i am still in denial .
stucking myself in the middle .
whom shld i exactly trust ?
after finding out the truth from my bestfriend.
i already felt so hurt for myself .
to think my bestfriend ..
can you imagine ?
my bestfriend actually hide things from me for 6 months ?
i dun blame her .
becos she wants me to be happy.
in fact,
i shld thank you so much for being frank with me .
for 24 hrs again ,
i cld not slp ....
i would like to gib special thanks to my frens for accompanying me throughout the nite .
was conferencing with them on the phone .
without clarifying,
i just cld not have the strength to do anything .
it leads me curiousity .
in the afternoon,
when i was clarifying the truth ,
my boyfriend actually says he forgot all abt it .
not exactly all but partly .
but i felt relief that he still LOVES me as much as i do .
honestly speaking ,
though i have somehow clarified .. i still cld not have a piece of mind .
FORGIVING .
thats another case .
in love , isn't there a saying of honesty ?
the reason why i was angry abt wasnt becos of the anniversary .
but becos you hid things from me and i found out !
you know i hate people hiding things from me .
worse thing stil , i actually found out from someone i know !
wad i wan was TRUST !
if you really love me ,
stop hiding things from me anymore .
stop doing things behind my back which i do not even like .
can you please ,
promise me not to do it ever again ?
mayb we shld just breakfree ourselves for the moment .
give each other some tyme to cool down before we start all over again .
had shatec orientation todae . it turned out alright afterall . bought my uniforms. 2 sets of it . of cos, i made frens ! they were gonna be my classmates afterall . so why not make it now ? nice people i shld say .
and guess wad ?
i got loads and loads of international students in my class !
thats pretty cool ehhs ?
i had students from :
malaysia ..
indonesia ..
vietnam ..
korea ..
china ..
philliphines ..
etc etc ..
unfortunately, i have to dye my hair black once again as dyed hair in shatec is not allowed in the school premises . tidiness is very IMPORTANT in shatec . i had no choice .
haish ~
highlighted hair has been with me for 4 months only.
to think i even haf paid for $90 wid treatment as well ..
using my own money !
and now,
i have to dye my hair black till 3 yrs later !
arhhhhhhhhhhhs ~
but who cares ?
wad most impt was my future and not the hair colour that counts ehhs ?
i m still able to do my hair till 3 yrs later .
plus , money cld be earned back anytime .
=) .
everything ended at 12pm plus . it ended early . in fact VERY ! 2 hrs earlier . i had my evaluation at BBDC at 2:50pm . can you imagine how long was that ? i have not waited that long in my life before larhhs . this was ever the first time . though i was tired , i just cld not get myself to slp . then suddenly , this black guy came to me and say hi ..
i was like ...
me : " hi . do i know you ? "
him : " don't you remember me ? "
me : " er . no ? "
him : " you are from shatec right ? who attended the orientation just now ? "
me : " oh yeah ! hello ! "
thinking back ,
this guy really got a good memory and he even remembered my name ! oh gosh . he sat beside me and we started chatting .
soon it was 2:50pm . bid goodbye to him and i went for my evaluation .
honestly speaking , i shld not even have attended the evaluation . i wasnt in the state to . wads the point of attending when im not even concentrating and ended up failing from time to time again ? at that moment of time i was thinking how am i gonna clarify with him ?
forgive ?
or
break up ?
i have to definately study hard for my BTE and get it down with . book the same test date wid sa kor and pass TOGETHER !
you know , it really pains me so much . yeah ! i am seriously emotional weak . im the type of personal who cld not handle my personal emotions well between work and personal life . it wld somehow be mixed together .
however , like i mentioned before , after clarifying , though i am still left in confusion , i have stand up strong . i just wan it to stop affecting me . went back home to pack my stuffs and off to gen's hse to enjoy myself . though i may still be in a foul mood . i wld just have my pretended smile showed in front of them so as to keep them from worrying .
i rather stay outside than staying at home . it wld only make my life miserable and make me worse !
thank you buddies for really willing to spend tyme wid me when im sad .
im seriously fortunate to have you guys around by my side .
whether i wanna be back to normal or cheer myself up again it wld definately have to depend on myself .
but dun worry .
you'll soon find it back once again .
i need tyme to straighten up my thinking .
everyone deserves a second chance .
don't they ?
whether i'll be back to him .
the decision still lies within me .
sigh ~
i ve my vocal lesson tml .
i still have to sing in front of the whole class . however , im afraid i may just feel too emotional and just break down .
shld i attend or not ?
all i know is that ,
im too tired to think of anything .
i just need plenty of rest for now .
" no matter how much we ve gone through ,
i'll still LOVE you as ever . "
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