid Memories -

Was trying to pack my polaroid films and packed them into the album.
While browsing, came across photos of me & you. And all I can feel was heartbreak.

THIS WAS OUR FIRST POLAROID TOGETHER & IT WAS DURING V.DAY

Do you still remember? 5 years ago? When we first dated, we collected each other passport photo to place it in our wallet?

OUR FIRST VISIT TO HORT PARK

I still remembered after taking polaroid with Jaslin & Nicholas at HortPark. You complained to me immediately asking, "Why didn't you take photo with me?" Heh! That puts a smile on my face actually. How could I possibly miss you out? 

OUR SHORT VACATION TO BATAM 

My first overseas treat for you to celebrate your ORD and our belated anniversary. Though it was only a night spent in Batam, but I had a great time with you. A fun, romantic and relaxing trip. To me, anywhere is fine, as long as I'm with you.

TAKEN AT CHRIST METHODIST CHURCH DINNER EVENT, INVITED BY MERV

Kind us, paid $5 for a polaroid film, donated to charity. (: 

WE SPENT & CELEBRATED OUR FIRST MID-AUTUM FESTIVAL TOGETHER

 

Throughout our 5 years relationship, for the first time, we celebrated mid-autumn festival on the actual day. Thank you for celebrating with me together with my girlfriends, including Merv, Aikho and Jas.  

Unfortunately, those photos shown above were all memories for now. I can no longer carry on. The promises you made, the things you told me were words that I can no longer foresee. You said, you are working hard to earn a living for us, for our future. But do you know what I'm afraid of? Someone who promised to take care of me well in future, providing a comfortable place and happiness for us, yet unable to fulfill the promises he made to me after we made our vows and live together. Question to me is, "What happens if I've been waiting all these while, yet it did not happen? Ain't I waiting in vain? "

All these while, I've been looking after on my own, which you've groomed me to be very independent ; Taking care of myself when I'm ill without you, catering to my own needs without you, even if I need something urgently, you only care for your own needs, regardless how much effort I've put in to planning things for you and us, it doesn't work out. You claimed that you are really busy now, which caused you to have troubles in managing your work, studies, me & your family. As a result, you took my feelings for granted and expected me to understand you all the time. Well, if you think deeper, now that you are busy, in future, when you've graduated and get into real working life, won't you be even busier? And if I'm unable to feel the attention from you now, I won't be able to feel secure and happy for the future. I need someone who is able to provide me the same as I am doing for you too. You've your expectations of a wife, don't I have the right of having mine too? 

I don't deny that money is an important factor for the future. But then again, what's the point of earning so hard, yet unable to provide each other attention? In that case, then I think it's better for you to be alone.

It hurts deeply for a 5 years relationship that didn't work out. However, I rather (us) to be hurt now than to regret the future. 

Finally, I took the courage to remove the photo of ours and replaced a photo of myself with my bestfriend. I'll slowly learn to move on and live for myself.

`` Tibits ♥ -

I guess mom felt how down I've been lately. When she reached home from work, called me out from my room saying that she has bought something for me & told me to open the plastic bag on the table. So, I went to open it up as told & found out that she has bought all my fav tibits to cheer me up!
#Hungerstrikenomore

What a sweet mom I have!
Thank you mummy! SMOOOOCH (^3^) ~♥

THIS PANDA POCKY CAUGHT MY ATTENTION! 

Hehe! Let's make it a happy post today instead of emo-ing all the time. 

I found this 2 cute baby videos which can naturally insert many many smiles on your face! 

Watch it & you'll know! 

THEY ARE WAYYYYY TOOOOOO ADORABLLLEEEEEEEEEEE! 

`` 逼疯了 -

我觉得我要被自己给逼疯了！
Hoping, wishing your car would be parked downstairs.
Hoping, wishing you'll be waiting downstairs.

WHAT ARE ALL THESE FOR AGAIN?!
Why is it so hard?
I can't help but to breakdown and cry again.
I'm tired out.

I've to stop.
I really have to stop.

"Do you know how much does it take to spare a thought for others? 

Do you know how much it hurts when you came to know you are able to spare a thought for others at work, but not for other things, including me?

