`` . My Love For You WIll Never Change

LOVE WILL SHOW YOU EVERYTHING

Today, today I bet my life
You have no idea
What I feel inside
Don't, be afraid to let it show
For you never knowIf you let it out

I love you, you love me
Take this gift and don't ask why
Cause if you, will let me
I'll take what scares you and hold it deep inside
And if you, ask me why,I'm with you and why I'll never leave
Love will show you everything

One day,when youth is just a memory
I know,You'll be standing right next to me

I love you, you love me
Take this gift and don't ask why
Cause if you, will let me
I'll take what scares you and hold it deep inside
And if you, ask me why
I'm with you and why I'll never leave
My love will show you everything
My love will show you everything, thang,
My love will show you, everything
Our love will show us everything

Here's a news , I'm back with him officially . No one ! I repeat .. No one has ever make me so special in my life . It was him who made me felt that way . During this 3 weeks and 5 days of separation , has made me realise alot of things in life . That is to treasure things around you before you start losing it & regret what you have done . And I believe I have really found someone whom I really treasure and someone who loves me more than I do .

A guy who is willing to take the effort & make so much changes in himself for the better
A guy who actually think of ways for me to forgive him .
And a guy who assures me time & time again how much importance I am in his life .

" I FORGIVE YOU "
As you put on the ring for me once more .
I know I'm not letting you go anymore.
Because , I Love You .

I wanna thank everyone . For those who have been there for me giving me advises throughout. Thank you so much . I guess I have made the right decision this time round and I won't disappoint you all . LOVESSS ~

It's a brand new start for me & you .
I wish this journey of ours will never end anymore .

" IMY girl , You will always be in our hearts.
I'll be waiting for your comeback . "

`` Cherish the moments .

Things just happen .
One after another .

But I just tell myself to be strong and go on .

So that I am able to be there for them .

It really pains me throughout seeing these kind of painful scenes.

In return ,they also made me learnt alot of things .

That is to treasure before you regret when you start losing things .

To be able to stand with two feets and not just one .

`` STRESSSSSS .....

GERADINE IS OVERLY STRESS
GERADINE IS OVERLY EXHAUSTED
GERADINE HAS BEEN HAVING ONLY 2-3 HRS OF REST FOR A WK
GERADINE IS FEELING SICK
GERADINE IS GOING CRAZY !!

I have found my answers .

And I know what I want .

But I can't move on right now ,

The phobia of mine is still held within me .

I will wait .

Till the day I am certain .

Then I will move forward .

`` Fallen ill.

Right now , I'm still utterly weak . Stomach still pain , giddy spells are still up . My whole body doesnt really have the strength to do anything but just resting on bed . I can only rely on medication to stop my pains .

Haven't been sleeping well for the past few nights . On thurs was working hard for my proj as I had to hand in on friday . I didnt slp for the entire night , morning , afternoon . Till evening until the proj has been handed up , then I can rest. I do admit all these sickness acts up are all due to stress because I felt it on my own .

Rest is all I need now . Hope I can recover soon . Project presentation are starting next week. I have to get well by then. Oh god ~ I feel so sick ! T_T

" Get me well soon .

I still have so many things yet to be completed ."

`` System Brokedown ..

People , never ever follow my footsteps because it will harm you . LOL ! Was mugging through the whole week for my projs & now , my system has broken down . I over exerted myself . T_T .

I just can't stop working till my projs are done because time is running out . I just wanna make sure everything goes well . All these projs are bascially making me crazy ! I didn't go to school today . Giddiness acts up . So, I stayed at home at rest thinking it would be well in the afternoon . But never did I thought it got worse ! My old sickness acts up . Stomach starts to pain real badly . Mom brought me to the clinic . After seeing the doc , I went out feeling terrible & started to puke .

