getting rdy to leave home :
vomitted ytd afternoon . realli felt terrible & i had to take a short nap before going out . my eyes have never felt so pain before ever since my 2nd aunt passed away . my head just hurts terribly whenever i opened my eyes .
preparing to go out :
took a cab to esplanade wid gen . reached nearly twelve . forgotten that esplanade was a dating place whr u see most couples around . moreover , its fri nite & val. day is approaching soon . you'll see more ! couples spending their romantic moments there . so sweet horrs ? however, it somehow gives me a sense of jealousy . while waiting for the arrival of van & sher , we walked to merlion there instead as there were too many ppl around esplanade . found a place after that & sat down . then, cher called me as she was terribly upset . so, i had to comfort her. not long , van called me telling me that she had reached . just in tyme, cher had to hang up too . both of us walked back slowly to meet them at makan sutra . while walking back , gen was suggesting us to do these " INTERESTING " pose . it was kinda fun though . hees .
she drinks MERLION'S WATER :
WHOA ~ i can hold the merlion . =p :
that's my darlinggggg :
found a place to sit when we met . had C-O-C-O-N-U-T drink . lolls ! sher, van & me kept on singing that song . -_- " . bud this sher had her sugarcane drink instead. the exceptionally odd one . =X . okays ! four of us were basically crapping away while hafing our drink and carrot cakes . giving each other IQ questions. cracking our brains over it and it turned out to be some toopid lame answers . waited for jia en's arrival as she wld be joining us as well . after eating , went further down to haf a seat .
then sher was sharing wid my some of the poly stuffs & also we chatted abt jeff . she was asking me ...
sher : does jeff knows abt this ?
me : yes .
sher : wads his reaction ? didnt he comfort u or find you ?
i do not dare to admit wid her that after receiving my results while going home , i was hafing kinda "cold war " wid him . it was till evening when we started talking again . i felt too painful to share wid her as well . so i just told her ..
me : you know ? the same old thing lorrs . lyke wad others told me .
then she saw the ring that im wearing on my middle finger which my mom bought for me .
sher : did jeff gave you that ring ?
me : if only ....
not long after , she came .
sher & van started to share wid us GHOST stories . one more thing ! sher is so afraid of cats ! bahahahas ~ gen felt so afraid & wldn't wan to listen when they were sharing ghost stories . =) . then slowly, our crapping came back & we played toopid games as well . WTH ! i fall onto vanessa's trick larhhs . gortt hit on my head . arghhhhhhhssss ~
nite view of esplanade :
i'm realli touched that they were willing to keep me company thru the nite . they made me smile . well , at least it keeps my hurt away for a moment . i'm sry to the rest for keeping u guys worried abt me . i cld nortt help it . this hurt is simply too hurtful . thanks so much for all ur concerns for me . also, sorry for nortt replying msges to some of u guys durin msn chats / sms . i just nd some tyme alone . just gib me tyme for me to heal . i promise , i'll be back to myself once again when i'm healed alrights ? i didnt mean it .
people asked me, why didnt i feel sad at all after taking back my results ? all i can say is that , i wld show it on the outside till im alone . wads the point of affecting others mood when others are feeling happy bud u alone, feeling so sad ? i will feel bad ! i asked myself , will i feel at ease ? my answer is NO ! so, wad i cld do was just putting a false front and remain strong . pretending nth has happened .
took a cab home at 3am plus . sher asked me again ..
sher : is jeff waiting for you .
me : i bet he is sleeping lyke a pig now .
seriously, i simply disappointed wid him . was wishing he cld accompany me at esplanade alot . but i know , he's simply too tired after his camp. so i just kept quiet & not say a word . i bet im not going to meet him on sun as well cos he says he wld be on duty & wld meet me on mon instead for lunch to collect the camp info i printed for him . sometimes i felt , to him is all abt work . is there a part of me as well ? now whenever i think abt it , i just felt like crying . again, my heart hurts.
im just wishing that he cld be bymy side for the moment .
is that too much to ask for ?
i do admit i almost cried while we were on our way to van's hse . my heart was terribly aching ! e taxi driver almost scared us to death while driving halfway down the road . he shouted so LOUDLY ! becos he saw one woman wasnt walking steadily . i guessed he almost knocked her down barhhhs when the woman was running back to the pathway . he said she was drunk . mayb he's true .
reached home at 4am plus & also turning in at around that tyme . vanessa's therepathic song is so useful ! heyyyys ! it makes me fall aslp so soundly okayyyys ? coped her cd ! hees . gonna use it when i'm home since ive been hafing sleepless nites for this wk .
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teared abit in the morning when i woke up . if you say i'm okay ? hahs ! im not . played the sims wid van on her laptop . oh my ! its been ages i last played that ? we spent 2 hrs constructing the hse lorrs . then shaomin came to join us as she felt too bored at home . poor gal got fever !
thanks sweetie for ur scented rose ! van as well ..
((:
then i started to plan for my career path . which course do i wan to go to & which poly shld i actually enter . i am left wid 2 schs for the moment. TP & SP . i decided to go into TP as i wanna take financial banking course . though the sch is far . oh wells ~ i dun haf a choice . that is my 1st choice so far . will be deciding all my choices tml as i nd to do my submission of my application on mon. tues is the last day . i dun wanna do it last min .
went to farm mart to ve dinner todae. ohhhs ! van drove the car while reaching the carpark . heyyys ! i can say its not bad le lorrs . at least better than my brother . her brakes wasnt that jerky . brother's one was sudden ! hahs. good good ! hopefully she cld get her driving license fast so that i can get free ride looos .
better nortt talk to much . i havent got mine yet ! =p . planning to learn during march after i ve settled all my courses. =) .
dunno wads wrong wid that mad woman todae larhs . so NOISY . haiyOoooos . hahas ! chattering non-stop . i think her fever made her highhhhh. proceeded to her hse after that & we played dices . aiyOos ~ so fun . canning each other. lols .
watch rob-in-hood while waiting for the adults to finish playing their MJ . left the hse at midnite plus . again , i teared again while in the vehicle on our way home . i cld nortt help it becos i realli felt terrible . i was thinking back .
i had realli gone thru alot during my 'o's . i injured my head . this head injury realli caused me lotsa probs . it gibs me a month before i cld realli can get back to sch again . then, i got my leg injury followed by my hand probs after that. i fell sick which often making me taking days of MCs . it was realli a weak yr for me . i worked so hard . getting stressed up . spending most of my time in my room studying & revising my work. yet, i got this kind of results back . though i did better for this than my prelims . budden , wads the use ? am i able to get into the course i wan ? NO ! wo hao bu gan xin . however, wad can i do ? results are back . i haf to accept the fact and face it . its done, its over . i can no longer change it .
i dun feel like going home . it just give me a sense of loneliness again . i know its nice to be home as u haf ur own stuffs , ur own bed.. plus , ur family are at home . but now, whenever im home , it just give me a sense of sadness. dun ask me why . i just felt that way . say me that i'm under depression . i do admit thats true .
dar haf to report back to camp as his team was called on TV during noon tyme . i dun ask for anything much bud just msg to me when he's free barhs . in this situation, i can forget abt meeting him alreadii .
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