Do you set your priorities right?

FYI, sparing a thought for someone doesn't cost a single cent at all.

Have you made the effort to do so?"

`` Thousand Years (Part 2)

Christina Perri ft. Steve Kazee - A Thousand Years Part 2 (Lyrics)

This song was supposed to be dedicated to us. 

But where has it gone? 

`` Haunted -

I've been haunt with memories everywhere I go.
Especially when the night gets quiet, my mind starts to wander.
When? Just when will I stop tearing every night over you?

It's been hard.
I feel the pain pierced deep within me.
#Exhausted

`` Grandma's 85th Birthday ♥ -

HAPPY 85th BIRTHDAY GRANDMA ♥

Went to meet grandma & mom at Chinatown after my marketing lesson. 

It's been awhile since I've last met her & I've been missing my grandma badly. 

As grandma has been craving for fish head, we headed to Chinatown hawker centre for dinner. 

Food for dinner: 

1) Apple soup 

2) Fish head 

3) Shrimp paste prawn 

Though I'm not a fan of fish, but I would say, this fish head is delicious! 

Sometimes, I really love dinner like this. It brings me 家乡味 (feels like home).

I feel so glad that I'm able to have the time to spend some time with my family now. It feels great to be able to be with them. 

Looking at how grandma enjoys her dinner really put big smile on my face. =D 

Once again, Happy Birthday Grandma! 

I wish you 身体健康，长命百岁！ 

Continue to stay strong! 

I love you ! ♥

Side track a little, I'm actually looking for a tube ring for a replacement of my middle finger. Oh well, yes, I'm feeling naked without having anything on now. 5 years with it, its hard to get used without it eh? 

If anyone knows where to get ring like the picture shown below let me know ok? :D 

"I wonder if you are still wearing it..."

``梦-

今天再次梦见你。
It's been 2 days in a row. :(

一天比一天的累。
何时能够停止为你掉眼泪？

“我相信我能够熬过这个难关，

即使是痛，我也会慢慢的向前走。。。 

当时的那天，你没挽留我，

那就是我不会回头的时刻。”

`` 第十四天 －

今天是第十四天没有你的存在。
Once in awhile, I'll read the emails you sent over & over again, wondering what went wrong.
Well, it came to this conclusion, different opinions, different expectations to be met.

If you were to tell me I'm tired then you will be tired too, and you will be even tired when school starts. For this sentence, I'll never get it. Sometimes I wonder, who is even more tired than you are. Isn't it about time management? You claimed you are busy, but who is even busier? I barely have time for my own.

Sometimes I don't get it at the things we are now.
You like to delay time when problems occur so that you can think. But do you know, the more you delay, the worse it becomes? That's why I never like waiting.

For all that I would like to say, I've mentioned before.
Everytime I reflect on the things we've been through, those memories...
Everytime I think of wanting to return, those emails will remind me to stop doing so.

It's never wrong to earn $, but having to neglect someone you love now, and taking someone's feelings for granted when you expect her to understand all the time, can never make your partner feel secure for the future. You know very well, I don't need a fairytale relationship. I am realistic. I know there are hurdles in life. It's just how you manage and overcome it. Like what you told me everytime, it takes two hands to clap, isn't it?

Someone told me, I'm putting too hard on myself at times.
Someone told me, to relax, go with the flow and take things easy.
For me, if I were to do all those mentioned above, I'll never be serious and driven in anything I do.

Now that we've part on our own ways, I wish you all the best in your studies & may you excel well.
Till then....

"我們卻 都那麼傻

等著時間來原諒

我還記得 那些過往

被回憶越拉越長

妳是否也像 像我常常這麼想

如果重來 會怎麼樣

我們是否都已長大

我們卻 都很害怕

重新讓彼此受傷

我還記得 那些過往

從沒有一天遺忘

快樂很簡單

面對自己卻很難"

”梦想再大 你还是看不见我

爱得再深 你还是爱自己多

你不会懂 伤口真的会痛

你心里的宇宙 我不在任何角落

世界再大 你还是原地不动 

说得再多 你从来也没听懂“

“事实上，你不会改变。

你，还是你。

无论我再说，事，早晚又会再重复”

`` Unlove Me -

     Leona Lewis - Unlove Me 

Songwriters: Lewis, Darren / Perry, Jo / Babalola, Iyiola / Mackichan, Blair Nicholas / Di Barrand / Rumbold, Courtney / McManus, Jack

Waiting, sitting in the front seat,
Which one of us will be
The first one to leave?

