`` the hurt is still un-resolve .

last nite , sisters came over to my place to cheer me up. i seriously dun wanna be left alone . cos , tears just keep flowing down repeatedly which makes me feel really terrible . i simply do not wan to continue this anymore . my eyes hurts alot .

however , no matter how hard they tried cheering me up , i cld hardly bring up my smile. i felt totally exhausted . ever since they appear , i thought that i have finally controlled my tears . i felt relief in myself. but.. becos ping was choosing songs from my comp , she played some sendimental songs and jia en came to me . i cld not control again and broke down in tears one more tyme .

i noe i really hurt them seeing me turning to become like this . but, i simply cant control myself.

sisters im really sorry . im realli sorry .

they began to consol me and explained everything to make me feel better . then, i decide to be strong a little . i just cant be depress all the way .. it wld affect them . am i right to say that ?

they pulled me along to bugis . got myself changed and wore my shades . they wanna buy their poly stuffs while i wanna go out to take a breather to make myself feel better.. rather than staying at home alone thinking elsewhr again . i dun wanna torture myself further .

during the outing, i felt really restless . seeing the both of them feeling so happy , while me walking slowly at back . i do indeed felt extra . mayb i shld not have tagged them along and spoilt the fun .

haish ~
what the hell am i thinking ?

hmms ~
cant find anything from bugis . only jia en bought one of her shorts from ebase . had dinner at open market. i do not have the appetite to eat . at that moment of them , i was hoping he wld appear in front of me to spring me a surprise . however, there wasnt any bud just part of my wishful thinking cos thats never gonna happen . he's working ! how cld he haf appear ?

on our way back , i teared in the bus again . while walking back home , i looked around my block to see if he was around . again , its my own wishful part of thinking .

i do not haf the energy to do anything . i felt exhausted .. i really felt exhausted . even talking , i do not even haf the strength to talk to anyone bud just reamaining silent .

do you know how torturing i actually felt ?

this morning when i woke up , i cld still feel the pain . i can no longer cried out though its still bleeding inside . my tears have all dried up .
though i ve chatted with him ,
though i ve forgiven him ...
i still felt weak within me ..

lasr nite i still cant get myself to slp ! even though i was trying my best to .
how am i gonna heal this hurtful pain of mine ?

SIGH ~

then , i just read jia en's blog . [ http://iloverainbowforever.blogspot.com]
the pain started to occur again ...........

i really felt furtful ..
i really felt terrible ....

tell me wad exactly shld i do ?

my eyes are hurting very badly ....
i cld barely open my eyes ...

i dun wan to torture myself anymore ....
PLS ........
STOP ME FROM TEARING FURTHER .......

its hurting ..
its really hurting ...

" give me the strength ...
to pick myself up once again . "