[play this song while reading this entry . cos it creates the emotion how i really feels right now.]
ARHHHHHS !
work , wOrk , WORK ! my mind is full of wordings .. memorising.. my head is going bombard-ed very SOON !! in front of me are books , papers, pen for me to note down and memorise .
2 more days ! just 2 more days to my first paper . its making me freaking crazy abt it . am i too tensed up ? yes i'm . it shows very clearly. i'm trying my best to relax whenever i can. i guess for now, music is the only thing dat i'm able to relax myself wid barhhs.
sometimes , whenever i try to memorise stuffs, it just cant get into my head. i just cant absorb . i wonder why . mayb becos i'm too tired ? hahs ! well.. in fact , i am. been slping late till 3am plus .. waking up at 9am plus to study .. i just nd to bare for another 22 days or so ? till my exams are over . from then, i'm able to haf a gd rest . able to do wad i wan. 22 days ? its long . i'll just think positively . everything wld b fine ehhs ? it wld b just fine ...
okays ?! wad did i do todae ? the same old thing . study study study ! these two days i'll be focusing mainly on my bio as well as my lit . which is coming on the next day of bio . lit paper 1 . enemy of the ppl & unseen prose / poetry .
i thought i was alright all the while even though i'm tired. till i received a call from dar . must he disappoint me once again ?? mayb i shld not haf even invited him for my graduation day in the first place. in this way, i may not even feel hurt at all ? lucky i did not pinned high hopes on him comin for my graduation day . i may even feel worse ? i dunno .
do u noe wads my biggest wish ?
is to be able..
for u to see me receiving my graduation cert from G.O.H ..
witnessing the whole scene ..
seeing me dress in white ..
able to take a picture wid u ..
hoping to receive flowers from u ?
okays !
for that ,
its okay if i dun receive it .
bud at least,
seeing ur presence ?
it wld b enough ..
oh well , i'll just haf to stop thinking abt it barhs. no point broading over it ? he has camp to attend . can i even change the fact ? the answer is NO .
on dat day, i'll jus imagine that he's there even though he's not. when he's back from his overseas camp den i'll shall share wid him my happiness barhhhs .
let me put it this way .. or rather asking u ppl some questions ..
u invited ur partner , dun u wish ur partner to attend an important ceremony in ur life ?
seeing u graduating . sharing ur joy wid ur partner ?
if he/she says that he/she is unable to attend or rather last minute back out , wad is ur first reaction ?
on the outside, u may say u dun mind abt in .. bud in ur heart ? truthfully , how do u feel ? mayb for some u may not mind . dat's okay .
i just wanna say out my true feelings.
if u ppl are reading dis, can u reply me how exactly u feel ? i dun expect a perfect answer . i just nd some rough answer . thanks ! tagged me yupps ?
u said that i'm always quiet whenever i received news from u ..
i admit for that ..
i nd some time to think ...
i cant gib u a immediate answer sometimes ..
why ?
1 ) ur job : i was thinking abt ur safety. i know u are the guy who likes adventurous kind . one thing i am worried abt was dat i'm afraid u might get hurt again ....
2) travelling overseas : u are going away . i'm here in sg. i'm thinking, how am i going to spend 6mths without u ..? 6mths ! its not short . its half a yr. for 2 mths , its already realli hard for me. 6 mths .. i haf to bare wid it .. i am also afraid .. wad if it drags longer ? or rather , wad if u are too used to the environment there till .. u dun even wanna come back ? or mayb either of one will change ? ( okays ! i'm thinking too much. STOP ! )
seriously, i realli nd some time to think . u may think, why am i typing here instead of telling u personally .. that's becos wads comes in my mind now, i just wanna type it out. since u are sleeping now .. the time is 2:37am . i'm still awake. u ve to wake up early for work later...
u said u cant attend my graduation ceremony. does this means dat u also cant celebrate wid me when my 'o's are over as well which u promise me in the early months ?? forget it barhhs. wadever u said to me .. i wld just pretend that u didnt said to me at all . cos its realli hurtful for me to hear someone who made promises to me bud did not fulfill it. its not urre fault anw.. no one wants to . so, let just forget it barhhhs .. neither do i wan dis to affect our relationship ..
come to think of it . i am actually quite prepared dat he cant make it . dun ask me why . cos i guess its just my instinct ? i'm used to it anw . he always been busy wid his work . moreover, he is leaving next yr for 6mths overseas training . so, just let me get used to it that he's not by my side barhs.
regretting getting into this relationship ? no i'm not. i made this decision & i'm happy dat i'm wid him . he's the one who made me understand myself better . he's the one who made me realise wad true love is all abt ... being wid him , i felt so much happier in my life . yups ! at times i mayb tearing over him or some situation .. bud dat brings us closer to one another . isnt it ? he may not realise it bud i do .. whenever i'm sad , he's the one who cheered me up and be wid me always ..so the word, regretting ? is being crossed out . Xxxx ..
i dunno whether he wld b reading this entry . bud its alright even though he reads it . cos he has the right to noe yea ? like i said b4 , or rather agreeing wid each other dat .. we wld b truthful to one another regardless wad happens.
hahas ! know wad ? i said i wld not tear anymore and be a happy person . sorry ppl for those who i promise . i broke it . i broke down eventually ..
i drew this to show my expression .. hmms ~! i apologise for my bad drawing .. it turned out cute eventually ? hehs !
i was wondering , why are mostly gurls always tearing for guys ? i dun get it at times. bud i guess, that's the life of being a gal barhhs.. hahs ! gals are always so emotional . i realli admired strong gals . they are able to control their emotions real hard. unlike me. )): ..
i find myself useless at times. i am able to help others bud why cant i help myself instead ?
i just nd to be alone for now ...
i'll be fine after a while ..
i'm tired ..
i'm real tired of everything ..
i just nd some break ..
for now,
i noe its impossible if i ask anyone to grant me any break ..
exams are nearer ..
can i afford to haf any breaks ?
no there isnt ..
22 more days ..
just 22 more days ..
i'll bare wid it ...
after that,
my freedom wld b back ..
i'll just keep myself busy for the time being ..
to prevent me from hurting
or thinking ..
studies are my main piority now ..
and i wont let it affect my studies no matter wad ...
i'll just push everything aside for now ..
to marmie jess :
sorry if i broke my promise todae .. i broke down todae. i am unable to fufil this promise as well . yups ! as long as wad u promise me. just try if u can. i trust u & i wld not be worried abt it ..
okays ! after 'o's yupps ? regardless wad happens.. ring me / sms me alrighty ? u promise me dat.. dun broke it . ((: .. lets study hard and jia you together barhs. 2 more days to go.. we wld be seeing each other aagain .
yeahhhs . i miss those good tymes we had together. it was just so MADNESS .. u, me , sim , gen ? the four of us ? wld just go mad anytime whenever we are together. i ve no regret knowing u either. u brighten up my life . XD
dun worry ! i will not forget u .. in my heartxx is being carved ur name inside .. jesscia . my baobeii marmie. it wld never be erased no matter wad happens . i love u too .
No comments:
Post a Comment