Empty, out of words,
We’re spinning, going in circles.
Why we won’t let this die?

It doesn’t matter
All the times you broke my heart
When I’m alone
Wish you’d be with me in the dark,
But when you’re here you know
We always fall apart,
We’re better off on our own.

Wish I could tell you goodbye,
But I won’t, ‘cause every time that I try
I can’t let go, I’m begging you to
Un love me, un love me, un love me.
‘cause I can’t un love you.

Forcing, even though we’re broken,
We keep holding on to these
Distant memories.

And now you know I saw those pictures on your phone
And you don’t even bother ask me where I go
When I don’t make it home
Now everybody knows we’re better off on our own.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/l/leona+lewis/unlove+me_21042604.html ]
Wish I could tell you goodbye,
But I won’t, ‘cause every time that I try
I can’t let go, I’m begging you to
Un love me, un love me, un love me.
‘cause I
Now I sure wanna be free,
But I don’t, ‘cause I still wanna believe you’re the one.
I’m begging you to un love me, un love me, un love me,
‘cause I can’t un love you.

I can’t un love you, I, I can’t un love you,
I can’t un love you, I, I can’t un love you,
I can’t un love you, I, I can’t un love you,
I can’t un love you, I…

Wish I could say you goodbye,
‘cause every time that I try
I’m begging you to un love me, un love me, un love me,
‘cause now you now I sure wanna be free.
But I don’t, ‘cause I still wanna believe you’re the one.
I’m begging you to un love me, un love me, un love me,
‘cause I can’t un love you.

I can’t un love you, I, I can’t un love you,
I can’t un love you, I, I can’t un love you,
I can’t un love you, I, I can’t un love you,
I can’t un love you,
‘cause I can’t un love you

`` 离开 －

我离开，不是因为我放弃我们的爱和承诺。
我离开是因为，我试着努力改变自己，而失去了自己。
累了，失控了。

School hasn't be good on me either. Just came to realize all my enrollment did not get through & next trimester would be my final. Graduation might be delay due to subjects not being offered for next sem. I just hope my prayers would be answered, let there be no delay. Let me clear this and get out of this school.

`` 可惜不是你 －

努力为你改变，却变不了预留的伏线。
以为牵着你的手，能够算用远。
可惜，事实上，现在，已不是你配我走到最后。
但谢谢你，曾今牵过我的手。

Mom & sis-in-law questioned me. 

Just today, then they know about the news. 

As much as they wanna know what happened, I thank them for not probing further and tried to understand the situation I'm in. I thank them for giving me space and time to recover myself before letting them know what had happened. As much as my eyes gets watery, I told myself that this would not be the right thing to do so as tearing will not solve anything. In order not let everyone gets worried for me, I wanna prove to everyone especially my mom that your daughter has grown and she has become much stronger than before. 

Though I've been feeling so bitter lately. Exhausted, lethargic easily. 

I need to buck myself up & I can't wait for holidays to arrive. 

#tiredmuch

`` 好难 -

脑海里都是你。。。

去到哪里，都是想着你。。 

Phone checked every morning, every night. Hoping that I received something from you. 

Maybe it's habit that I'm used to it. 

5 years, and now its gone. 

I've to get over it. 

It hurts, deep inside. 

I feel so screwed, literally screwed! #$@$@$@$@#!#!!!

Came across this beautiful song. 

Inside your heaven by Carrie Underwood. 

Enjoy. 

"Where have all our dreams gone? 

Where are the plans we made for two? "

`` Jess Convocation 2012 -

我们的 Jess 终于毕业了！ YAY!
恭喜恭喜！ We're all proud of you! ♥

FOR HER 

PHOTOS AT HER CONVOCATION HELD AT SINGAPORE CHINESE ORCHESTRA

Headed to Swensens' at Marina Square for dinner with her mom & friends. 

