i did not slp well ytd nite. woke up at 330am .. all i remember was i dreamt of dar . i did not feel good. i cant remember wad was it abt . haish ~! i miss him loads .. i realli do .. say me dat i'm suffering from love sick barhs . LOL ! not sure when will i b meeting him again. he's been busy wid his work and now he hardly call me . even so, he wld call at around 10 plus to report to me dat he's hm . and after dat , we wld hang up call . its just only a few secs / mins . worse still , now he didnt even send me morning msges which he normally do . i understand dat he's busy and tired after finishing work. so am i .. making myself so tired after studying . urghs ! just let me brag abt it barhs .. i'll b fine after awhile .. just wanna let it all out .
went for toilet break at 330am plus and found out moii bro was still awake watching his soccer . i walked back to my rm and went back to slp . 6am plus ! out of a sudden, i was crying so badly. i scared my mom. she was thinking wad was happening to me. the dream seemed so real . i thought it was real till my mom woke me up. den i realised it was a dream afterall . as usual , i cant remember wad my dream actually was. all i remember quarrelling badly wid my mom sigh !
i felt so terrible when i woke up. mom said dat i overtired myself .. causing myself hafing too much stress and told me to haf a gd rest at home. i listened to her advise and did not go sch eventually . i was dying to go for a swim at that time .. able to swim as fast as i could, able to let out all these terrible thngs away. unfortunately, its still early . how cld i do dat ? only afternoon then i wld b able to ..
i am unable to slp well after dat. been waking up almost every hr & whenever i am awake , tears been flowing down my eyes . yupps ! i realli felt terrible. come to think of it , i haf no idea wad time i woke up actually . whole nite and day . i am unable to slp well. shld i consider myself being able to slp ? 1030am plus . i got myself out of bed. i cant take it no more . i was hafing a terrible headache. if i haf noe in the first place, i shld haf gone to sch instead of staying at home feeling so sickening ! i haf no appetite to eat anything . only drank soup. mom went to work early cos her boss needs to see her regarding the upgarding of gym. i will be going in the afternoon and study as well as exercise .
reached my mama office at around 1 plus . i was lyke : " OH MY TIAN ?! WHY SO MANY PPL IN THE CLUBHOUSE ?? ITS SO UNUSUAL .. "
mom : ya lor ! i was surprised too . i thought everyone wld b back home at 12pm . never did i thought they came over here to play game.
me : so scary !
hahs ! cos .. everytime , when i enter the clubhse, its always so quiet . so its not surprising dat i felt dat way . i am not used to it though.
had my lunch first b4 these two gurls came. potato noodles. i beginning to fall in love wid dis noodle sia. it's simply nice . after eating , was studying bio and these two came . wahhhs !! so chatty sia ! say dat it's a waste that i did not went to sch as i missed out all the fun. another sigh !!!!! jia en gave me so many presents. looks like this wk end, i gonna be real busy again . they were asking me why was i wearing so nice ??
me : cos i wanna wash this clothes of mine which i wore halfway the other time.
minnie : aiyos ! just wear normal can le ma. shorts like last time wad u wore ? bu dong ni yao gei shuei kan ..
jia en : [whispering to minnie ]
me : wondering wad are dey talking abt .
my mom : let the chef see.
me : errr ...
i guess as much dat jia en was saying dat i wore so nice is to let her see ! bu yao lian arhhs !! like i said , i wore becos i wanna wash it ! arghs ! LOL ! oh well .. they went to haf their lunch. as for me , just in time dat my food got digested and went for a swim . jia en and minnie advise me not to swim as the haze PSI is getting heavier . i did not listen to them. i went into the pool and swam . as i swam , my mind was full of things .. the dream, the stress i had . the troubles dats occuring me . i told myself " just swim as fast as u could . see the other end ? do u see the ending point ? yes ! swim till the end and finish it. u can do it ! let it out .. just let everything out . wadever u haf. just let it out . " i swam all the way . i took a break for 3 times. the rest of the time i was swimming . even though i was tired. i just told myself to swim no matter wad . got myself out of the pool after 1 hr or more ? so dat is around 4 plus . i saw ppl dipping in the pool for a swim. i decided to stop .. went to bathe . i was draining myself wid water .. yupps ! draining myself .. i felt much better after everything . went up , took my stuffs and went into the meeting rm .
