` cemetry .

ching meng has arrived. its tyme to make a trip to cemetry to pay respect to elders . well , we did today . woke up at 7am plus . dad fetched us to ah pek hse to get the stuffs . jack kor and ah tiu were there too .

then all of us set off together . it was a HOT weather .
but ...
I LIKE !!
hehs .

de tiu , van and justin reached there first . arrived at around 9am plus . heavy JAM .

first visit : grandpa
second visit : grandma
third visit : big aunt

got my hair tied and wore my shades .

YEAHS !

i got myself tanned a little . i was indeed red . however , i forgot after wearing shades wld leave me a mark around my eyes . guess wad ? it DID ! adoii . luckily it wasnt that obvious . pheewww .
hopefully can continue to get red tml during the zoo trip .
hehes .

after which , it ended at 1pm plus and we headed straight to church to pay respect to my second aunt and had lunch at da sao 's dad stall . it becomes a routine now . after praying , we wld definately head there for lunch . LOLs .

as everyone was tired after lunch , all of us went home to have a good rest . i knocked out totally the moment i reach home at 3pm plus . had a good bath . dried my hair and turned in . slept till 6 plus bud still , i am feeling very sleepy !!

when i woke up , i felt terribly hot from my body . guess it was the heat from the sun . LOLs . you know what ? it seems like a 360 degrees attitude change in me . i felt agitated easily ... i cld not even control my temper . once i flare , i just wanna flare it out . if not , i wld just kept silent totally to control it. i felt exhausted but yet , i cant slp . i dun even know what i am doing . i dun even know why do i felt this way .

then , i began to feel very sensitive . feeling a distance from dar . its like , i dun feel that we were as close as before anymore since a few weeks back. i somehow lost the sweetness from him . no more " LOVE YOU " word from him . i haven been hearing from him . i ve been waiting for him to say it. be it in msg or phone call . plus , our conversation turned dead todae . he may be rude to me at times . saying some things that are kinda overboard . i still controlled . its already different from last time . i dun wan to make it bad further .

i do not know if he had realised it . i just wanna let myself know that i basically do .

its okay if our outings may be a long or short . though i may feel a little disappointed , i do not mind. i really do not mind . as long as i get to see him, i wld feel contented .

Geradine ! may i know why are you so nice ? can you tell me why ? plus , why do you keep hiding your inner feeliings and not letting it out ? by letting it out , dun you feel better ? dun you wan others to know you better ? why are you like this geradine ?

TELL ME WHY !

im just not being myself todae . a total change in me who has turned to become so scary and anti-social . where is the old me ?

is this a warning sign for me that something is arriving soon ?
sigh ~
i HATE this feeling TOTALLY !!

hopefully, everything wld be fine after tml .

" SAVE ME out from darkness .
set me FREE . "