` Phobia arises .

during barshowmanship . my phobia came back . surpposed to off the front lights only so as to see what sir has done to the rainbow cocktail . he used the lighter to light up to see the effects of it . someone went to help out . everything went to darkness .

i was in a shock . when the lights came back , i rush to the toilet and lock myself up in one of the cubicle . FLASH ! FLASH ! and MORE FLASH BACKS !
i see many many images coming back to me .
i was afraid .
i was scared .
i was frightened.
i shivered .
i cried .
i poked my fingers till it was red .
i felt so weak ........
it was my worse day ever in school . Not long after , i started calming myself down abit and got out . washed my hands thoroughly , letting the tap water running through it .

nek nek started to feel very weird abt me . she asked me what happened . i almost went crazy . i told her " ITS SCARY ! ITS SCARY ! " ... for the first time , i burst in tears . i cried out loud . i cld not control any further . i felt so weak to the fact that nek nek had to support me to stand up . tears just kept on flowing .

Sorry if i scare most of my classmates and thanks for consoling me . i really felt the concern from you people . (:

im ok with little darkness . at least im still able to hold back but not when it comes to total pitch dark . i cant do it !
for the entire lesson after that , we had eng and fsm . i was practically stoning away . i donno what am i looking at but all i know was images just kept on haunting me .

jaslin , bung and dear brought me to vivo to take my mind off . i appreciated it . really ! thanks so much ! it really means alot . i may not be fully ok but at least im felt better by abit . while staying at vivo , looking at the sea . it just came back every now and then . i wanted to tear once again but i just controlled . i don't wanna let them see my weakest part again . i have really tried my best to be strong and this is the best i can do . Just give me sometime to recover myself once again okay ?

left vivo at 8 plus . they sent me to the bus stop and i took 145 back home . when i was about to reach home , i then realised i forgotten to bring my keys . so i waited outside while waiting for mom to reach . chatted on the phone with dear to accompany me as i don't wanna be left alone . my emotions are still unstable .

Right now , im still afraid as ever . It really takes time to recover but i'll try my best to yeps ?
Sorry to worry you guys . I just cant help it .
):

" If only I could overcome this ,

All these would not have happen . "