Then , we collected my medication and I urge mom to take a cab home . I can't walk properly . Everything starts to acts up on me . I almost fainted on streets and what I did was to sit at the pavement while waiting for the cab to arrive . I should thank one of the kind stranger who actually gave up his cab for us . Once I board the cab , I puked another time . =(

I lay on bed immediately the moment I reached home . Enduring the pain and giddiness I had . This is the first time I actually screamed out of pain . If you were to ask me what was the score pain like ? I would tell you that my answer would be 10/10 . Again , I urged mom to quickly give me the medication . I simply want the pain to stop because it is torturing me real badly ! She wanted to bring me to hosp but I told her I will endure the pain . Because I know what are the procedures like in hosp and I swear to myself that I will never ever stepped into the hosp unless I don't have the choice . And I'm glad I make the right choice in the end . (:

Perspiration , Pains , Screams ! I told myself to be strong but somehow at that moment of time , I do not know how long can I pull through because it was really painful . And I said this to myself that .. " Just let me faint , at least I can rest & not feel the torture . " That's how terrible I was and I started praying to god as well .

Then an hour later , the pain start to subside & I guess , the medications have taken the effect ! I felt much better . Well , I am still feeling rather weak now . My giddiness have not gone away yet . To ease my fren's worriedness , I replied their msges immediately when I read it . And to my mom , I know its really hard on her to see me like this & takes care of me . I know I worried her again . So in order to ease them , I will stay strong , remain cheerful & rest when I have to do so .

So people , never ever follow my footsteps because once you exert yourself , you will never know what will happen next . Probably I am not strong as some of you but still , rest if you must . Never ever exert yourself . Hahs ! Come to think about it , sturbborness can harm & save you too ! LOL ! Let me tell you the reason why .

Firstly , let me answer why does it harm you ..
1) People around you asked you to rest but you don't want to .
2) You know that you are tired yet you forced yourself to stay through the night .

Next , why does it save you ..
You know that hosp will not do anything and just letting you to wait , lying down on the bed to rest for a long period of time till the doc arrives . So you would rather endure the pain at home and time will heal the pain . And I was right ! Better to stay at home than to be tortured in hosp . (:

Anw, regarding my projs , I will still continue & try my best to help my group members if can . They are surpposed to be coming over to my hse to do today but becos of my health , they changed destination . Sigh ~ Okay ! No time to grieve anymore . Just buck up & do as much as I can . JYJY !

" Rest if you must ,

Never ever exert yourself. "

`` Quiz..

Was viewing Cailing's blog & I thought I would like to give it a try out of fun because I'm really very very stressed out with my work loads & I'm very lack of sleep . Been having less than 5 hrs of sleep each day . Things been filling up my mind . Probably trying this may somehow help me to know myself even better . And hey ! Surprisingly , it was rather true about me . LOL !

Your view on yourself :
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
Give it a try . See if it is true on you . (:

Here's another one & I really find it totally suits me since Im facing r/s problems . Haha !

What's your personality love style?
Here is the analysis:
You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test80.aspx

Hmms . There's one thing I should disagree though . I dont expect a perfect r/s because I know sometimes people do tend to make mistakes . But come to think of it , it also has to be base on what the problem is about too. (:

" Overly stress ,

Overly exhausted . "

`` MOF

While waiting for my desktop to load because its getting sick , thats why it takes a longer time to load . Hahs . Somehow reminds me of a tortise walking on land . Just imagine how slow they are . I know the time now is 1:46am . But what can I do ? My group presentation is due tml . Gotta finalized everything before I go to bed and wake up the next day without any worries . (:

Works are piling up & I'm really very stressed up ! Projs are gonna be due soon & we are just only 1/2 way through .. Not a single one done yet . My group has to really buck up in time managment ! School ended early today because of no QS . So, I went home to get my things and went to Jaslin hse to discuss on POC . Damn ! Raining again . It's freezing cold ! I just do not get why do I always receive rainy weathers whenever I am going to my fren's place .

Ring Ring *
Aikho called her Sayank . (: Evi is back from INDO ! Just in time . She came over here and just in time it was time for us to leave as Jaslin is going out with her family . Then the four of us went CCK to have ice cream at MOF . This silly girl needs us . We will always be there for her ! We chit chatted . Indeed I was down too & this girls really cheered me up though I didn't really show my true feelings . I never regret joining them .

I REALLY LOVE THE ICE CREAM

WENTING & ME

AIKHO & EVI

Left CCK around 8pm . Hug hug & I took my bus 188 home . Suddenly , this emptiness feeling just occured to me again . I was feeling really really emo . Rahhs ! Really hate this feeling & I teared . T_T .

