`` Pointless ?

im starting to feel clueless . im seriously on the verge to breaking down . questioning myself if im doing too much or not ? am i doing the right thing or the wrong thing eventually ? why am i feeling this way ? question marks popping out above my head . there were no answers given to me.

i do admit that my limits had reached to the top . honestly speaking , im feeling rather stressed up . stress up to the fact that i dun even know what am i doing . i wanna help my frens to those who are in need . however , if they kept giving me those attitudes and not improving then whats the point of me helping ? i guess .. mayb i dun even have to bother so much anymore .

worse still , they pushed me aside . so, since they do not even need my help and wants to be alone then so be it . im sorry to those ppl if i said this which may hurt you because if u do not help yourself then i wont even noe how to help you either . instead , you wld make me feeling even worse .

of cos ! if there's one day u ever need my help , i will still be available . however , i wont initiate anymore because i felt myself being a busybody . being overly concerned and ended up hurting myself even more .

you may say that im selfish . thinking abt my feelings more but you do not know how much am i worrying for you guys .

i know you people are having a tough time worrying abt the problems you had . but do you even realise the people around you ? you are actually affecting them as well . u are tired and so are THEY ! put urself in my shoes and i will put myself in yours as well . think of this . if im the one who is having problems . giving you all sorts of attitude while you are trying to help me . how would you feel as well ?

honestly speaking , i myself do have problems of my own also . but im willing to put aside and be strong to be there for you guys . however, instead , i dont feel the need of help anymore. i'm sorry . i guess i really need sometime for myself as well . things are rising up .. piling here and there and here, im trying my best to be strong . i seriously dunno what am i typing for now . i just wanna type out whats going through my mind .

one word ,
im tired and i really am .

i would like to apologise if i really were to hurt you guys . but just bare that in mind that , if there's ever one day u need me again, my doors will always be widely open for you .

MUCH LOVES .

" If helping too much hurts ,
Then , I would rather leave it aside than touching it . "