`` what do you expect me to do ?

didnt went for vocal class todae . i was feeling really unwell . really giddy . my head hurts . i cant even walk straight . i was feeling real terrible . i cried myself to slp last nite again . i felt really lost , confused , hurt and pain .

i took another 1 hr nap for myself . i regretted doing so . nightmare occured to me . i dreamt of those " things " again . i felt so " dirty " and afraid . dragged myself to work as i dont wanna stay at home . also , i wasnt feeling that giddy anymore . so why not just keep myself busy and earn some income at the same too right ? and you know what ? it wasnt my day afterall .

i was caught in a traffic jam . ended up raining heavily . lift lobby lights just suddenly went off and one of the lift was spoilt . there's only one lift left and i had to wait very long for it . plus , there were alot of people as well . i ended up late and i lost my bonus already . T_T . i almost broke down . i felt so terrible when i had reached my workplace but i held on my tears .

honestly speaking for now , only work can replace all my thoughts . it cld only keep my mind off from all my troubles and pains . but once my work time is over, its back to normal again . i cried while i was on my way home . i felt so down once more .

when i reach home all i know was just to be with him . to keep him company online because he was feeling very down and i told myself , no matter how haggard im , im just gonna stay strong and be with him . unfortunately , it turned out to be worse . i was utterly hurt . but thanks to darling and nek nek for being my listening ear . alright , just let me correct my sentence from my previous entry . not none but only one or two understands me afterall . (:

my head hurts terribly for now .
working morning shift tml .

I have done my best in everything in order to be with you .
I have never wanted to leave you at all .
However , sometimes , there's always a time we would be away .
And this is the time where you have to learn to be independent .

To learn to stand up and fight against your own problems .

I know its hard to avoid negative thoughts .
But you just got to be strong in everything you do .

Don't think about now but think abt the future .
How are you going to handle it the next time if you can't even handle this ?

Do have confidence in yourself .
You truely know how much our love is for each other .

I can promise you this that no matter how far apart we are ,

You'll never lose me .

Please do not say such hurting words anymore .
It really hurts deep inside my heart .

Let's just go through this together ,
And I hope this will never happen again .

This will be the first and last time .

I LOVE YOU .

`` Painnns deep inside .

i cried myself to slp last nite .

pain , hurt were all i felt .

No one knows how much am i going through .

All this while , i have been suffering silently to myself .

Because only me , understand it all .

How much more do i have to go ?

When will this truely end ?

I question this my own .

However , the answers have yet to reveal .

Come to think of it again ,

All these answers will never be known .
Because life is never perfect .

If it is for you , I would say you are the luckiest person on earth .

On my way back , phobia just struck me once again .

I was walking home alone past midnight .
Then again , i was seeing things .

I wasnt sure if it was for real .

I just felt so lonely on my way back home .

Mind started to wander around .

I was afraid .

i told myself to be strong whenever im feeling this way .

right now , im struggling .

im afraid i unable to carry on anymore .

im falling down ..

Are you there to pick me up when i fall ?
Or do i just topple over ?

Baby , I need you badly .

`` My fault ?

These are the gifts that dear bought for me from m'sia .
Cute Hello Kitty Keyboard :


Customize Shirt :


x'mas is OVER ! hope you guys really enjoyed your x'mas yea ?
somehow , other than receiving gifts , i really dont feel the mood of celebrating x'mas at all . i just felt something is just missing . however , i do not know what was it . maybe for this yr , many things just cracks up . hahas ! I don't know . just feeling so cranky about it .

i wanna be with my frens .

but i seemed to neglect them .

i wanna spend time with my love one .

however , i could hardly do so.

i wanna spend time with my family .

unfortunately , i cld barely find time for myself too .

so , the only thing i could do to make myself feel better is to pen down all my feelings here .

i just felt that everything seemed to be my wrong for now.

i can do nothing but to blame myself .

they have said to me about their feelings .

then what about mine ?

they said they understood me .

yes, they mayb there for me when i need them.

but when it comes to understanding of my true feelings ,

they never do .

i ended up suffering alone .

keeping all my pains to myself again .

I'M SORRY .

`` PIES met up . (:

had my vocal lesson ytd . we had gifts exchange . it was pretty fun though . hahs ! i picked up number 3 and that was Doreen's gift . (:
thanks !
we wrote a x'mas card for teacher too .

card preparation for LAOSHI :



Gifts Exchange :


Present from Doreen :


rest of the pics are with doreen . will be waiting for her to be online .
took the same train down with doreen and i went to meet up with my two sweeties ; ping and jia en at bugis .

I bought my black shoe already . (:
for the rest , i shall let the photos cont what we have done yea ? hahas ! took a total of abt 211 pictures in total ? horrible us isnt it ? but i simply LOVE THEM ALL !
oh yeahs . i passed to them xmas gifts too . hope they LIKE it .
MUACKS to you gals . XD

waiting for train to town :


Hayatt Hotel :



EMO-ing :


Drawing circle :





Vivo's Xmas tree :


Walking back in to have dinner :


at Starbucks for dinner :



snatching for the final bite :


Clean plate :


sheltering my MR Snowman :


It's R-A-I-N-I-N-G .... :


We are in between the HOLES :) :


SHE kissed me :


Staircase :



walking towards our MR Snowman :


CAUTION ! :


Sweet moments :


Our Shoes :


Black Phones :


Its time to pass them their x'mas pressies :



darling was angry cos i bought present for HAMMY ( her hamster ) too :


their gifts :


the 3 of us :


went back at 10 plus . on our way back , i witnessed an entire scary accident .
a car knocked down a motorcyclist .
it had been running through my mind for the night . it turned out to be a trauma to me . ):
i'll never forget , my first experience .

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

after a long entry of ytd , shall cont for todae . woke up at 11 plus . met up with darling to buy her stuffs at giant and went back home around 3 plus . was preparing myself for dinner at vienna buffet restaurant in united square .

HAPPY WEDD ANNI TO MY BROTHER AND SIS-IN-LAW .

celebrated for them . time really flies and todae was their 1st year . the food spread were nice . the food was good . never regretted going there . (:
walked around velocity and united square after bloating ourselves up . hahs ! cousins came over to play MJ . here comes the NOISE again . @#$%$#@ ....

anw, dear is finally back from M'sia . im so delighted . gonna meet him tml .
I MISS HIM LOADS .

Welcome Back Dear !
MUACKS .
much LOVES .

" I just wanna be with you ,

For the rest of my life . "