I'M SO STRESS !
I MISS HIM !
PROJECTS !

Took a bath when I reach home & did my proj till now . I'm really really really very shagged right now. Had a talk with him on msn. For all I can say , I'm contented with the way I am right now . I won't request much for more . As long as both parties are happy , I'm happy . Let time heal this wound of mine . Same applies to my sisters !

Girls ,
I know you girls are down too .
I'll still be there no matter what .
LYDD !

" Let time passes through your heart ..

And soon you will be able to know what you want . "

`` Life still goes on ..

Was doing filming yesterday at MF . It's about food show . Man VS Machine . If I'm not wrong . Filming surpposed to start at 2pm but it delayed till about 245pm like that ?

The host was Lilian . She's really active and she brings the atmosphere out within us . A good host ! Hahs . After going through everything , now I realise the toughnest of being an artiste . Alright ! What we did was ....

There were four gals singing acapella . One did the beatbox and the 3 of them would just sing . Then the rest of us will just sing alot with the song as the start off . Teacher put me in front . I was really camera shy . But I told myself that , an artiste is never camera shy . You are filming right now , instead of being shy , what you should do is to put in your best ! =)

After that , the host interviewed us as we tasted 2 different types of curry puffs . Seeing curry puffs now really got me scared ! LOL ! Then it comes to voting and the ending by running towards the video camera and POSE !! Hahs ! That's about the summary of the whole filming . And I got to see Xu Huan Liang Laoshi too ! I should say its a nice experience for me because you can hardly get this chance . And this is my first time doing such film too . So now I know where my mistakes are , I'm gonna work on it and become a more confident person .

Lastly , they took a video of the classes we had in MF . Some of my classmates are in dance and as for me I'm in vocal . Well , I'm not sure when will it be showed on channel U but I'll let you guys know again once I know yeahs ? Hopefully will not shoot the ugly side of me . Hahs . Who would want it man ? Photos are with Cailing . Will upload once I receive those .

As for today , I went for vocal . Teacher told us many things . About ytd filming and our vocal usage . Where shld we train and how shld we apply it. She also said that my tone of voice has become brighter . The only thing I had to focus on now is my transition , the range from low to high , to project and to know the song better . =) Hee . All of us are improving !

Went to meet Eugene after class . I should thank him for helping me . Giving me advises which made me learnt and grow . Had lunch at bugis and we headed down to Bugis to get his comp stuffs . While shopping through , it really made my heart itch because I felt like buying so many things ! But first , MONEY is the main key ! $$$ . No money , you get nothing ! True ?

Anw people , just wanna thank you for being there for me . Cheering me up and giving me lots and lots of encouragement . Just to let you guys know , I'm getting my life pretty well now and I'm contented with what I'm doing . At times , I may miss him and I do admit my heart is still with him . But whatever it is .. Like I said to myself , even if I were to live without a guy , life still goes on and I'll lead it happily .

Okay ! I gotta leave to my Aunt house now . Shall end my entry here for now . Ta-ta !

" From what I have lost ,

I gained something in return . "

`` I Will Stand Strong .

I was hiding strong in school . Smiling and laughing away . I ate so as not to make anyone worried about me and also to show them that I am taking care of myself. It was until I asked Jaslin to help me return the ring and folio to him . My heart started to ache . I took a bus home . My mind was full of him .

I teared everywhere I go . Surpposed to meet my girls at HF for dinner . They were late . I thought I could wait for them at the station but never did I expect tears just started to fall again. I don't wan to make myself like a fool tearing in public . I apologised to them that I could not wait anymore . So I took a bus home in the end . I felt real bad and I'm glad they understand. =) .

Once again , I teared in the bus & controlled till I get home . I cried my whole heart out . I MISS HIM ! YES I MISS HIM ! I hate myself for feeling this way . I really do ! I felt so terrible, I felt so empty . I wish I could turned back time . I wish all these didn't happen . WHYYY ? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME ?!!!

I LOVE HIM YET I COULD NO LONGER DO SO .

Those memories would just repeat .

Tears falling , heart bleeding .

There I go telling myself to be strong .

Life still goes on witout him .