THANK YOU MAMA JESS FOR THE DINNER TREAT! (: 

Zane came to join us after her church service. 

Took a stroll down to Citylink due to our bloated stomach. 

A FINAL PHOTO BEFORE HEADING HOME 

A great time spent with my sec sch girls :D 

Hehehe! Can't wait for mine to come next year! ^^ 

`` Stye -

Not cool to be having "STYE" on assignment week.
It's affecting my vision and it hurts.
If you're wondering what stye is, it's actually " an infection of the sebaceous glands of Zeis at the base of the eyelashes, or an infection of the apocrine sweat glands of Moll.^[1] External styes form on the outside of the lids and can be seen as small red bumps. Internal styes are infections of the meibomian sebaceous glands lining the inside of the eyelids. They also cause a red bump underneath the lid with only generalized redness and swelling visible on the outside. Styes are similar to chalazia, but tend to be of smaller size and are more painful and usually produce no lasting damage. They contain water and pus and the bacteria will spread if the stye is forcefully ruptured. Styes are characterized by an acute onset and usually short in duration (7–10 days without treatment) compared to chalazia that are chronic and usually do not resolve without intervention."  - Quoted from Wikipedia. 

The above picture shows how it looks like. But my left eye, hasn't reach till that stage of swollen yet. Hope it doesn't even! HEHE!

Causes of it:
Styes are commonly caused by the blocking of an oil gland at the base of the eyelash. Although they are particularly common in infants, styes are experienced by people of all ages. Styes can be triggered by poor nutrition, sleep deprivation, lack of hygiene or rubbing of the eyes. Sharing of washcloths or face towels should be curtailed to avoid spreading the infection between individuals.^[5][6] Styes can last from one to two weeks without treatment, or as little as four days if treated properly.^{[7] - Quoted from Wikipedia} 

Oh my, I hope it gets cured fast and not last till 1-2 weeks later. T.T

Yes, exactly agree with the cause. Insufficient of sleep due to assignments. Have been having late nights sleep. I'm suffering heavily from sleep deprivation! HAHAHA! Can't wait for this week to be over so that I can have a full day rest. =D In addition, have been tearing almost everyday ever since my breakup. I've been telling myself, since I made the decision, I can no longer look back. Honestly, it's the memories that hurts.

Ah well well well, date checked today, 16 November 2012. The number 16, no longer mean anything to us anymore. It's over. I've to forget it. It's been a week since I've not receive any contact from him. Probably, this would be the best way uh?

Other than emo-ing, I've a piece of good news to share! I thank god that presentation went well and thank you to my team mates for working so hard. Many conflicts happened which made all of us "tor hweet" so much but nevertheless, hard work paid off. And for the first time, I received compliment from lecturer for presenting well. It's an achievement for me because I've always fear presenting all the while. It's a stepping stone. hehe!

Sigh ~ How I wish I'm able to share some news to you. Including my individual assignment results as well. For the first time, I've scored. I improved. In the past, I remembered, I used to seek help from you regardless what assignment I received. I'm proud of myself that I did it without you anymore. I bet you must be proud of me when you read this. (:

Alright, back to assignment!

"It's been a week, 

how have you been?"

`` 不讲道理 -

感受到，也体会到。
这首歌，说明一切。

歌 手： 黄小琥

黄小琥 不讲道理

歌词

黄小琥 - 不讲道理

作词：姚若龙 作曲：萧煌奇

为什么能够牵手度过层层难关

最后却不能相拥度过生活平淡

是不是少了危机感 就不浪漫

爱都怕沦为习惯

为什么总是为人着想的人鼻酸

付出的越多越不会被偿还

有委屈不满 还是舍不得离散

难道自私是避免疼痛 的答案

就算是那么努力那么小心谈情感

爱却不讲道理不念旧情要离开

勉强要个原因 也只会要来伤心 又何必

也曾经试着独立试着理性不动

爱又不讲道理把我推入一片雨林

反复不停挣脱 然后不停回忆 像囚禁

为什么两个人有时候会更孤单

怕像是乞求而宁愿不坦然

一直在等了解 来的是绵延的感叹

对于幸福也慢慢不敢 太期盼

就算是那么努力那么小心谈情感

爱却不讲道理不念旧情要离开

勉强要个原因 也只会要来伤心 又何必

也曾经试着独立试着理性不动心

爱又不讲道理把我推入一片雨林

反复不停挣脱 然后不停回忆 像囚禁

也许爱的结局 只能尽力之后 等好运

`` 好难 －

去到那里都是你的影子。。
Your face, your scent, the memories.
It's hard to move on, but I'll get over it.
Someday, somehow.