me : why are u gurls looking so dead ?
them : u say leh ! we are very tired lehs. look at me (minnie ) ! see wad am i studying ?! we woke up very early to attend sch and u able to wake up until so late . can slp until so shuang . able to enjoy ur food and go for a swim . able to freshen urself up b4 studying again.
when i heard that, i noe dat they are just kidding bud i dunno why i felt kinda hurt . i kept quiet, blast my music and began my study . i was holding back my tears very badly .
while i was blasting the music, in my heart , i was thinking :
you think dat u gurls are tired ? so am i .. i understand dat u gurls are tired wid sch work stuffs, waking up so early to attend sch . i felt so envy when u gurls are sharing ur happy moments in sch . no one knows wads inside me at that moment. suffering like hell. crying like no one business in my room . dun compare me wid u gals regarding who are tired . u may not noe, mayb i am worse than u gurls ? u think i haf sufficient rest ? i'm sorry to say dat i'm not ! u gurls at least haf some hrs of slp bud i hardly haf any . i felt so much like going to sch . bud i was too weak to do dat . i regret myself not going . i wanted to join u gurls so badly . if i do dat, mayb i wld much happier than staying at home so solemly ?? as if someone who is close to me haf left me out of a sudden ? sorry gurls if i'm anti-social todae. or rather , sounding mean, showing u gurls some attitude. i just nd some time alone. i am not healed yet .
yupps ! and then i continued studying my bio and increasing the vol of my music . till abt 530 pm . this was wad happen ..
minnie : mei niu !!
me : [ no response ]
jia en : geradine !!
me : [ no response ]
minnie: oiieee !!!
me : [ no response ]
jia en : [bang the table]
me : [no response ]
minnie : mei niu
me: [ no response ]
jia en : [ bang th table harder ]
me : [ looking back ] huh ?
minnie and jia en : wahhh !! u finally response . call u like dunno how many times.
me : sry la ! my music too loud cannot hear .
minnie : ya lor ! even if there is a bomb beside u . u dun even realise arh . other ppl run away already u still happily sitting down there doing ur work .
LOL !
minnie and jia en : wah ! dunno how u survive sia. the music so loud. even we can hear la ! sooner or later ur ear drum confirm bombak !
me : sorry lor ! i realli cant hear u gurls .
minnie and jia en : lets go home.
me : orhhs .
i packed up my stuffs and went home .
sry again gurls if i blast my music too loud. causing disturbance to u gurls cos whenever i am in a foul mood i tend to on very loud . i agree wid u gurls dat my hearing got prob especially my left ear ever since my dad slap me wid a hard plastic ruler when i was pri 5 due to some situation . i dun wanna think abt it anymore . and then, my ear drum just went eeeeeeeeee .. from that moment on, my earing wasnt dat gd . dats why i cant hear when u gurls talking to me and made u all repeating urself several times. being so fed up and ended up not repeating . when listening to music, u gurls may think its loud bud to me , its kinda soft . so, i guess its like one lvl lower from u gurls barh . next time , if u gurls felt disturbed by my music just tell me. i will lower down okays ?
took 57 home . had dinner and watch goong ! 7pm show. dis show is realli nice. i love dis show. sadly its only 24 episodes . and there will b change in character for vol 2 . so sad ! e turn out wldnt b dat nice anymore . i guess i wont b watching ba .
going to temple wid these two babes again at bugis. cos jia en wants to pray for her exams. intially, jia en asked me to accompany her. den minnie says she wants to. so in the end the 3 of us going together. (( : . hopefully, after praying, everything wld go smoothly .
HAISHHHHH ! = ( -headache ! headache ! headache ! the pain is killing me !
who can i actually share my burden wid ?
everyone is busy wid their stuffs .
dar is busy wid his work .
frens been busy wid their studies .
they haf their own probs .
why shld i add more into them ?
i wld feel guilty and sad .
even if they dun mind ,
i wld still feel the same .
sometimes,
i just dunno who to turn to
bud to myself .
i wld rather face my probs alone
than adding them into it .
i felt so clueless at times .
i just do not noe wad to do .
i'm feeling so terrible ...
i'm shouting out this word now ..
H E L P !
No comments:
Post a Comment