` Numb .

i donno what to feel right now and i dunno what my feelings are . the scene just came back over and over again .

why why why ??!!
why cant u just get off me ?
why do you have to torture me over and over again ?

i really wish i cld overcome it but i cant . last nite , i went to have dinner with my family and relatives . we gave them a farewell dinner as my relatives from vancouver and cousins from san fransico are leaving todae and tml . all of them returned from msia in the afternoon .

we went to have dinner at sembawang bottle tree village . i wasnt prepared . i didnt know the place was so pitch dark . at that point of time , i felt so lost , i felt so numb . my heart was beating fast and i was shivering all over again . throughout the dinner , i wasnt myself . sitting on my seat and just kept quiet . i felt so uncomfortable .

the only time i felt better was when my cousins were telling us jokes . that was the only time i cld really laugh . but as we were on our way back . things went worse . i felt that it was even darker than before . scenes after scenes came to me . the fear is back .

i cant slp for the whole nite . i wasnt okay . even now , im still unable to close my eyes . i got off my bed at 9am . bid farewell to my cousins .

Bye Bye tracey and David !
i will definately miss you guys . Take care !
Have a safe trip back .
=) .

my head hurts . it really hurts . after bidding goodbye, i went to rest in my room . i was feeling scared once more .

SIGH ~

im really speechless now and i dunno what am i typing . sounds horrible ehhs ? lessons have be swopped with group 2 and now , our principals of cooking is in the afternoon which i dun like . im not used to it . i prefer my morning lessons so that i wont have to think of it so much and just kept myself busy with my frens . i guess i wld felt much better after that .

gonna finish the cooking at nite . i m starting to get worried again because the route to the bus stop home , its gonna be dark again .

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHS !!!

why not you just inject me with numbness ?
so that i dun have to be scared . so that i dun have to feel so torturing . so terrible ?!!!

I HATE THIS DAMN FEELING !

I have been suffering from this ever since wed and it never stops .
so, when will this end ?

" Tell me..
What should I do to handle this ? "