Anw peeps! Do watch pitch perfect. The movie is way perfect! Awesome movie! 

WATCH IT! And you'll get what I meant. (: 

This movie has certainly brought me back memories of those performing days. 

And it also drives me to do new covers. 

If only I've those recording equipments and a nice voice ~ 

hehehehe... 

`` 谁还记得 是谁先说永远的爱我？-

做了和付出了那么多，到头来还是被责怪。

我彻底的累了。 

“相爱没有那麽容易 每个人有他的脾气 

过了爱做梦的年纪 轰轰烈烈不如平静

幸福没有那麽容易 才会特别让人着迷

什麽都不懂的年纪 

曾经最掏心 所以最开心 曾经”

Many people say, its easy to get into relationship but its hard to exit. 

Been that, done that. 

幸福并不容易争取。 

“ 谁还记得 是谁先说永远的爱我？”

你说你要握紧我的手，一起走到最后。 

但为何，我却是一个人承担这一切？ 

`` Tonight I wanna cry ~

"Thank you for your sarcasm" - Do you know how hurtful those words are?!
Probably you won't be sensitive enough to feel it either.
I had enough of everything. Hearing those words have made my decision to let go.

I even personally came to your door step to gave you one last chance.
But all you tell me was, "I have nothing to say. If you are happier this way ~"

Tell me, how am I suppose to take it?
You left me with huge disappointment. It came to this point, returning you back the ring was the right choice after all.

Well, thank you for the wonderful memories you have provided me throughout our 5 years relationship. You have groomed me to become stronger, matured and a better lady. I wish you well & may you find a better partner who will give in to all your needs, be patient and be more understanding than me.

Goodbye.

"Let it fall like rain, from my eyes. Tonight I wanna cry"

`` Adios!

Received this 25% Big bird, 25% Elmo & 50% Hellokitty from Phil on 26th Oct ♥

Thank you for the gift! 

"I did what you told me to after reading your letter, as promised. I hope you are doing better now my friend. I lost you & I can no longer text you as and when I can anymore. I feel sad that things turn out this way when there's nothing between us as well. I wish you well." - till we meet again. 

`` 談感情 -

劉力揚 - 談感情

曲: 楊子樸 詞: 劉力揚

淩晨的睡意 被不安敲醒
安靜的城市 冷得很徹底
我想起你的話 你常說的字句
不被愛的疑慮 開始泛起漣漪

幾杯 紅酒也無法微醺 
是否應該反省 試著看清 你的漫不經心

人說 談感情 先認真的就不會贏
我們愛上的那個總是會比較愛自己
為愛哭 為愛笑 卻找不到愛情難題的解藥
最後只能留下省略號

故事在繼續 寂寞常攪局
沒有結果的愛 想想有些掃興
誰的愛沒遺憾 沒有孤單作伴
怎樣才能交換 誰能給我答案

舉杯 讓憂傷被按暫停
是誰發來簡訊 也看不清 還要故作清醒

人說 談感情 先認真的就不會贏
我們愛上的那個總是會比較愛自己
為愛哭 為愛笑 卻逃不了愛情困擾的魔爪
最後只能留下省略號

累不累 什麼輸或贏 只要真心愛就好
別因為被傷 就將愛你的刺傷
錯的那麼囂張

"人說談感情 先認真的就不會贏

我們愛上的哪個 總是會比較愛自己

為愛哭為愛笑卻找不到愛情難題的解藥

最後只能留下省略號"

"人說談感情 先認真的就不會贏

我們愛上的哪個 總是會比較愛自己

為愛哭為愛笑卻逃不了愛情困擾的魔爪

最後只能留下省略號"

- Chorus explains it all.