`` Im at lost .

Right now , i really need sometime alone . i donno if i should forgive myself or not . i have hurt someone . one of my fren whom i truely treasure.
just what have i done ?

she came over said she wanted to pass me things and off she went . i was emotionally unstable at first so i asked her to leave it there . when i went out , i was hoping that i cld see her but never did i expect she went off . so , i opened the gate . took the stuffs and went back to my room . what she gave me was a thank you card and mushroom soup from soupspoon .

the moment i read , tears began to flow . i questioned myself what have i done wrong ? why ? why have i hurt someone whom i truely treasure ? why did i FCUKING wrote that FCUKING entry which basically hurt her so much ? i do admit i was really exhausted last nite . when i explode i really do explode but i didnt mean to .

oh well , it happened . we cant change the fact . i just wanna say i really do treasure her and i hope things will be same as before . i dun wanna lose her .

" do you know .. the more you said you were afraid to face me the more my heart breaks ? it really breaks . my heart has just been torn into broken pieces . "

wanted to find her after reading however i was feeling too weak to do so . im really feeling very numb , clueless . no i donno what am i thinking abt anymore . worse still, i affected my dear as well . he is being the middle man and he doesnt feel good as well . 3 of us were all tired . mayb we shld just have a break on our own to cool down ?

i never had such a heartbreaking feeling before . this time it really hurts . i dunno how to feel myself anymore . i will let god decides .
todae, my cough is getting from bad to worse . i have lost my voice already . feeling so sick . one problem after another . why not you tell me how to face it ?

SIGH ~

i really treasured you .

i really do hope things would be back to the same as before .

i really do .

please forgive all my mistakes.

in fact, i have never blamed you at all .

i just wan you to be fine becos i care for you .

will you forgive me and let things be back to normal ?

i dont wanna lose you .

i love you nek nek ! you will always be my nek nek now and forever .

no matter what happens , i will always be there for you .

muacks !

Take care and be strong .

" Things will be fine soon ,

Wont they ? "