I hate myself for getting hurt that bad .

It will forever imprint a scar in my life .

Anw, my girls sure know how to cheer me up . They surprised me by coming over & bought dinner for me . We shared & ate together .

To my darlings :
Thank you for not pursuing further . Give me sometime to take a break. I have a bad day . Its enough for me . I dont wan to tear anymore . Its tearing me apart . I will keep my promise whatever I have made . One day .....
I LOVE YOU GIRLS !
Thank you for assuring me . I really do not know how can I survive without you girls . Don't ever leave me alone okay ? I need you girls .

To others :
Thank you so much ! Thank you for showing so much concern to me . I really appreciate it ! Thank you for encouraging me to be strong . Thank you for giving me advises . Thank you . Really , thank you so much . You people are greatly appreciated .

I may be very much hurt right now but I know time will heal my pains . Don't worry . I'll be fine . (:

To myself , I made a very huge mistake . I'm such a failure as a fren . I want her to be happy yet I hurt her even more .

Sis , if you are reading this , Im really sorry . I really didn't mean to keep it from you . Please forgive me . I hope you would give me one more chance . I really wanna be there for you . I'm truely sorry . I love you sis .

" Lost , empty ..

Where's my route ? "

`` BROKEN - HEARTED

160707 - 100808 ; GOODBYE LOVER ❤

I thank you for all the sweet memories you gave to me .

I appreciate that all along .

But I can't forget the things you said & did to me .

People were right , the one who love you most , hurt you the most .

I am exhuasted .

My tears are dry .

I feel terrible .

Chances after chances I gave in to you .

And I have never ever ever say vulgarities to a guy I LOVE !

You are the first .

To me , you are the guy I trusted most .

But looks like , I'm wrong .

You are no different from any of them .

That's it ! I'm leaving ......

TO FRIENDS :

Stop asking me what happen becos I wont answer & Ping , if u are reading this I just hope you understand . Please do not lose your temper if you do not know what is happening . I treat you as my close one . I never say you are nobody to me . You are indeed someone special . A fren who has been with me . Yes, our thinking maybe different from you . We are the silent ones and you are the one who is opposite from us . Please understand our position and please do not be mistaken that I would share with her because I never intend to share with anyone. Its just between me & him ! I don't wish to brought about it anymore . You think I'm happy that I have broken up ? You can never think of how broken up I felt . Its never glamorous to me but it's something shameless that I can never face to . I really wish I could spend with a guy forever but it was just part of my wishful thinking .

People , I just hope you guys not to blame me and respect my decision . I'm utterly broken enough and I do not wish to conduct anymore misunderstandings . I'm pierced through & thats enough of what I'm having now . If you guys are angry for not telling you , its okay . I don't blame either one of you . I respect it . All I seek was you guys understanding thats all . I had lost my love one I do not wish to loose anymore . I'm Sorry .

Lastly , thanks to everyone's concern . (:

I know it's an unexpected one . But sometimes bad things just come .

" Break me apart ,
Torn me into pieces & never fix me up again . "

`` SLEEPY !

I seriously got to quit the habit of drinking red bull whenever I am sleepy . Rahhs ! But I don't have a choice . I have test the next day & I have not finished studying ! I'm so dead ! Kill me then . LOL !

ECONS ECONS ECONS ! I seriously gonna die for this sub . Hell lots , it's cracking my brains up ! So hard to absorb . So hard to understand . Would anyone be kind enough to give me tuition on this ?

I wonder if I'm able to make it for my audition tml at MF . To give up or not to ? I do not have the time to study nor do I have the time to choose the songs . Well , better to think this way .. Opportunities are always there . Not going for this ? Many auditions are right ahead for you to choose . All you need is time to wait . =) .

Studies are definately more impt than pursuing ur dreams . Oh well , shall make my final decision tml then . Better not over-tire myself though I already did . xD . Proj drafts for bqt opts are due tml and I have yet to do my part . Grrs . Just hate it when it happens . I'm so lack of time ! Bet I will be sleeping very late tonite !

Anw , I got my transcript back for sem2 & overall . I did improve and that's one thing I shld feel happy about . But then another , I was disappointed with some subs I scored where I could have done better than that . Okay ! It's over . Do not think about it anymore & just move on !

REDBULL , I SERIOUSLY NEED YOU !

To her :
Whatever I said I have already replied through email already . Please do understand and bare that in mind . Actually I was reading back our past emails we sent to each other the last time . If you were to realise , everytime we sent email to one another , is always got to do with apologising and asking you to change about ur attitude . If you do not remember , read that again and you know what I meant .

I'll always treasure this friendship of ours .
LOVE LOVE !

`` Thank you . (:

The time now is 2.15am . You must be wondering why am I still awake or rather blogging at this timing . Hahs ! I actually drank RedBull at 9 + as I was really sleepy . So to keep myself awake , I took out a can and drank it . It works ! But damn ! I'm so awake now . This shows how " powerful " Redbull actually is . You dont need a coffee or tea to keep you awake . Just drink Redbull & you will be fully awake . Well , I donno if it works for you all but it is very effectively to me . Hahs ! xD

Alright , I have been feel very troubled for the entire day today . I had to turn to them because I really need to vent it out . It has been keeping me for long . Well , each human has it's own limits . And my limits are up ! I'm glad I got wonderful peeps around with me . My sisters , my bf & my frens .

Thank you people !
You really guided me through & giving me lots of encouragement .
LOVE YOU ALL DEEP DEEP ! (:

What can I say , I felt so fortunate . Whatever the outcome is , I'm prepared for the worse because I'm really too exhausted to be bothered about those stuffs anymore . If it's mine , I will take it . If it's not , I'll leave . Thats my line .

" To take it or leave it . "

I felt so stupid of myself to cry over this . Oh well , probably I'm too stress out with many things . Projects are hell lots , progress test are coming up which is tml , friday and wednesday & my vocal inhouse musical audition on friday . Whoa ~ there are so many things to prepare !
Rahhs ~ I guess I'm going mad soon .

Anyway , I'm not going to think so much anymore . Let time goes by & it would tell me an answer out of it . Let me be optimistic yeahs ? (:

" Whatever I lose ,

I gain something in return . "

`` Final chance .

Your voice out yours .

And I voice out mine .

Face to face ..

Together as one , we work things out .

You asked me to give you another chance & see the improvement in you .

I took your words & bear that in mind .

This is the final one that I would be giving in to you .

But that does not mean I have forgiven you .

Prove to me right .

And I'll move on .

`` DISAPPOINTMENT .

For 3 days , we have been quarreling of the same thing over & over again.
After so long then I realise you still do not know what I meant and what do I really want .
I was hurt deeply .
I have been having sleepless night , crying myself to sleep .
I miss you dearly but I cant .
I can't forgive of the broken promises you made .

Time & time again ,

I have been reminding you & giving you advises all these while.
But you still made those mistakes.
Worse still , is one of the things I hated !
I smiled , I laughed infront of everyone .
Deep down , it's still bleeding so badly .
To avoid letting my imaginations run while ,

I kept myself busy with works and things.

Doing things that would at least take my mind off somehow.
Well , I'm glad that this is not affecting my studies nor my schwork .
I still can handle it .

All I can say is that , my mind is really in a huge mess right now .
I do not know how long can I hold on further .

And I have made a decision .
Come back to me only when you know what your plans are.

I'm really pierced through .

Next , I do not know whether to feel pissed or sad the moment Sim asked me to read one of my good fren's blog . ( Sorry for the vulgarities )

Both of us were called a WHORE or A FUCKER for not attending her bday party . We did reply and we did tell her that we could not make it . Both of us were planning to surprise her in fact ! But somehow sch work are piling us up . We cant even fork out time to do it . That's how busy we were . I know know time is running out for the 3 of us .She's returning back to AUS and I do not know when will she be coming back again .

Well, obviously there's a huge misunderstanding in her blog .

Dearest Gen , if you are reading this please do understand . 3 of us are great friends and I really do not wanna spoil this friendship of ours . I understand you are disappointed with the both of us for not attending but also at the same time please do understand our situations as well . I don't blame you for being piss off with us . Still, I sincerely apologise to you . You are really a great fren & I don't wanna lose you either.

Loving you always .

" My heart bleeds .
I just want things back to the way it was ."